


Brooklyn Bound

by multifandomfics



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cursing/Swearing, M/M, Minor/Childhood Death (Mentioned), Multiship, Stony Midgame, Stucky endgame, Sweet Home Alabama AU, non-graphic sexual situations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-10 11:30:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 55,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomfics/pseuds/multifandomfics
Summary: Steve Rogers is ready to embark on a new chapter in his life, his perfect boyfriend has just proposed and all is going well.  The only problem, he’s still married to his childhood sweetheart. Steve needs to return home to Brooklyn and finalize his divorce before his fiancée finds out he was ever married.  However things become more complicated as Steve arrives, it turns out that there is more to his ex than meets the eye, and old feelings resurface.  Steve needs to choose, stay in Brooklyn with the man he once loved, or return to California and start his new life. Sweet Home Alabama AU.





	1. Chapter 1

Steve looked out across the bay as the small waves crashed near his feet.  He looked over at Bucky, who was playfully wiggling his wet toes in the sand as they sat watching the sunset.  It was still early in the season, so they were the only ones on the beach.  Steve couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Coney Island this empty.

“Thanks for comin’ out here with me, Stevie.  I know it’s not even spring yet, but I wanted to do something now that the snow’s finally melted.”

Steve smiled and he gave a small shrug as he tucked his knees under his chin.  “Don’t mention it.  We had to celebrate your birthday anyway.  Plus it’s warm enough, not like I’ll get sick or anything.”

Bucky didn’t look too convinced as he tossed his blazer onto Steve’s shoulders, muttering, “Just in case.”

“Weird to think that you’re thirteen now.”

“You’ll catch up soon,” Bucky said.

Steve nodded.  “Yeah. Until then, I guess I’m sneakin’ around with an older guy.”

Bucky grinned as he quickly pecked Steve’s lips.

Steve felt his cheeks begin to heat up as his heart skipped a beat.  They had never _kissed_ before. The most they had done was hold hands.  Steve felt as though he was soaring above the clouds. He shyly turned his head away from Bucky, not wanting him to see his face flush.

He watched a seagull peck at a shell for a few moments before flying off towards the bay.  Steve turned back to Bucky.  To his surprise, while he was watching the bird, Bucky had still been watching _him_ , wearing his perfect smile.  It just made Steve’s face blush even redder.

“Do I got somethin’ on my face?”

Bucky shook his head, but didn’t look away from him.

“Well then maybe you should take a picture.  It’ll last longer.”

“Oh shut it,” Bucky teased, shoving him playfully.  “I was just thinkin--”

“Alert the media, that’s gotta be a first--”

Bucky laughed, cutting Steve off.  Bucky absentmindedly licked his lips as he pushed his hair out of his face.  “ _God_ , I’m gonna marry you one day.”

Steve snorted.  “Nah, I figure you’ll wise up, marry someone better than me.”   _Someone who can actually do things rather than just get sick all the time._

Bucky’s brow furrowed.  “Ain't nobody out there that’s better than you, Stevie.”

Steve cursed his pale complexion as he felt his face get _even_ redder.  He scratched the back of his neck.  Bucky was _perfect_.  He could be with anyone that he wanted.  Why would he choose Steve?

Steve fidgeted.  “Why would you wanna marry me anyway?”

Bucky grinned mischievously, as he whispered in Steve’s ear.  “So I can kiss you anytime I want.”

Steve opened his mouth to make some sarcastic remark when thunder cracked and the sky began to shower over them.

Bucky jumped up and tugged Steve under the boardwalk for shelter.  He quickly pecked Steve’s lips one more time as they waited out the storm.

_Beep! Beep!_

Steve woke up from his dream, shaking his head.  Why on Earth was he thinking about some silly memory from twenty years ago?  He looked over to the other side of the bed, looking to see if his boyfriend was still there.  Empty.

Steve raised his eyebrows, but got up.  Hadn’t his partner mentioned something about an early morning meeting?  He quickly ate a muffin that was left for him on the counter as he got dressed.

Steve straightened his tie in the mirror, occasionally glancing around the apartment for any sign of his partner.  Sure enough, he found a sticky note on the fridge reading ‘ _Early meeting, see you at the presentation tonight.’_

Steve’s heart dropped. The presentation in question was a work party where Steve was being recognized.  It was silly, really--he was just doing his job and the right person took notice, so now there was going to be a ridiculous ceremony in his honor.  If Steve had it his way, there would be no presentation, however it was nice to see that his boyfriend remembered and had taken an interest.  At least this meant he wouldn’t have to go alone.

Steve finished getting ready and headed out the door to work.  He stopped to pick up some coffee on the way, as he was useless at making his own.  

He pulled into the parking lot of his job as he fished his security badge out of his brief case.  Steve shuddered, remembering the first time he had forgotten the badge at home, and had to go all the way back to his apartment to get it.  The FBI didn’t mess around with their security protocols.

He scanned his badge to get into the building as he walked through the metal detector.  He picked his brief case up on the other side of the X-Ray machine as he headed to his office.  He sat down at his desk as he pulled up some of the case files he had been working on.  Luckily nothing too pressing was on his plate for the day.  It was probably because Fury was ticked off about Steve’s last case gaining so much attention.  Not that Steve particularly minded having a small caseload, his last few cases had certainly drained him.

He sighed as he began filling out some of the paperwork on his cases that he had recently closed.  He could certainly use a few days to catch up on all of the busy work.

After about an hour, Steve became distracted by a knock on his door.  He looked up from the file to see his best friend Sam standing in the doorway of his office.

“Hey, excited for your big night?”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “Definitely not.  I wish I could just blow it off.”

“Yeah, sure do that.  You’ll piss off the Senator and that’ll piss of Fury and if you think your caseload sucks now… just wait.” Sam grimaced.

"I said I _wanted_ to blow if off, not that I’m _going to_.  Besides,  Tony’s coming tonight so that should make it a little less awful.”

Sam raised an eyebrow.  “Yeah?  You think tonight’s the night?”

Steve made a face.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“C’mon, man, don’t play dumb.  You know he’s gonna propose soon, hasn’t he practically booked the venue?” Sam teased.

Steve scoffed.  “We’ve discussed it, but that doesn’t mean he’s gonna pop the question anytime soon.  We just moved in together, we can wait a little while before getting engaged.  Besides, I doubt his family wants him to push it.  I’m not exactly going to come with many business benefits.”

Sam shook his head.  “Whatever you say.  I just think it’s gonna happen sooner than you think.  Tony Stark doesn’t seem like the type of guy to take it slow.”

Steve groaned.  “That doesn’t mean that he’s in a rush to get married either.  In fact he kind of seems like he may not even want to get married at all--which is fine.  I mean eventually I’d like it, but we don’t have to rush into it.”

"Hey.” Sam put his hands up defensively.  “You don’t have to convince me.  I think that’s a talk you need to have with Stark.”

Steve put his head in his hands.  “So, what can I do for you, Sam?”

“Well maybe you can get me off of Fury’s shit list for helping you out on that last case.  I haven’t seen a good case in weeks.  At this rate, I’d rather investigate internet pirating.” Sam folded his arms as he sat on the edge of Steve’s desk.

“Sorry about that,” Steve said earnestly.  “Hopefully it’ll all blow over after the ceremony.”

Sam laughed.  “I hope so.  I can’t go on like this, man.”

“Are you comin’ tonight?”

Sam nodded.  “Of course, I’ll be there.  Just because Fury’s all pissy about it, doesn’t mean I’m not gonna go.  You saved the senator’s kid, you deserve some recognition.  Besides, it’s a free meal, and I’ll get to see you awkwardly accept an award. It’s a win-win for me.”

“I appreciate the support,” Steve said sarcastically.  

“Your family coming out for the presentation?”

“Nah,” Steve said.  “It doesn’t make sense for them to make the trip from Brooklyn.  It’s a long flight to California.  Besides, this whole thing is ridiculous.  I just happened to save the right person.  It’s not like I would’ve done anything differently had the kid _not_ been the senator’s son.  I was just doing my job, nothing special.”

Sam snorted.  “Are you forgetting that I worked that case with you?  You didn’t _just_ do your job.  You put in 20 hour days, followed up on every potential lead until you found the kid.  You did good work, Steve.  You earned one night of recognition.”

“I respectfully disagree. When I did all that, I blew all of my covers and yours too.  Hence the punishment from Fury.  Again, sorry.”

Sam shrugged.  “Like you said, he’ll get over it sooner or later.  Maybe you should take some time off; head back home.  Give Fury a chance to see how much you do around here.  I bet that’ll change his tune.”

Steve laughed.  “Doubt it.  Besides, I’m not exactly looking for any time off.  I just want to do my job.”

“When is the last time you had a day off that wasn’t a weekend?  I mean you’re here more than anyone else.  Wouldn’t it be nice to go back home for a week or two?  Especially since you never have anyone come visit you out here.  You could even show Stark where you grew up and take a trip down memory lane.  It could be nice to get away from here for a little bit,” Sam suggested.

Steve sighed.  “There’s not much left for me back in Brooklyn, Sam.  I don’t have much family, and I’ve lost touch with most of my friends.  My life is here.  If I’m gonna go away, I’ll go somewhere tropical, or maybe Europe.  Not Brooklyn.”

“Whatever you say,” Sam said.  “Just a suggestion.”

Steve changed the subject.  “Did you finish up the paperwork for this case?  I’m dreading it.”

Sam made a face.  “Yeah, I finished it up yesterday.  It’s a pain in the ass.  Honestly, just try to get it over with.  It was really a nightmare when it came to writing it all down.  You did a lot of things that weren’t exactly protocol.”

“That’s what I was worried about.  Maybe I can get most of it done before tonight.”

“In that case, I’ll leave you to it.”  Sam hopped off of the desk and made his way to the door.  “See you tonight.”

“See you later, Sam,” Steve called after him.  He brought his attention back to the paperwork, dreading the long day and night that he had ahead of him.

It was almost the end of the day when he heard another knock at his door.  He glanced up, expecting to see Sam.  To his surprise, there stood Tony Stark, all dressed up, probably for the presentation.

“You’re early,” Steve said as he stood up from the uncomfortable chair.

Tony shrugged.  “I figured you’d still be here working yourself like a dog, unless I showed up to convince you to change.”  

Steve kissed Tony sweetly.  “I was just gonna wear this. I don’t exactly have anything to change into. ”

Tony tuted at him.  “Not true.  I have your spare suit in the car downstairs, just waiting for you to change into it before we leave.”

“Thank you,” Steve said sincerely.  “I didn't even think about bringing a change of clothes.”

“Don’t mention it,” Tony said, kissing Steve’s cheek.  “You nervous about tonight?”

Steve smiled tightly.  “I don’t know if I feel _nervous_.  I just feel almost… _guilty._  I was just doing my job--with a lot of my colleagues.  I was just the guy who followed the right lead, and now I’m getting some award while they just watch.  It feels _wrong_.”

Tony laughed.  “God, I love you.  All about truth and justice.  Steve, you did good.  I know for you it’s all in a day’s work, but I don’t think you realize how important the work you do actually is.  You saved a kid--albeit an important kid, but you did good.  Just try to enjoy it while it lasts.”

Steve’s smile softened.  “I guess--”

“No arguments,” Tony put his finger to Steve’s lips, silencing him.  “Let’s just try to make tonight enjoyable.”

Steve nodded.  “Sounds fair.”

Tony took Steve’s hand and led him out to the car that he had waiting for them.  “Remember after your presentation, we have my father’s gala to attend.”

“How could I forget,” Steve said with a deadpan expression.  He had completely forgotten about the Stark gala, but he wasn’t about to admit it to Tony.  He had so many other things to worry about that it had completely slipped his mind.

“We’ve just got to make a brief appearance and then we can get out of there and head home,” Tony said.  “I think I hate those things more than you do.”

It was doubtful.  Tony liked the spotlight, while Steve… detested it.  However, Steve appreciated that Tony was giving him an out.

“We can stay as long as you want,” Steve said genuinely.  “I like them a lot more than when we first started dating.  I’m getting used to it.”

“Regardless, tonight’s got enough going on, and we’re supposed to be celebrating you.  I promise we’ll only be at the gala briefly.”

Steve shrugged.  “I wish we could leave _the presentation_ after only making a ‘brief appearance’.”

They sat down in the car.  And Steve quickly changed into the other suit as their chauffeur, Happy, began driving them to the venue.  

“Are you gonna give a speech?”

Steve chuckled.  “If you can call it that.  I’m essentially going to thank my team, and say I’m just glad that the child is safe and sound.  That’ll cover it, I hope.”

“That _should_ just about do it,” Tony laughed.  “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”

Steve looked at Tony, stunned.  Not that Tony felt that way, no, stunned to actually hear the words aloud.  He had never thought of himself as doing anything extraordinary.  It was his job.  But he had lost his parents years ago, along with most of his support system.  It was odd hearing those words from anyone, nevermind his ridiculously successful partner.

“Thanks, Tony.  I appreciate it.” That was all Steve could manage to say.  There was so much more that he would have _liked_ to have said, but he just couldn’t find the words.

They arrived at the venue, and Tony led Steve out of the car and into the large ballroom.  Steve groaned as he saw his boss, Nick Fury chatting with the senator.  Steve could only imagine that he was doing his very best to convince her that Steve’s success was nothing but luck and that it was just chance that he was able to find her missing son.

Tony must have noticed him too.  “At least your boss showed up to pay some respect.”

Steve snorted.  “He’s just keeping up appearances.  If the senator has the successful presidential run that she hopes she’ll have, Fury’s vying for a spot in her cabinet.  He can’t exactly be M.I.A. for the celebration of her son’s safe return.”

“At least that means he’ll probably play nice if he thinks Senator Hill is watching.” Tony pointed out.  “Not to mention that he’s still trying to get on _my_ goodside.  Maybe he’ll think that if he plays nice with you that I’ll finally give him that weapon’s contract he’s been dying to get my father to sign.”

“Thanks, but I don’t want him to go easy on me because of who I’m dating, especially since it’ll go away when you’re not around,” Steve said.  “Besides, he’s going to have to get over it eventually.  Like it or not, I put him in Hill’s good graces.”

“Well,” Tony said, taking a seat at the table.  “Hopefully he realizes this sooner rather than later.  I know you said work’s been hostile lately.”

Steve made a face as he sat down next to Tony.  “‘Hostile’ isn’t exactly the word I’d use.  It’s more of a cold war.  He won’t give me cases, and I refuse to go ask for them.  Right now we’re just waiting for one of us to break.  I’ve been throwing myself into paperwork, and he’s been handing the good cases to Rumlow.  Sooner or later he’s gonna have to throw one my way.”

“I honestly have never been so attracted to stubbornness, but hearing that did things to me, Rogers,” Tony said teasingly.

“I did my job,” Steve said sternly.  “Sure it didn’t go as smoothly as it could’ve gone, but there wasn’t much damage done to any other cases, and he’s going to have to accept sooner or later that I’m the best field agent he’s got.”

Tony nodded as he took a sip of champagne.  “Finally, something we can agree on.  I’m glad that you’re not just letting him walk all over you either.”

“Of course not,” Steve said with a grimace.  “I may not be confrontational, but I’ve never been one to run away with my tail between my legs either.”

Tony went to respond as the lights dimmed and Senator Maria Hill began to speak.  Honestly, Steve wished he could’ve paid due attention to the senator, but he couldn’t focus on what she was saying.  He just felt enormously uncomfortable sitting there, knowing that he was being praised for doing something that he had done on a regular basis.  

Finally after about an hour of listening to the senator, his boss, and his colleagues tell nice, and in some cases incredibly exaggerated stories about him, he had to get up and give his speech.

Steve slowly made his way up to the stage, shaking the senator’s hand as he reached her.  He cleared his throat as he approached the microphone.  “Uhm.  I’d like to thank you all for taking the time to be here tonight, I’m sure most of you had other things to do on this lovely Friday evening.  I’d like to say firstly, that the most important thing is that Senator Hill’s son is home, safe where he belongs.  I’d like to thank my partner, Tony for being so understanding throughout all the 20 hour work days, and nights where I stayed at the office to try and find Parker.  Most importantly though, I have to dedicate this to my team that spent just as much time and effort tracking down Parker as I did. I was just the guy who followed up on the right lead.  It just as easily could’ve been someone else.  So if you don’t mind, Senator,  I’d like to share this with them.  Honestly, if it weren’t for all of us on that team, I’m not so sure that your son _would_ be safe where he belongs.  Thank you for this honor, I appreciate everything, but it was not my work alone that brought Parker home..”

Steve practically raced off the stage.  Tony was grinning ear to ear as Steve made his way back to him.

He kissed Steve sweetly.  “You did great, babe.”

“Thanks,” Steve said modestly.  “I’m just gonna pay my respects to the senator and then we can get out of here.”

Tony nodded as the pair made their way over to Maria Hill.  “Senator,” Steve said shaking her hand.  “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Nonsense,” Maria said.  “It was the least we could do after all you’ve done .  Your speech was lovely by the way.”

Steve waved dismissively.  “I appreciate it, but I think it was a little shorter than I intended it to be.”

“It was lovely all the same,” Maria said politely.  “Is there any chance we can take you two out for drinks tonight?”

Steve frowned.  “I appreciate the offer, Ma’am, but Tony and I have a previous commitment.”

“In that case, don’t let me keep you.  I’ll see you both soon, I hope.”

“Likewise,” Steve said as he and Tony waved farewell to her.

They began making their way towards the exit as Steve began scanning the crowd.  “Did you see Sam by any chance?”

Tony shook his head.  “I didn’t, actually.  I’m not sure where he was seated, but it couldn’t have been close by.  I don’t think I saw him at all tonight.”

Steve sighed.  “I was gonna thank him for coming, I know that this isn’t exactly his thing.”

“You can always thank him Monday.”  Tony opened the exit door for Steve to walk through it.

Steve raised an eyebrow as he cocked his head to the side.  “I guess so.”

“Normally, I’d be fine if we stayed around and looked for him, but we’ve gotta get to the gala,” Tony said with a touch of sympathy in his voice.

Steve nodded.  “I know, we’ve gotta go.  Your father will blame me if we’re late.”

Tony laughed as he opened the car door for Steve and followed in after him.  

“How far are we from the gala?” Steve asked as Happy began to pull away from the curb.

Tony shrugged, clearly not too concerned.  “Maybe an hour or two.  We’ve also gotta stop by one of my client’s place.  I need to pick something up.  He’s on the way.”

Steve frowned.  They didn’t have enough time to look for Sam, but they had enough time to see a client.  It didn’t make sense. “We’ll still be on time?  Your dad already thinks that I’m a gold digger monopolizing your time.”

Tony laughed.  “Don’t worry.  It shouldn’t take too long, and if we’re late, I’ll just take the blame.”

Steve gave him a look.  “Your father will still find a way to make it my fault.”

“I know he’s a lot, but it’s just… him.  Don’t take it personally, he doesn’t care much for me either once the cameras stop rolling.  We’ll stay for an hour or two and then we can go a few weeks without seeing him,” Tony promised.

Steve shook his head.  “I’m not trying to keep you from your father.  I just don’t want to give him another reason not to like me.”

“I think he’s warming up to you,” Tony said unconvincingly.

Steve shot him another look but didn’t respond.  This errand Tony had to run had better been worth it.

After about forty-five minutes in the car they stopped, presumably at the client’s apartment complex.

“C’mon,” Tony said as he jumped out of the car.

“You want me to come with you?  I thought you were just picking something up,” Steve asked but he got out anyway.

"It’ll be quick, but I don’t want to leave you in the car.  I promise, it won’t be that long.”  Tony took Steve’s arm as he led him inside the apartment complex.

“Where are we?” Steve asked.  “You’ve never brought me here before.  I thought I’ve met all your clients.”

“This is a new guy,” Tony said distractedly.

Steve groaned.  “Wait, so is this your wine and dine meeting?  I don’t mind being your arm candy on these things, but maybe you work on planning this stuff better.  We’re gonna be so late to the gala.”

“Relax, this isn’t that. I’m just picking up some files. I promise we won’t be too late,” Tony reassured him.

Steve rolled his eyes.  “So much for punctuality.”

“Take it easy,” Tony chuckled.  “You worry too much.”

“If I don’t, you’d never make it anywhere on time,” Steve retorted.

Tony led him to the elevator and he hit the button for the top floor.  Steve not-so-subtly checked his watch as he shot Tony a look.  They were _definitely_ not making it to the gala on time.

Tony walked out of the elevator to the end of the hall.  He reached a door and opened it.

“Tony,” Steve hissed.  “You can’t just walk in.”

Tony ignored him as he entered the apartment and flicked on the lights.

“I don’t think anyone’s--” Steve walked into the apartment to see it filled with flowers and balloons, “...home. Tony, what is this?”

He cleared his throat as he tossed Steve a small box.

Steve opened it to see a key.  A key to what?  Why had Tony taken him here?  None of this was making any sense.

“Tony--I don’t--what--” Steve looked away to see Tony, down on one knee.  “What are you doing?  What's going on?”

“Babe, I know it's early, but these past several months have been some of the greatest in my life, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. Steve, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Steve’s jaw dropped as he stared at his boyfriend.  He wasn’t sure if he was hearing correctly.  It couldn’t be.  Tony Stark couldn’t possibly be asking for his hand in marriage.  “Wait… you… want to marry… me?” Steve asked dumbly.

“I thought that was pretty obvious by my asking.” Tony laughed nervously.  “An answer would be great.”

“Of course I’ll marry you.” Steve practically giggled as Tony stood up and kissed him deeply.  

Steve glanced around the apartment.  “So this place is ours?”

Tony nodded.  “We couldn’t stay in your place forever.  There’s no room for kids there.”

“This place is amazing,” Steve hastily changed the subject, not wanting to discuss children quite yet.

“I’d love to give you the tour but as you’ve been reminding me all night--”

“The gala,” Steve groaned audibly.  “I wish we could have some celebratory bonding time and check out the master bedroom.”

Tony chuckled.  “Ordinarily, I’d love to, but my father will have both our heads if we don’t get there soon.”

Steve draped his arms around Tony’s neck.  “Okay, but can we make that ‘brief appearance’ you were talking about earlier?”

Tony smirked.  “I think we can arrange that.”

Steve grinned as he met Tony’s lips with his own.  “Then let’s get going.  The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave and celebrate.”

“Yeah,” Tony said, half laughing. “Sounds like a plan.”

Steve grinned as he kissed Tony one more time before leading him out the door.

When they were back in the car, Steve could hardly keep his hands off of Tony.  The last thing he wanted was to go to this gala.  Tony’s father--Steve’s future father-in-law--wasn’t exactly his biggest fan.

But still, even the thought of Howard Stark couldn’t bring his mood down.  He hadn’t been this happy in God knows how long, and that had ended terribly.  It wouldn’t be like that with Tony.  Tony was different, and Steve wasn’t the same person he had been back then.

Steve smiled as he kissed Tony again, grateful that everything was always so easy between the two of them.  They stayed like that for a while, glued together in a loving embrace.

The car stopped and Steve let out a small huff, as he had to pull away from his fiancee.

“So,” Tony said as he caught his breath.  “When are you going to tell your family?  I’d love to meet them at some point before the wedding.  I know you said you have a small family but--”

“Tony, I think I should go talk to them in person,” Steve said as he sat up straight, “by myself.  It’s just that I haven’t been there in years, and like I told you, my family situation is complicated.  I just think it’ll go over better if I go tell them alone.”

Tony rubbed his forehead, clearly unhappy.  “All right.  If you think that’s best.”

Steve smiled thankfully.  “I do.  I promise once everything is explained and I catch up with everyone, I’ll introduce you to the whole family.  I promise.”

“Okay,” Tony said.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” Steve asked.

Tony laughed.  “Yes.  Believe me, I understand complex family issues.  I get it.”

Steve kissed Tony one last time.  “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Tony grinned.  “You say that now, but with me comes _my_ complicated family issues.”

Steve snorted.  “I bet mine are worse.”

Happy rolled down the partition.  “Sorry to interrupt, but we’re here.”

“Thanks, Happy,” Steve said, not looking away from Tony.

“We are gonna have to tell my father tonight,” Tony insisted.

Steve sighed audibly.  “If you want.”

Tony nodded.  “He’ll flip if he finds out that we got engaged before coming here and didn’t tell him until later.”

“You’re right,” Steve confessed.  “I just hope that he doesn’t tell anyone.  I’d hate for the press to hear about it before I get a chance to settle everything back east in Brooklyn.”

Tony smiled.  “Don’t worry.  The old man’s a steel trap.”  With that, he took Steve’s hand and led him out of the car.

Camera lights flashed, temporarily blinding Steve. The photographers and journalists all eagerly asking an abundance of questions at once.  Steve really hadn’t gotten used to this.  Tony had taken him to several events like this, and he never really got used to the press being so aggressive.  He shuddered, remembering the first time he and Tony went somewhere as a couple.  At least now their relationship was starting to seem like old news to the paparazzi.  He blinked as Tony expertly directed them inside towards Howard Stark.

“Tony,” Howard said through a tight smile.  “Fashionably late as always, I see.”

Tony let out one of the phoniest laughs that Steve had ever heard.  “I’ll explain later, Father, relax.”

Howard didn’t respond but he turned to Steve, shaking his hand firmly.  “Rogers, congratulations on your award.  Tony told me all about it.”

Steve tried his best to smile politely.  “Thank you, sir.”

Howard looked between Steve and his son.  “Why don’t you two relax, have a drink.  Stay a while.”  

So much for their quick exit.  Tony must’ve been thinking the same thing, because he made a face.  “Babe, why don’t you get us some drinks while I catch Dad up.”

Steve complied as he walked over to the bar, eager to get away from the awkward tension.  “Two beers, please,” Steve said to the bartender as he put some money down for a tip.  

Just as he was picking the drinks up to bring back to Tony he heard an enraged “YOU’RE ENGAGED?” echo throughout the venue.

Steve grimaced as he glanced over to the two Starks.  There was a brief moment when everyone at the gala froze.  Once that moment passed, the crowd erupted.  

Photographers swarmed both him and Tony.  The one good part was that Steve was far too overwhelmed to give any sort of statement, he was just trying to make his way over to Tony.  Every step Steve took felt like a mile as he tried to navigate through the crowd.

Luckily, Tony must’ve had an easier time getting through the sea of people, because he made his way over to Steve with ease.  “Ready for that speedy getaway you wanted?”

“Thank god,” Steve said trying to move closer to Tony and away from the flashing lights.

Tony grasped Steve’s hand and led him through the swarm of photographers.  This was exactly what Steve was hoping to avoid.  Tony tugged Steve out of the venue and into the car.

Steve groaned as he plopped against the chair.  “Some steel trap.”

“Sorry,” Tony said.  “I really didn’t think that he’d react that way.  He’s usually pretty collected when the cameras are around.”

Steve pressed his palms against his forehead.  “How soon can I book a flight to New York?”

Tony passed Steve his phone.  “I’ve got the apps for most of the major airlines on here.”

Steve sighed as he quickly scheduled his trip to Brooklyn.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Steve woke up to a very early alarm the following morning.  He glanced over at Tony’s side of the bed, he was still fast asleep.  Steve slowly stood up and creeped his way into the bathroom.  He was grateful that they had stayed at his place the night before, rather than the new apartment.  They didn’t want anyone finding their new address and after the crowd that followed them after gala, it was clearly the right call.  However, this morning it made things easier for Steve, he was able to expertly navigate the apartment without disturbing Tony.

He picked up his packed duffle bag and grabbed a cereal bar for the ride.  He pulled out his phone and opened up one of those apps that called a cab for you, when he bumped into someone on his way out the door.  Steve jumped nearly ten feet in the air as he saw Happy standing outside the apartment.

“Morning, Steve,” He said.

“What are you doing here?” Steve asked in a hushed whisper.  “It’s barely 4 AM.”

“Tony asked me to drive you to the airport this morning.”

Steve sighed.  Of course Tony would think of everything.  “That’s really not necessary, Happy.  I was just gonna--”

“Your car is still at your office.  Tony had me pick you up last night.”

Steve nodded, well aware of the location of his car.  “Yes, I remember.  I was just going to call a cab.”

“No need.”

“Thank you,” Steve said sincerely.  “I appreciate it.  I know you must be tired after last night.”

Happy shrugged as Steve followed him into the car.

Steve sat quietly in the back seat, he was exhausted and couldn’t even think of pleasant small talk to share with Happy.  Luckily, it wasn’t too long before they arrived at the airport.

“Thanks again, Happy.  You really didn’t have to drive me.”

“Don’t mention it,” Happy said with a yawn.

Steve dragged his duffle bag out of the car and sauntered into the airport. He never thought he would ever go back to Brooklyn, not after everything that happened there.

Steve walked over to the gate.  He sat down in the waiting area and checked his emails.  To his relief, his lawyer had forwarded the paperwork to him.  Steve downloaded the documents onto his phone before texting Tony. ‘ _ At the airport.  Waiting to board.  I’ll text you when I land.’ _

After a few minutes, he heard himself being paged to the counter.  Steve raised an eyebrow as he stood up and walked over to them.

“Can I help you?” The attendant asked cheerily.

“I’m not sure you paged me on the overhead.  I’m Steve Rogers.”

“Oh.” She grinned widely.  “Your ticket has been upgraded to first class.”

_ Tony _ .  God he was so good to him.  Steve never would have sprung for the first class ticket.  Leave it to his fiancee to make sure he was taken care of.

“Oh, thank you.”

“Congratulations by the way.  I heard it was the talk of the Stark Gala.  Have you two set a date yet?” She asked.

“Not yet. We’re not in a rush,” Steve said through a tight smile as he headed back to sit in the waiting area.  He had to get everything settled in New York as soon as possible.  Hopefully no one had been keeping tabs on him back home, otherwise this news would complicate things.

After about an hour, Steve was able to board the plane.  He awkwardly took his new seat in first class.  He had to admit, it was pretty comfortable.  At least he would probably be able to sleep the entire time.  That is, if his nerves didn’t get the best of him.  What was he going to say?  How does someone even start that conversation?

Luckily for Steve, his exhaustion won out over his anxiety in the end.  He wound up sleeping almost the entire plane ride there, only waking up briefly to use the facilities.  Before he knew it, he was back home in New York.  Thankfully, Steve hadn’t had to check his bag, as he had packed light.  Hopefully, he wouldn’t be in Brooklyn for too long.

Steve walked through the airport to the rental car center.  He sighed.  This was probably going to cost him a small fortune given that he hadn’t been able to schedule a reservation.  

“Excuse me,” he said to the gentleman behind the counter.  “I need to set up a rental.  It’s a last minute trip and I don’t have a reservation.”

The man nodded understandingly.  “Let me just see some identification and we can get started.”

Steve swiftly handed over his driver’s license as the man started typing away.  After a few moments, confusion flashed over the man’s face.

“I’m sorry.” The man smiled nervously.  “I thought you said that you didn’t have a reservation.”

“That’s right,” Steve said as he crossed his arms.  

The man--his name tag said David, opened his mouth and then shut it, before opening it again.  

“Is there a problem?” Steve asked, confused.

David’s head teetered back and forth between his shoulders, clearly searching for the words.  “There appears to be a reservation that was set up for you this morning.  The billing name is--”

“Let me guess,” Steve said with a small laugh.  “Tony Stark set up the reservation?”

David nodded.  “It would appear so, sir.  Do you want me to continue with your reservation or would you rather cancel it and set up another one?”

“We can just continue with the one he arranged, I guess.” Steve shook his head, Tony really  _ had _ thought of everything, even going as far as to schedule a car reservation with the only company Steve ever used.  God, Tony was not making this easy.  He felt a pang of guilt, remembering the reason for this trip.

David handed him the keys and Steve almost wished he had cancelled Tony’s reservation.  Of course Tony had not settled for a base model car, but had splurged for an Escalade with insurance.  No matter how long he and Tony were together, Steve could never wrap his head around all the expensive gifts and luxuries that came with his surname.

Steve begrudgingly took the keys from David, and walked out to the lot.  He entered the car and took a deep breath.  He quickly texted Tony ‘ _ You’re the best.  Picked up the car, the flight was great.  I can’t wait to get back home to you.’ _

He tossed the phone down as he quickly plugged in his old address into the GPS on the dash.  He let out a deep breath.  As he hastily changed the address to the nearest Kinkos. 

Steve pulled out of the parking lot, and headed down the road.  Fortunately, he wasn’t too far from the nearest Kinkos.  Steve walked into the building and headed over to the self serve kiosk.  He quickly printed three copies of the forms that his lawyer had forwarded to him earlier, and purchased some pens, folders and tabs.  

Steve got back into the car, and organized all the forms, placing the tabs in their necessary places, making sure that he followed the lawyer’s instructions meticulously.  He sat in the lot for awhile, trying to figure out how to proceed.  This wasn’t exactly a normal situation, and he had been avoiding this trip like the plague.  After about fifteen minutes, struggling with the reality of the situation, he finally put the car in gear and headed towards his former home.  

The drive over was strange.  So much had changed since he left, but it was still so familiar, almost like he had entered into some parallel universe where everything was different but still the same.  One thing that was identical was the poor driving, it was a miracle anyone in the state had passed their road test.  He would settle for the grid locks in California anyday over the safety hazards of driving in New York.

After about an hour of aggressive driving, Steve finally parked in front of his old condominium.  Steve felt his heart pang.  It looked exactly the same as if nothing had happened there.  As if the emotional turmoil that had occurred was nonexistent.  It was just a house.  Just a house that used to be his home.

Steve took a deep breath as he mustered up his nerve.  He grabbed the documents and got out of the car.  He walked up the steps to the stoop and paused as he stared at the door.  He could just get back in his car right now and leave.  Just explain everything to Tony, maybe he’d understand.  Maybe they didn’t need to get married.  They could live their lives perfectly happily if they were just long term boyfriends who lived together.  Right?  No.  That wasn’t what Tony wanted, and it wasn’t what Steve wanted either.

He let out a breath as he raised his fist, and knocked.  He immediately regretted it.  Maybe no one was home.  Maybe he could just leave the papers in the mailbox and then the whole thing would be taken care of.  But Steve knew better.  That wouldn’t solve anything.

But luck appeared to be on his side, no one was coming to the door.  After about two minutes he turned away and went to go back to the car.  He was just down the steps when he heard, “Can I help you with somethin’?”

Steve stopped dead in his tracks.  His voice sounded the same.  It had been almost ten years. How could his voice still sounds the same?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, his voice shaky.  “I was hoping you could finally give me that divorce I’ve been askin’ for.” He turned around to find himself face to face with Bucky.  His hair had grown a little since he had last seen him, and he was bigger too, he had bulked up a bit.  Still, he looked the same, like almost no time had passed.

Bucky’s face fell as he looked Steve up and down.  “Steve?”

Steve walked towards him and handed him one of the folders.  “I put tabs where you have to sign.  This has been goin’ on for too long, Bucky.  It’s over.  Let’s just move on.”

Bucky rubbed his forehead as he laughed.  “You’ve gotta be out of your damn mind.  You show up here after nine years, and you expect me to just sign?  Just like that?  Not once did you call or text, or come over here to check in, and now you want me to do you a favor?”

Steve scoffed.  “I would hardly call it a ‘ _ favor’ _ .  Don’t pretend like you still wanna be married.  You knew where I was, it wasn’t a secret.  I sent you the papers several times, and you were able to send them right back to my apartment, so don’t give me that bull.”

“That doesn’t mean that I’m gonna give you what you want either,” Bucky said, shaking his head.  “You’ve got some nerve, Rogers.”

Steve groaned.  “We were kids when we got married, we weren’t right for each other.  Just sign the papers so we can move on with our lives.  There’s no reason to keep this up.  It’s a two way street, and you never reached out either--”

“I wasn’t the one who left.” Bucky spat.  “I didn’t abandon everything and everyone for a new luxurious life in California!  I wasn’t the one who should’ve reached out!”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “Then just divorce me already.  You clearly don’t wanna be with me anymore either.  You won’t have to deal with me and my  _ ‘abandonment’ _ ever again.”

“No.” Bucky said slowly.  “You’ve waited this long.  You can wait until I’m good and ready.”  Bucky tossed the folder back at Steve as he headed back into the condo.

Steve huffed, as he heard the door slam followed by the click of the lock.  That damn lock always used to stick when they tried to use it.  The lock still clicked.  Bucky really hadn’t changed the locks?  After all these years, he still used the same locks.  That gave him an idea.

Steve looked around the small concrete walkway that led up to the stoop.  If he remembered correctly, the loose block of cement was the third away from the steps.  He shoved it with his foot--jackpot, it popped right open and revealed the spare key that was just a little buried under some dirt and dust.

Steve blew on the key, getting rid of some of the excess dirt as he made his way up the stoop again.  He unlocked the door with ease and walked right in.  Steve froze.  The house looked the same.  If Bucky had changed anything, Steve couldn’t tell.  The place looked as though it had been frozen in time, as if he just came home from the store rather than being gone for nine years.

Bucky wandered back into the living area and shook his head.  “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.  How the hell did you get in here?”

Steve held up the key.  “I still remember my old hiding spot for this thing.  I can’t believe that you never changed the locks.”

“Didn’t think I’d have to.  You made it pretty damn clear that you were never comin’ back here.  Just get out,” Bucky said as he pointed to the door.  “Doesn’t matter if we’re in here or out there.  I’m not signin’ anything.”

Steve shook his head disapprovingly.  “Why? Why the hell would you want to keep being married?  You’ve made it clear that it’s not like you want me here, so just sign it and I’ll be out of your hair for good.”

“You don’t get to just show up here makin’ demands,” Bucky spat.  “I don’t owe you shit, and I’m not signing anything.  Not yet anyway.”

“Bucky--”

“Does anyone else even know you’re here?” Bucky asked.  “Have you spoken to any of the guys, or Phillips for that matter?  That man took you in after your ma passed, and I bet you haven’t even seen him yet.  Maybe if you go see him, and everyone else you left behind, I’ll  _ think _ about signing your stupid papers.”

“This isn’t about that--”

“So they don’t know you’re here.” Bucky shook his head.

“I don’t see what that has to do with anythin--”

“Of course you don’t, because it’s all about you.  You forget that you had a life here.  You had a family--”

Steve laughed cynically.  “Oh please!  What we had was barely a life, and I doubt anyone would consider it a family.  You were hardly ever around, and when you were you weren’t sober--”

“I’m not just talking about me, Rogers,” Bucky snapped.  “You left a lot of other people behind too, and you may have your issues with  _ me _ , but they never did shit to you.”

“I’m not here to justify my life, Buck.  I just want to move on with it.  So please, just sign the damn papers,” Steve pleaded.

“Get out of my house,” Bucky said quietly.  “You don’t live here anymore, and I want you out.”

“Sign the papers and I'll leave. You'll never see or hear from me ever again,” Steve promised.

“Get lost, or I promise I’ll  _ never _ sign the damn thing, “ Bucky retorted.  

Steve groaned.  “I’m doin’ you a favor!  If you don’t sign this’ll go to court and if you just don’t show up then you won’t even get a say on any of the terms--”

“Bullshit.  You don’t wanna go to court.  If you did, you would’ve done it years ago.”  Bucky rolled his eyes.

“It’s not ideal,” Steve admitted.  “But I want to move on with my life, and if I have to I’ll take it to court.”  
“I’m not afraid of you,” Bucky laughed.  “Go ahead take me to court.  If you think I’m just gonna cower at the threat of a courtroom you’re insane.”

“Why are you making this so difficult?” Steve asked aggravatedly.  “This shouldn’t be a fight.  I don’t wanna be married to you, you don’t wanna be married to me, so just sign this and we won’t be married anymore.” Steve shoved the folder back at Bucky.

“No,” Bucky repeated as he handed the folder back.  “Am I gonna have to call the cops or are you gonna leave?”

“Call the cops.  Be my guest.  I got in using a  _ key _ .   _ My key _ .  And since we’re not divorced, this is still my house!” Steve shot back.

“You know what?” Bucky asked as he waved his own phone at Steve.  “I’ll do you one better.”  He stormed off into what used to be the master bedroom.  

Steve sighed as he plopped down on the couch. The damn thing was still lumpy.  Steve shook his head, how had Bucky managed to keep everything the same?   _ Why _ had he chosen to keep everything the same?  It didn’t matter, he just needed to sign the divorce papers so they could both go their separate ways.  He didn’t know why Bucky was being so difficult about this.  It wasn’t as if he had tried to make amends or fought for their travesty of a marriage.  Steve had every right to ask for the divorce.  It had been nine years since they’d even spoken.  Why couldn’t Bucky just be reasonable about this?

It wasn’t long before Bucky returned to the living area.  His attitude appeared to have changed.  Rather than looking aggravated and hostile, he looked rather smug and happy with himself as he crossed his arms.

“What?” Steve asked annoyed.  “If you called the cops, it’s pointless.  I haven’t broken the law.  Besides, I’m FBI now.  You’re gonna need a much better argument than ‘He used a key to get into the house that’s in both our names.’”

“Oh, I didn’t call the cops,” Bucky said, his smugness unwavering.  

Steve rolled his eyes.  “Why don’t you just sign this and we’ll both be free of each other?  I won’t stop by ever again, you won’t have to deal with me and we can both get on with our lives.”

“I’m not signin’ anything.  I think I’ve made that pretty damn clear,” Bucky said with a smirk.

Steve rubbed his forehead, incredulously.  “Then I’m not going anywhere.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows and laughed as if there was some joke that Steve was missing out on.  “You sure about that?”

“Uh, yeah.  I want this taken care of once and for all,” Steve said as he crossed his arms.

“Not today, Rogers,” Bucky said with an air of confidence.

“Then I’m still not goin’ anywhere,” Steve said in confusion.

There was a knock on the door and Bucky clapped his hands together.  “I think that’s your cue to leave.”

Steve made a face as Bucky opened the door.

“Where is he?”  Steve heard a gruff voice say from the doorway.

“Right in here,” Bucky answered with an arrogant smirk.

Steve gaped as a man entered the room.  Shit.  Chester Phillips was currently in the house.

Steve shot Bucky the dirtiest look.  “Well played, Barnes.”

“Nice to see you too,” Phillips said dryly.  “Glad to see you’re alive and well.  A phone call would’ve been nice.”

Steve instinctively straightened up.  “With all due respect, Sir--”

“Cut the shit, Rogers.  You know damn well that Barnes isn’t doing crap right now.  Why don’t you get in your fancy rental and head back to my place.  Unless you’ve forgotten how to get there.”

Steve was fuming, but he couldn’t bring himself to disrespect Chester, not after everything he had done for him after his mother passed away.  “Yes, sir,” he grumbled.  

Steve walked out the door, making sure to bump into Bucky’s shoulder as he passed him on the way out.

He got in the car and drove several blocks down until he found a parking spot that was relatively close to Chester’s condo.  He got out of the car and walked a few blocks over.  When he arrived at Phillips’s place, he sat down on the stoop, still furious.  Steve had been through enough.  All he wanted was to move on with his life and that was proving to be impossible.

It wasn’t much longer before he saw Chester walking back over to the house.  He put his arms out in what Steve could only assume was exasperation.

“Don’t. I get it.  You were always Team Bucky but--”

“Oh please.  I’ve always been in your corner.  You can’t just expect the world to stop turning because you’re back in town and ready to deal with what you left behind.”

“I didn’t ask it to stop turning.  I asked him to sign the stupid divorce papers.”

Chester sighed.  “Can you really not understand why that may have brought up some unresolved issues?”

Steve gave him a look.  “I imagine it’s similar to how I feel being back here--”

“Yeah, but you chose to come back, Rogers. Give Barnes a chance to process everything.  You two went through a lot. Give him a second to catch up with all this,” Chester said, shaking his head.

“He’s had nine years to get used to the idea of us not bein’ together anymore,” Steve said stubbornly.

Phillips raised an eyebrow as he crossed his arms.  “Right, so time fixed everything, and you’re comin’ back home for a nice visit?  You said it yourself, this isn’t easy for you either.  At least you got to choose to deal with all this.”

“There you go again, takin’ his side.” Steve put his head in his hands.

“I’m not on anyone’s side--”

“Yeah that’s the problem--”

“Now hang on a minute,” Chester snapped.  “You left. At least Barnes had the decency to check in on me from time to time.  You couldn’t even been bothered to call.”

Steve sighed in defeat.  “If I called, then you would’ve convinced me to come back, and over time it just got harder to pick up the phone.  I’m sorry.  Really, I am.”

Phillips took a deep breath as he sat next to Steve on the stoop.  “I’m not judgin’, Steve, just explaining.  I get why you left, I do.  Don’t know what I would’ve done in your position.  That said he’s still human, he’s still gotta figure everything out.”

“I’m engaged,” Steve said quietly.  “I was gonna come tell you after Bucky signed everything.  I’d really appreciate it if you could come to the wedding.  I know it’s in California, and I’d pay for you to fly out and everything, you’re the only family I’ve got.”

Phillips clapped him on the back.  “Congratulations, I’m happy for you.  If it means that much to you, I’m sure I can find a way to make it there.”

Steve smiled softly.  “Thanks, sir.”

“Why don’t you come on in?  You’re always welcome to crash here.  I’ll fix us up some dinner?”

“Thank you, sir.  I really appreciate it,” Steve said honestly.  He hadn’t been planning on staying, but it was clear that Bucky was not going to sign anything that day.  Steve stood up and followed Chester into the house.

“So, this guy you’re marrying--it is a guy right?”

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, he’s definitely a guy.”

“You’re really serious about him?”

“Yeah,” Steve said honestly.  “We’ve been together for about a year or so now.  He’s good to me.  I told him I needed to come down here and sort things out with family and he was fine with it.  No questions asked.  And everything that I didn’t think of, he had already taken care of for me.  I’m lucky.”

Phillips grunted.  “Well I guess it’s about time you got a little luck.”

“Yeah,” Steve said sadly.  “Wish I got it a few years back, but I’m not complaining.  He’s great.  He makes everything feel so easy, and lord knows I haven’t felt that way since… before everything.”

Chester gave him a sympathetic look.  “Oh, before I forget, I want to show you somethin’.”  He led Steve over to the counter in the kitchen.  He opened up one of the drawers and pulled out a folder.  He looked through all of the contents before he snapped his fingers.  “Here it is.”  He pulled out a newspaper article.  Upon further inspection Steve realized that it was an article on how he had saved Parker Hill.

“You put this aside?” Steve asked, touched.

He waved dismissively.  “Don’t make a big thing about it.  I thought it’d be good to have around in case I needed to reference my expect mentoring abilities.”

Steve smiled.  “Well either way, that case got me in a lot of trouble.  I broke about ten covers in the process.”

“But the kid’s safe?”

“Yeah,” Steve said fondly.  “He’s safe.”

Phillips patted him on the back again.  “Look, give Barnes a chance, I’m sure he’ll come around.  If not, I’m sure your fiancee will understand.  I mean it’s not your average circumstances what happened between you and Barnes--”

“Yeah well I haven’t told him about any of it,” Steve confessed.  “It was too hard to talk about.  I mean, how do you start that conversation?  Then to go home and tell him ‘by the way I’m married,’  it’s just too much.”

“If he’s as great as you say he is, he’ll understand.”

“He is great.  But he’s still… I should’ve told him.  I know that.  I just don’t wanna mess it up.  It’ll be a lot easier to explain everything if I tell him ‘I’m divorced and here’s that story’ rather than ‘I’m still married to another man’.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.  

Phillips shrugged.  “Barnes’ll sign it eventually.  You’ve just gotta give him a little time.”

“I hope so,” Steve said honestly.  He felt his pocket vibrate.  He pulled his phone out.  Sam.  “I’ll be right pack, I gotta take this.”  Steve motioned to his phone as he stepped out.  

“What’s up, Sam?”  
“Seriously?  No call or nothin’ I find out you’re engaged by reading about it in the paper?”  

“Sorry,” Steve said sincerely.  “We didn’t exactly want anyone to know, but Howard had other plans.”

He heard Sam chuckle on the other end of the phone.  “Yeah, according the the paper, he ‘slipped up.’  Where are you?  I saw your car here but I went by your office and you weren’t in.  Fury got you workin’ a case as an engagement present?”

“I wish,”  Steve said honestly.  “I’m in Brooklyn.”

“Shit,” Sam said.  “Didn’t you just say that there wasn’t anything left for you there?”

Steve groaned as he sat back down on the stoop.  “Yeah, well, I may have exaggerated that a bit.  I do have  _ some  _ family here.  Family that I hope don’t read the same newspapers you do.”

“Why’s your car still here?”

“Oh, Tony picked me up last night.  Thanks for comin’ by the way.  I didn’t even get a chance to see you at the stupid presentation.”

“Yeah I was stuck in the back.  Fury had Riley and I sat near the exit.  Nice speech, though.”

“Thanks,” Steve said.  “Hopefully I shouldn’t be here too long--”

“Yeah, you better not be.  Clint and I are already planning out your bachelor party.” Steve could practically hear Sam’s smirk through the phone.

“Don’t get too many ideas.” Steve laughed.  “I’ve gotta take care of some stuff over here first before I can even think about any of that.” 

“I’ll leave you to it then.  See you soon, man.”

“Talk to you later, Sam.”

Steve hung up the phone and headed back into the small home.  He finally took notice of the place, at least Chester had updated it a bit.  The sofa was definitely new and it looked like the kitchen had some remodels too.  It was nice to see that some people were not content to leave everything outdated.

“So, the others know you’re here?” Phillips asked from the kitchen.

“Not unless Bucky told them,” Steve said.  “I wasn’t exactly planning on sticking around much.”

“Maybe you should go see some of ‘em.  I’m sure it’d be nice to see some old friends,” Chester mused.

Steve made a face.  “I think they classify as ‘Bucky’s friends’ now.  I can only imagine how he must’ve spun everything.”

“Wasn’t much he could ‘spin’, Steve.  You left without a word.  I think that’s all he had to say.”

Steve opened his mouth to protest.

“Now, I’m not sayin’ that you didn’t have your reasons,” Chester cut him off before he could get a word out.  “But I think you can agree that it could’ve been handled a little better.”

Steve frowned.  He had a point.

Phillips continued.  “Doesn’t matter though.  All I know is, everytime I see one of those kids they’re always askin’ about you.  Couldn’t hurt to reach out.”

“I’ll think about it,” Steve conceded.  

Chester nodded.  “Where’s all your stuff?  You’re staying here.  Don’t even think about heading to some hotel.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Steve said sarcastically.  “My bag’s in the car, I’ll bring it inside later.”

“Look,” Chester said seriously.  “You can take my room while you’re here.  I know you used to hate the sofa.”

“I didn’t  _ hate _ it,” Steve lied.  “Honest.  I’ve got no problem takin’ the couch.  It’ll be like old times.”

Phillips raised an eyebrow.  “You sure?  This is a one time offer.”

“Positive,” Steve said.  “I missed all this.  Besides it give me a chance to try out your new sofa.”

Chester laughed suspiciously.  “If you say so.  But I don’t wanna hear you complainin’ if it’s not comfortable enough for you.”  He changed the subject.  “You must be starvin’.  I’m gonna get a head start on dinner.  Make yourself at home.”

“Yeah, thanks.”  Steve sat down on the couch and tried to get comfortable.  Today had been an awful mess and all he wanted was for it to be over and done with.  Steve felt his eyelids becoming heavy as he tried to keep them open.  While he had gotten some sleep on the plane, the afternoon spat with Bucky had really taken a lot out of him, emotionally and physically.   Why couldn’t it have just been easier?  Bucky knew Steve was right.  He had to.  It had been  _ nine years _ .  It was time for them to move on.  Despite his best efforts, Steve drifted to sleep as he sat on the couch.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve woke up the next morning to Chester opening up the blinds in the living room.  “Don’t go sleeping the day away.”

Steve groaned.  “Have I been sleeping since yesterday afternoon?”

Chester nodded.  “You missed out on a pretty good dinner too.”

“Sorry,” Steve said honestly.  

“Don’t be,” Phillips answered. “You need rest.  What’s on the schedule for today?”

Steve raised an eyebrow.  “Well I was thinkin’ about heading to the bank.  I think I’ve still got some cash in there.  Then I was gonna go and try to talk to Bucky again.”

Phillips gave him a disapproving look.  “I thought you were gonna give him some time.”

 "I don’t got a lot of time,” Steve said trying to be patient.  “I need this taken care of as soon as possible.”

“Well I don’t know how harrassing the boy is gonna help,” Phillips said, clearly not agreeing with Steve’s plan of action.

Steve sighed.  “Trust me, I know Bucky.  If I just ignore it he’ll never sign.  I sent those papers to him several times after I moved to California.  He kept sending them back.  Enough is enough.  I need to move on with my life--”

“Don’t you mean _avoid_ your life?” Phillips cut him off.  “Steve you two went through a tragedy--”

“It’s not about that!” Steve snapped.  “I just want to get married to someone else.  That’s all it is.”

“Whatever you say, kid,” Chester said sadly.  “I just hope you’re really doing this for the right reasons and not because--”

“I’m not _‘avoiding’_ anything.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it.  Is that what you wanna hear?  I’m dealing with it, and it still hurts like hell!  Are you happy?  It happened--”

“And what does your fiancee say about it?”

“He--he doesn’t… I haven’t--”

“Exactly.  How can you enter into a life with someone if you haven’t told him--”

“I’ll tell him once this is all settled.” Steve said shortly.  

Chester gave him a disapproving look.  It wasn’t just disapproving, it said ‘I doubt it.’

“I’m gonna head out to the bank,” Steve said, changing the subject.

Chester laughed.  “Right so you’re not avoiding this conversation.”

Steve huffed.  “With all due respect, I do not have to explain myself.  I am in love, with someone who loves me back.  Someone who makes everything that happened here hurt a little bit less.  I want to hold onto that, not focus on the past.”

Chester didn’t say anything, but he clearly wasn’t buying into what Steve was saying.

“I’m gonna head out.  I’ll see you later,” Steve said, shaking his head.  He walked out the door and got into the car.  He didn’t need a lecture, he knew what he had went through way better than Phillips did.

Steve drove down to the bank, trying best not to think about the argument.  He parked two blocks down the road.  He got out of the car and headed was about to head inside when he heard an obnoxious beeping from the street.  Steve turned his head to see Peggy Carter, rolling down the window to her VW Beetle.  “Steve?  I didn’t think the rumors were true!”

“Hey, Peg,” Steve called back to her as she double parked.  She glanced both ways as she crossed the street over to him.

“Look at you,” She exclaimed.  “You look like you haven’t aged a day!”

Steve gave her a look.  “I doubt that.  You look better than ever, though.”  It was true, Peggy looked happy.  Happier than Steve had ever seen her.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Rogers,” She teased.  “I heard that congratulations are in order.  Unless the internet is grossly misinformed.”

Steve sighed.  “You heard right.  I’m actually here tryin’ to get a divorce.”

“I heard,” Peggy said.  “I ran into Bucky down by the bar.  He mentioned that you were trying to get all that settled.  He said you broke into the house too.”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “I didn’t _break in_.  I used a key, and it’s technically still _my_ house too.”

“Until he gives you the divorce anyway.  Unless you’re planning on sticking around.  Do you even want the house?”

“No, he can have it,” Steve said honestly.  “I want to get as far away from this place as possible.”

“I see you’re as dramatic as always.”  Peggy crossed her arms.

Steve gave a half shrug.  “This place has a lot more bad for me than good.  Too many memories here.”

She gave him a sympathetic look.  “For what it’s worth, I’m glad for you.  You look happy in your pictures.”

Steve smiled softly.  “I am.  Happier than I’ve been in a while.”

“I’m glad,” Peggy said, a hint of fondness in her voice.  “Look, I’ve gotta get going, but I’ll see you soon, all right.”

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, all right.  I’ll try and stop by before I head back home.  It was good to see you, Peg.”

“Back at you, Steve,” Peggy said as she walked back across the street to her car.

Steve watched her drive away, before he headed into the bank.  It was weird, the place had definitely been updated, there were lots of ATMs now, and the tellers were now located near the rear of the building rather than the entrance.  Steve sighed as he walked over to the teller.  He waited patiently on line.

Once it was his turn, he took a deep breath as he approached the counter.  “Hi, I’m sorry, I haven’t been here in awhile, and I don’t know my account number off hand.  I’ve got my license and my social, is that enough to find out what my balance is?”

The teller nodded, uninterestedly, as she took his license and handed him a slip.  “Write your social security number down on here, while I look you up in the system.”

Steve complied as the woman typed away on her computer.  Steve handed her the slip and she glanced at it before tearing it up .  “Do you want the balance of your personal or joint account?”

Steve paused, unsure.  “Did you say ‘ _joint’_ account?”

She nodded, her facial expression not changing from its dull state.  “That one’s been more active than your personal one.”

“Is it possible to have that transferred to my private account?”

She nodded, again not looking up from her screen.  “We can do that right now if you want.  You want to permanently close out the joint account?”

“Not yet,” Steve said.  “You can leave it there for now, I’m sure I’ll be making a deposit into it soon.”

She didn’t respond as she typed away on her computer.  After about two minutes she said, “You want a receipt?”

“Yes, please,” Steve answered politely.

The teller printed it out and practically threw it at Steve.  He took the receipt and stared at it, confused.  This was way too much money to have been in their joint account.  Bucky didn’t make that kind of cash, at least he didn’t used to.  But it didn’t matter.  He had no intention of keeping the money, but Bucky didn’t have to know that.  It couldn’t hurt to let him stew a little bit.

Steve headed back into the car, and got an idea.  This was going to be fun.

He spent most of the day going to various shops in the area.  It was strange, seeing how different a lot of the stores had become.  There were quite a few times that Steve showed up to a location only to find out it was a completely different store--or in one case an empty lot.  Things had certainly changed since the last time he had been in town.

Steve finally made it back to the old place.  Luckily, it appeared as though Bucky wasn’t home.  It was a Sunday, so he probably wasn’t working, maybe he was out at the bar or something.  Either way, Steve wanted to move quick, he had no idea how much time he had before Bucky would return home.

First, he tidied the place up a bit.  Well the living area anyway.  He was almost terrified to see the condition of the bedroom and the spare room… well Steve had no intentions of going in there.  Then he took most of the things he bought and spread them out around the place.  They were mostly curtains, table cloths, and new cushions for the couches and chairs--lord knows they needed it.  He had considered buying some more expensive items, like a new couch or refrigerator, but ultimately decided against it.  He had no clue what the measurements were and getting all that installed in one afternoon would be one hell of a project, so he bought enough to make a point without causing any lasting damage.

After a few hours of vacuuming, dusting, and rearranging, he heard a car door close.  Steve smirked as he waited in the kitchen, to see how Bucky would react to the redecorating. The door creaked open and Steve heard his _husband_ say, “What the fuck?”

Steve grinned as he walked out of the kitchen to see Bucky standing there dumbfounded.  “Like what I’ve done with the place?”

Bucky gritted his teeth.  “Steve--”

"This place was a mess, it took a while for me to clean up after you,” Steve said crossing his arms as he leaned against the empty doorway that led to the kitchen.  

“You made it all--”

“Decent?  Current?  New?”

“Different!” Bucky spat.  “Did it occur to you, that maybe I kept it the same way for a reason?”

“What reason would that be?  Poor taste?  No taste?”

“It was the only home he knew alright!” Bucky snapped.

Steve’s face fell.  He wasn’t expecting that.  “I’ll put it all back if you want--”

“I want you to go!”

Steve inhaled sharply.  “I may have done something… _worse_ than redecorating.”

“What?”  Bucky said gruffly.

"The joint account--”

“Goddammit, Steve!  Why are you doing this?  You want your divorce that badly, I’ll sign the damn papers!” Bucky said with his arms out.  

Steve went back into the kitchen and grabbed the folder, before he could make it back over to the living room, Bucky snatched it out of his hands and began reading it over.

“At risk of making this even worse… where did you get that kind of money, Buck?  You’re not… not doing anything illegal, are you?”

Bucky laughed bitterly.  “None of your business if I am.  I don’t ask you about your fiancee, you don’t ask me about my money.”

Steve’s face fell.  “Who told you about Tony?”

“No one,” Bucky said shaking his head.  “I’m not an idiot.  I know there’s only one reason that you’d come all this way and try to get me to sign the damn thing.  It only took me a quick google search to see that I was right.”

“I was gonna tell you--”

“Why?  You don’t-- Steve, you don’t owe me anything,” Bucky said quietly.  “We had a life together at one point, but that ended nine years ago, I’m not kidding myself.  It’s not like you find the love of your life on the schoolyard.”

Steve smiled softly.  “I guess you’re right.”

"I’ll have my lawyer take a look at these and it’ll be taken care of,” Bucky said putting the forms down.

Steve sighed.  “I’m not after anything, everything in there is saying that you keep what you have here--including the joint account, and I keep everything I have in California.”

“This coming from the guy who stole all my money?  Yeah, I’m definitely not takin’ your word for it, Rogers.”

"Bucky, just--”

“That reminds me, I’ve got plans for tonight.  I’ll see you soon,” Bucky said with a smirk as he got up from the couch and walked into the bedroom.

Steve groaned, as he walked out the door, and headed into the car.  At least Bucky was considering signing.  His day hadn’t been a complete waste of time.  Steve headed back to Philips’s house.

He walked into the condo to see Chester cooking up a storm. “Hey, Rogers.  Productive day?”

Steve groaned as he plopped down on the couch, feeling like a teenager again.  “I don’t know.  I think I fucked up.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Chester said.  “What’d you do?”

Steve pouted.  “I rearranged the house… Bucky’s house… our house… and I may have stolen all his money.”

There was silence, for a long uncomfortable moment.  “Did you give it back?”

“Not yet,” Steve said honestly.  “ _I will_ ,” he continued hastily.  “The bank’s closed now, because it’s Sunday and they close early.  I’m gonna put it all back tomorrow.”

“Good,” Chester said sternly.  “How did you manage that one exactly?”

 “Joint account.”

“Right, and what about the redecorating?”

Steve felt a wave of nausea as he heard Bucky’s words echo inside his head ‘ _It was the only home he knew’_.  “He didn’t like it,” Steve said shortly, not wanting to go into specifics.  It was too much to deal with at once.

Phillips made a face, clearly not buying it, but he didn’t push the subject.  “Look just give him the money back, and he can put all the furniture back whatever way he wants.  It’s not the end of the world.”

“Feels like it,” Steve muttered.  “He still didn’t sign the papers--”

“Would you?” Phillips scoffed.  “C’mon Steve, if someone took all your money and rearranged your house would _you_ do what they were asking you to?”

“I guess not,” Steve admitted.  “I just want this over and done with.  He’s being so difficult--”

“You’re not exactly a great sport about it either.”

Steve shook his head.  “I guess not.”

“You been to the cemetery yet?  I’m sure there are quite a few people who’d like a visit--”

“I don’t know if I’m up to it,” Steve said shortly.  “I don’t really know if I’ll ever be up to it.”

Phillips nodded.  “Fair enough.  I think you’re entitled.  You’ve had enough tragedy to last someone a lifetime.”

Steve shrugged as he felt a pang of guilt.  “Maybe.  I don’t know.  It feels weird whenever I go there.  Makes it more real, I guess.”

“Understandable.  Now don’t go passin out on me again,  I’m makin’ your favorite tonight.”

"Thanks,” Steve said.  “Sorry about this morning--”

“Don’t sweat it, kid.”

Steve nodded.  This was exactly how high school went over.  Steve would say or do something arrogant or foolish, Phillips would call him out on it, and then they would avoid each other for the majority of the day until they each had a chance to calm down a bit.  It probably wasn’t the best way to handle conflict but it worked for them.

“I ran into Peggy today,” Steve said, changing the subject.

“Yeah?  I always liked that girl, _she_ still calls me from time to time.” Chester walked back over to the kitchen.

Steve groaned.  “I promise I’ll work on that.  I didn’t do it to be--”

“Rude? Disrespectful?”

Steve paused.  He deserved that.  “Yeah, both of those.  I just… I couldn’t… it was too hard.”

Chester sighed.  “I know, kid, I know.  That said a postcard would’ve been nice.  You dropped off the face of the Earth.  I kept lookin’ you up online to make sure you didn’t end up dead in some ditch somewhere.  Finally I saw that you were doin’ just fine, saving some kids over in California.  I guess it makes sense… all things considered.”

Steve raised his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side.  “Maybe.  I guess so, doesn’t make much of a difference though.  I still made a mess of all this.”

“Yeah, it’s called being human, Steve,” Chester laughed.

“I guess,” Steve said noncommittal.  “Do people still hang around at _Rookies_?  I could use a drink.”

Phillips nodded.  “Yeah, people still go there, not sure about your old crowd, but sometimes you can hear them down here if there’s a big game.”

“I was thinkin’ about heading over there tonight.”   

"So long as it’s after dinner, you can do what you like.  It’s not like you’ve got a curfew anymore,” Phillips said dully.

“Habit,” Steve said honestly.  He and Bucky had moved in together not long after high school, it was strange going out without hearing Chester grumble a time he better be back by.  Lord knows he never missed curfew, once he had tried to push it and the punishment had been astronomical, he never tried anything like that again.

Steve sighed as he pulled out his phone.  He had three missed calls from Tony.  

“I’m just gonna step outside,” Steve said waving his phone.

Phillips didn’t acknowledge him, so Steve just went out on the stoop.

Tony picked up the phone after two rings.  “How’s New York?  How has your family reacted to the news?”

“Well so far, no one’s shouted at me from across a room full of reporters, so I guess they’re takin’ it better than your family,” Steve teased.  “Honestly, it’s been kinda hectic.  I can’t wait to just get back on a plane and come back home to you.”

“Speaking of which, when are you planning on flying back?  I’ve gotta know when to pick you up.”

Steve frowned, grateful Tony couldn’t see him over the phone.  There wasn’t really a clear answer to that.  “That depends,”  Steve said honestly.  “I’ve still got some stuff to take care of here, and lord knows I’ll never hear the end of it if I leave after only a few days.  It won’t be too much longer.  I promise.”

“Oh _please_.  Stay as long as you want,” Tony said, sounding sincere.  “I know it’s been forever since you went back home.”  If only Tony knew _why_ that was.  

“Thanks, Tony.  I was thinking maybe we could take a trip over here once everything calms down with the company?  I want to introduce you to some people.”  People in this case, mainly meant Chester, but that was a different story for a different time.

“Seriously?  I’ve been trying to get you to introduce me to your family for most of our relationship.  I’d love that, Steve.”

Steve felt a pang of guilt.  Tony was being so great about all of this. He wouldn’t have blamed Tony if he were irritated or annoyed, but he was just so understanding.  Which only made Steve feel worse.  Steve had lied.  Lied about something extremely important; he didn’t deserve Tony’s understanding or affection.

“I’m glad.  I forgot how much I missed this place,” Steve said honestly.  Sure it was weird being back, and Steve had no intentions of staying long term, but it was still home.

"I’m glad you’re having fun.  Look, babe, I’ve gotta run, I’m meeting with a client in a half hour.  I’ll talk to you soon.  Love you.”

“Love you too,” Steve said as he hung up the phone.  It was strange saying those words while he knew he was still married to another man.  Another man who was so closeby that he could’ve overheard the conversation had he wanted to.

Steve headed back inside, as Phillips was putting dinner down on the table.  “Meatloaf.  Your favorite.”

Steve smiled.  It wasn’t his favorite.  His favorite was his mother’s homemade stew, but he had never had the heart to tell Chester that.  Besides, it wouldn’t make a difference, no one could make it quite like his mother anyway.  “Thank you, sir.”

“Don’t mention it.  It’s not every day you’re in town.  Besides, I’ve been looking for an excuse to cook for anyone other than just me.”

Steve felt guilt wash over him again.  He and Bucky used to try and come over for dinner at Chester’s at least once a week when they were together.  It hadn’t occurred to him that Bucky probably didn’t do that anymore until now.

Steve took a forkful of meat and shoved it in his mouth.  It tasted the same.  It tasted like home.  “It’s good,” Steve said in between bites.

“Glad you like it,” Phillips said, eating a much more leisurely pace than Steve was.

“Tastes the same,” Steve said through a mouthful.  

Phillips gave him a look.  “Try taking human bites for a change, Rogers.  You’ll choke if you keep it up.”

Steve slowly put his fork down and chewed slower.  He hadn’t eaten a meal like that in years.  He was a shit cook, and he and Tony mostly ate out.  He couldn’t remember the last homemade meal he had.  “Sorry, sir,” Steve said after he swallowed.  “Haven’t had it in a while.”

“‘S okay.  Just don’t choke yourself.  The food’s not goin’ anywhere.”

 Steve nodded as he resumed eating at a more humane pace.  

After dinner, Steve quickly changed and headed out to the sport’s bar. _Rookies_ was only a few blocks away, so he didn’t need to take the car.  After about ten minutes he arrived.  The place looked almost the same as it had before he left.  The only exception was the addition of an ATM.

Steve had barely stepped inside of the bar, when he heard someone yell, “Holy Shit!  I thought my good for nothing brother had driven _you_ out of town for good.”

Steve scanned the crowd before seeing none other than Becky Barnes walking over to him.  He wasn’t sure what to expect.  He had always liked Rebecca, but he wasn’t sure how she felt about him after all this time.

“Hi, Becs, how are you?” Steve asked cautiously.

She pulled him into a tight bear hug.  “I’m the same.  You, on the other hand… must’ve been some emergency for you to come back here.  Not that I’m complaining, I’d take any excuse to see my favorite brother-in-law.”

Steve sighed.  “Hopefully that’ll be _ex-_ brother-in-law soon.  I’m engaged.”

Disappointment momentarily flashed across her face, but it disappeared as quickly as it had shown up.  “Congratulations.  I know everything was just too… you know, for you to stay here.  Things went from bad to worse.  Still, I always thought you two would make it work.”

Steve frowned.  At one point, he probably would’ve hoped that he and Bucky had a chance at making it work too, but it had been almost a decade and things hadn’t gotten any easier.  Even being at _Rookies_ brought up some strange feelings that Steve hadn’t anticipated.  

“Don’t look now, but Buck’s over at one of those tables with some hot date tonight,” Rebecca warned him.

Steve wasn’t sure if Becky had expected him to be jealous, or angry, but he was just annoyed.  This was what was so pressing that he couldn’t look the papers over and sign them.  A night out at the bar.  Typical.  He didn’t know why he was so surprised.

Steve rolled his eyes.  “Shocking.”

“You in town for a while?”

Steve shrugged.  “Depends on how long it takes your brother to give me a divorce.”

“I’ll talk to him,” She promised.  “He can get so stubborn.”

Steve gave her a look.  Bucky may have been stubborn, but next to Becky, he was flexible.  He remembered back when they had to drag her to school on her birthday when she was seven.  She had demanded to have the day off, and Bucky literally had to carry her the whole way kicking and screaming.  

“Shut up,” She said, clearly knowing what he was thinking.  “I’d hardly refuse to divorce my estranged husband after not seein’ him for the better part of a decade.”

“Yeah well that’s Bucky.  Nothing’s ever easy with him.”

She gave him a sad look, and Steve had a feeling that the conversation was going to enter into depressing territory.  Steve did not want to rehash anything.  He wasn’t here to talk about why he left, or what led up to it.  He was here to move on.

“I’m gonna go get a drink.  It was nice seeing you, Becs.”

"See you later, Steve,” She said as he headed over to the bar.  

He ordered a beer and against his better judgement walked over to Bucky.  He wasn’t hard to find, sitting with some guy who was laughing obnoxiously at something Bucky said.

Steve crossed his arms.  “ _Babe_ , I thought you’d changed.  If we’re gonna get back together you’ve gotta stop steppin’ out on me.” Steve said raising an eyebrow.

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “What do you want, Rogers?  I told you I’ll sign your damn divorce papers after my lawyer takes a look at them.”

Steve shook his head.  “I can’t believe you.  Instead of just divorcing me and getting this over with you’re _here._  I don’t know why I’m surprised, you spent more time here than at home when we were together.”

“Steve--”

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude,” Steve said, turning to Bucky’s date.  “I’m his husband who he won’t divorce.  Did he tell you about that?  That he’s still married and won’t sign the divorce papers.  Seems like he’s got some trouble letting go.”

“Shut up,” Bucky said.  He looked to his date.  “You’ll have to excuse him.  Apparently I’m not allowed to have my lawyer double check anything without him having a bitch fit.”

“I thought you used to like it when I’d come drag you out of here,” Steve said, feigning innocent.  “I mean I used to have to do it all the time.”

Bucky shook his head, clearly aggravated.  “I’m not gonna drop everythin’ because you’re finally back in town.”

“Gee that sounds familiar.”  It was a low blow, that would’ve gone unnoticed to anyone that wasn’t Steve or Bucky.  He must’ve made his point though, because the emotions that flashed across Bucky’s face said it all.

“Why don’t you just go back to California.  I’ll fedex you your damn papers overnight.  So long as I don’t have to deal with you,” Bucky spat.

“Sign the papers, and I’ll be on the first flight home,” Steve said, crossing his arms.

Bucky opened his mouth and shut it again, clearly searching for the right words.  “We’re not doing this right now.”

Steve opened his mouth to protest when he felt someone clap him on the back.

“Well goddamn, it must be gettin’ pretty chilly in hell if you’re back here.”

Steve turned to see Tim “Dum Dum” Dugan standing beside him.

“How you doing, Steve?  Buck said you were back in town, wasn’t sure it was true though.”  

Steve shot a nasty look at Bucky.  “Well I’d probably be gone by now, if Barnes would just sign my damn divorce papers.”

Dugan laughed.  “Seriously?”  

When no one else laughed with him, it became awkwardly quiet.

“C’mon, Barnes,” Dugan said, rubbing his forehead with his sleeve.  “I thought you’d taken care of that like five years ago.”

“Trust me, he didn’t.  Just kept sendin’ the papers back without a signature.”

“Shit,” Dugan said.  “At least it gave you an excuse to come see the rest of us.”

Bucky laughed bitterly.  “Please.  I bet he wasn’t planning on seeing anyone if I had just signed the papers when he first showed up.  Thinks he’s better than us now.”

“Wanting to move on with my life doesn’t mean I think I’m better than anyone.” Steve’s eyes narrowed.  “You, on the other hand… always too good to sign, too good to come home, too good to pick up the damn phone, too good to show up at the hospital--”

Bucky slammed his hand on the table, and the whole restaurant got quiet.  “We’re not doin’ this now!  You wanna fight it out, fine, we’ll fight!  But not here and not now!”

Steve went to argue back, but Dugan stepped in.  “All right, relax.  Let me buy you your next drink, Steve.  Give us a chance to catch up.”

Steve hesitantly went with him, not wanting to let this go, but ultimately decided to put a pin in it.  He followed Tim over to the bar and took a seat on one of the stools.

“So where’s the rest of the motley crew?  I thought I’d see them around here,” Steve said, creating small talk, and trying not to look at Bucky and his date.

“Most of ‘em don’t come out as much anymore,” Dugan said as he ordered himself a drink.  “Jones is working at some hoity toity club on the other side of town.  He usually stops by here when he gets off, though.  Falsworth settled down… he’s got a couple of kids actually.  Morita’s got some nine to five in Manhattan, by the time he gets home with after all the traffic he usually just passes out, sometimes he’ll go out with us on Saturday nights, though.  That leaves Dernier, who’s dating some chick right now, he usually hangs out with her friends, but occasionally we can drag him away.  And I heard you saw Peg.”

Steve let out a low whistle.  “Wow.  Everyone’s got on with their lives. What do you do now? Other than come here, I mean.”

“I’ve got a job down by the docks, it’s shit hours but it pays off at the end of the day.  What about you?  You still a cop?”

“Not exactly.  I’m working for the FBI now, I work in kidnappings.”

“Really?  I mean I’m sure you’re good at it, but isn’t that a little--”

“I mean it’s hard, but so far I’ve saved a lot more kids than not.  It’s not easy, but I get to help people.  At the end of the day, it helps me too, I guess.”

Dugan nodded, and Steve cursed himself because he couldn’t stop looking over at Bucky and his date.  

“It’s not serious if that’s what you’re wondering.” Dugan piped up.  “I doubt he’ll see this one again.  Usually his limit is two dates until he ends it for no reason--”

“Good for him,” Steve cut him off, not wanting to talk about Bucky’s love life.  “I’m engaged.”

“I know, I read about it on the internet.  It’s not every day Tony Stark gets engaged.”

“Yeah, you said Falsworth’s got kids?” Steve said, feeling jealousy, anxiety, guilt and anguish all at once.  How much had he missed since he was last there?  

Dugan chuckled.  “Yeah, I know it’s weird.  But he’s got two and another one on the way.  He seems happy.”

Steve took a deep breath.  “That’s good for him, I’m glad everyone’s doing well.”

“And you?  How are you doing?  I know things were pretty rough last time I saw you,” Dugan asked, face full of concern.

“I’m fine,” Steve said, not wanting to go into details about the last time he saw his friend.  “I’m in a much better place now.  I’m just trying to take the next step in my life, and Bucky’s been making that impossible.”

Dugan frowned.  “He’s… it hasn’t been easy for him either.”

Steve laughed bitterly as he finished his beer.  “I’m gonna need somethin’ stronger than this.”

Dugan laughed.  “That’s the Steve Rogers I remember.  I’ll get us some shots of whiskey.”

“Sounds good,” Steve agreed, anything to numb the nagging feeling he got every time he looked at Bucky was welcome.  All he wanted was to forget.  Forget everything that happened here.

Steve wasn’t sure exactly how many shots of whiskey he drank that night; he had stopped counting after five.  At some point Gabe Jones had joined them, and they were walking down memory lane.

Steve couldn’t stop laughing, even when there wasn’t anything that funny.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that he was blasted.  How long had they been there?  Not long enough.  He was still conscious.

At one point, Bucky’s date must’ve left, because they were all sitting together.  When had that happened?  Steve didn’t remember.  

“So, James,” Rebecca asked as she sat down next to her brother in the booth.  “Are you gonna divorce him or what?”

Bucky made a face.  “Eventually, he’s waited this long, a few more days won’t kill him.”

Steve laughed--genuinely laughed at that.  “Bet you wish it would, though.  Right, Bucky?”

It got dead quiet.  No one said a word.  They were the only ones left in the bar.  Where had everyone else gone?

“Remember that time we went down to Coney Island and I got so sick that you had to take me to the medical tent?” Gabe interjected clearly trying to diffuse the tension.

“How could I forget?” Steve laughed.  “That was the day Becky asked us to adopt.”

Bucky’s face became hard as stone.  He wasn’t laughing. No one was.  Why was Steve the only one laughing?

“I think it’s getting kinda late,” Dugan said.  “I’m gonna call a cab.”

“Steve,” Becky said gently.  “You didn’t drive here did you?”

“Nah, I walked from Phillips’s.  Do you remember that?  Remember when you asked us to adopt?  God we were so happy.  Who would’ve known--”

“Let’s go--” Gabe said, trying to get off the subject.

“Is that why you won’t divorce me?  You still trying to punish me?” Steve asked, he wasn’t laughing anymore. He was getting angry.

"Steve--” Rebecca interjected.

“You still think it was my fault?” It was directed at Bucky. “ It wasn’t.  It wasn’t my fault.”

“No one thinks it was your fault,” Rebecca said, pity in her voice.  Steve didn’t want her pity.  He didn’t want anything to do with it.

“Bucky does.  He told me so.” Steve stood up, stumbling a bit.

Bucky stood up too, grabbing Steve’s arm steadying him.  “Let’s go. Someone’s gotta make sure you don’t get hit walkin’ home.”

“I’m sure you’d love that though, wouldn’t you, Bucky?  I bet you’ll walk me right into oncoming traffic,” Steve snapped as Bucky ushered him outside.

“Relax. If I wanted to do that, I could’ve a long time ago.”

“Bet you thought about it a lot.  I’ll never forget what you said.  The last thing you said before I left--”

"Steve--”

“It wasn’t my fault!  Fuck you!” Steve pulled his arm out of Bucky’s grip.  “It wasn’t my fucking fault!  I was there--”

“Shut up!  People are trying to sleep,” Bucky hissed at him.  “And I know, all right?  I know it wasn’t your fault--”

“You blamed me!  How could you blame me?  I was there, I held him when it happened. You weren’t even there, and you blamed me!”

“Steve, get out of the road!” Bucky snapped grabbing him again and leading him onto the sidewalk.  “I promise.  We’ll talk about it once you’re sober, but I don’t blame you okay.  It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not!  It’s not okay!  It wasn’t my fault!  I didn’t kill him!  You said I did, but I didn’t, Bucky!  I didn’t kill him!”  Steve tripped, hitting the ground.  “It wasn’t my fault!”

Bucky grimaced as he picked Steve up and threw him over his shoulder.  “This is the only way I’m gonna get you back home in one piece.”

“I didn’t kill him,” Steve whispered, not even sure that Bucky could hear him, but he wasn’t talking to Bucky. Not really.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Steve awoke the next morning to the banging of pots and pans.  He groaned.  His head was pounding.  This was arguably the worst hangover he’d ever had… well, since he’d left Brooklyn, anyway.  He rubbed his forehead as he cautiously opened his eyes.

“Rise and shine,” Chester said gruffly.

Steve groaned.  “How long was I out for?”

"It’s two in the afternoon, you do the math,” Chester barked back.

Steve rolled off the couch and headed over to the kitchen, desperately searching for some aspirin.

“Top left drawer,” Phillips said, not looking away from his skillet.  “Barnes dropped somethin’ off for you this morning.  I left it on the table for you.”

Steve opened the drawer and quickly opened the pill bottle, gulping two pills down in an instant.  He walked over to the table and picked up the large envelope.  The divorce papers.  Steve rolled his eyes.  He was certain they would be blank… again.  He skimmed through them and to his surprise they were signed.  Bucky had signed the papers.  It was really over.  He could just send this to the lawyer in California and the whole thing would be taken care of.

“I’m gonna shower and then head out to the bank,” Steve said, carefully placing the folder back down.

“What? Not hungry?  I thought you’d be famished after all the vomiting you did last night.” Phillips flipped the pancakes he was making.

Steve moaned.  “I hope I didn’t make a mess.”

He shrugged.  “Ask Barnes.  He was the one takin’ care of you the whole time.  Said you got pretty hammered.  Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Steve sighed.  “He didn’t have to do that.  He probably shouldn’t have after what a fool I made of myself last night.”

“Heard you talked about Joey.”

“He told you about that?” Steve asked quietly.

Phillips turned the burner off and walked over to Steve.  “He didn’t have to.  Heard you yellin’ about it.  There was nothin’ either of you could’ve done--”

“I know that,” Steve said honestly.  “Doesn’t make it any easier.”

“Don’t imagine it does,” Phillips said matching Steve’s quiet.  “He’s not the same as he was when you left, Steve.  You may wanna try and forgive him, if not for your own sanity than for his.”

“I was by myself.  When Joey-- I couldn’t even reach Bucky.  He was at the bar for Christ’s sake.  I had to do it all alone, and then he had the audacity to blame me,” Steve said rubbing his eyes.  “I couldn’t stay, I just couldn’t--”

“But you’re here now, and he’s here now.  The guy who stayed up with you while you got sick all night is not the same kid that you left behind.  I’m not sayin’ that you should get back together or anything.  I know that ship has sailed, but you two went through something words can’t describe.  It couldn’t hurt to have someone who understands.  To have someone to talk to.  Not many people can relate, Steve.”

Steve shook his head.  “I may have forgiven him for the things he said. One day I may even be able to forgive him for not showing up, but we can never be _friends_.  It’s too hard.  I couldn’t even be in the same bar as him without it all goin’ sour.  I’m not the same person either.” With that Steve headed into the bathroom for a quick shower, he wasn’t about to rehash everything with Phillips.

After the shower, Steve quickly slipped out of the house.  He wanted to return all of Bucky’s money before he scheduled his return to California.  Before he headed to the bank, he stopped off at the post office to send the papers to his lawyer.

The trip to the bank was relatively easy this time around, he knew the account number so he just had to deposit it all back into the other account..

He got back in his car and headed over to Bucky’s.  He just wanted to let him know that he had returned all his money, after that they’d have no obligations to each other.  Not at all.

He found a parking spot that was pretty close, and walked the rest of the way.  Steve pulled the old spare key out of his pocket, debating on using it.  He settled for knocking, it felt strange.  Would this be the last time he would ever be at the house?  

The door creaked open, Bucky stood there staring at him for a moment.  “I thought you’d be halfway across the country by now.  What do you want?  I signed your papers.  Did I miss an initial?”

“No, I just--I wanted to give you your key back and let you know that I put all the money back in the account.  You can close it out if you want.  I mean you probably should, we’re divorced so no reason for a joint account.” Steve put his hands in his pockets.

"Some of it’s yours,” Bucky said.  “A good amount of it came out of the settlement.”

“Settlement?”

“I sued the hospital. You’re obviously entitled to half.” Bucky said, relaxing against the doorframe.

Steve felt a pit begin to well in his stomach.  “You profited off of it?  Just when I think you can’t sink any lower--”

“I didn’t do it for the money,” Bucky spat.  “I did it because I wanted to make sure this didn’t happen to anyone else.  I only accepted the settlement because my lawyer said the case wouldn’t be strong enough if it went to court.  Doctors are mistaken all the time.”

“Sorry,” Steve said honestly.  “I get it.  I don’t think--I don’t want the money, you’re the one who sued, you should keep it.”

Bucky gave him a look.  “At the very least it could help pay for the wedding or college, you know if you guys ever decide to have…”  His voice trailed off.

Steve looked down, feeling his eyes begin to sting.  This was supposed to be easier.  “Yeah, maybe.  Doesn’t feel right though.”

"There’s a reason I haven’t spent any of it,” Bucky said in agreement.

“Thank you, by the way,” Steve said.  “For last night.”

Bucky shrugged.  “It was the least I could do.  You know that I don’t… that I never really… when I said those things… I was…”

“You were drunk,” Steve finished for him.  “I know.  Still hurt to hear, Buck.”

"I know,” Bucky said barely louder than a whisper.  “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Steve answered just as quietly.  “You may not have been the best husband, but I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy, the way I left.  You were still dealing with what happened, and then I left you too.  I could’ve done it better.  I _should’ve_ done it better.”

“We both should’ve done things differently,” Bucky said, moving his hair out of his face.

Steve nodded.  “Yeah.”

"Look before you leave, I’d like to show you somethin’, if you’re up to it?”

Steve frowned.  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.  I don’t think--we’re not-- things are still--”

"I get it,” Bucky said hastily.  “I know, it’s still weird.  Probably always will be.”

“Yeah,” Steve said again.  “Thanks for signing.  I know that you didn’t want to.  Not sure why, but I’m glad you did.”

Bucky get out a small laugh.  “Yeah, well, no one wants to say they’re divorced.  Separated sounds nicer.  Plus it felt like… like Joey wouldn’t… I was afraid that it’d be letting go of him too.”

Steve felt his heart drop, as tears threatened to escape his eyes.  He didn’t want to talk about this.  “I think he’d understand.  I-- We just-- he was-- he was the best part of our marriage.”  

“Yeah,” Bucky said.  “He really was.  You go visit him yet?”

Steve sniffed.  “Not yet, but I thought I’d stop by tomorrow.  Doesn’t feel right leaving before seeing him.  Do you go there a lot?”

“Not as much as I should,” Bucky admitted.  “I could go with you if you wanted--”

Steve shook his head.  “I think--I think I should go myself.  It’s been too long.”  Steve felt one tear escape as he turned from Bucky.  He didn’t need to see him cry.  “I’ll um--I’ll see you around, Buck.”

“You too,” Bucky called after him as Steve headed into the car.

Steve drove back to Chester’s house.  Locking himself in the car for a while.  He just needed to be by himself.  He hadn’t talked about Joey since it happened, and talking about him with Bucky was too much.

After about an hour he reentered the house, Chester didn’t appear to be home.  Steve laid down on the couch and just tried to nap again.  He didn’t want this.  He was ready to for it to be over now.  He’d been through enough, he just wanted things to be a little simpler.

When he woke up, it was to Phillips walking in the front door.

“How’d it go at the bank?”

Steve sat up with a yawn.  “Fine, I guess.  I gave all the money back.  How come you never told me he sued?”

“I don’t gotta tell you everything.”

"That would’ve been nice information to know.”

“Honestly, it slipped my mind,” Chester said, rolling his eyes.  “A lot’s happened since you left, kid.”

“Fair.”

“You know he went after you.”

“No he didn’t,” Steve laughed.  “I haven’t heard from him since I left.”

“He went and found you in California.  By then you were successful and happier, he said you looked good, relaxed.  He left, didn’t want to go after you until he could better himself.”

Steve’s brow furrowed.  “Why--why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“Would it have changed anything?  It shouldn’t.  You’re engaged to someone else, finding out your ex came lookin’ for you shouldn’t change that,” Phillips said matter-of-factly.

“It doesn’t,” Steve said quickly.  “I just--I might not have been so… aggressive with him if I’d known.”

Chester gave him a look that said he wasn’t buying what he was selling. Steve chose to ignore it.  

“I’m gonna schedule my flight back home,” Steve said, not wanting to argue anymore.  

"Already?  You just got here.”

Steve sighed.  “I’ll be back soon this time.  I promise.  I need to go back home, see my fiancee, get back to work.”

Chester didn’t look too convinced, but he didn’t fight it.  There really wasn’t a good argument to be made for Steve to stick around.  He had his divorce.  It was time to return to reality.

“You planning on heading to the cemetery?”

"Tomorrow,” Steve said.  “I’ll go tomorrow.  I think I’ve had enough shit for today.”

Phillips grunted.  “You just gonna put this off too--”

“I’m gonna go!  I don’t wanna do it today!  I’m still massively hung over, I just got a divorce, and Bucky and I hashed a lot out. I don’t need to go to the cemetery today.  I told you earlier, I may not want to go at all,” Steve huffed.

Chester’s lip curled down, leaving a disapproving look on his face.  It didn’t make sense.  Earlier in the week he was fine with Steve not going to the cemetery.  What had changed?

Steve rolled his eyes.  “We talked about Joey a lot, okay?  I don’t wanna go see him yet.  Makes it too real.”

“Fine.  I just think it’ll be good for you--”

“Why?  It’s not like he’s there.  Not really.”

Chester didn’t answer, or give him a disapproving look.  The look he got was much more… full of pity.  It didn’t help.  Steve was doing well.  Sure, things still hurt and it was hard, but he didn’t need pity.  He wished people would stop looking at him like that.

“What?  It’s true.  The only thing there is a corpse and a headstone.  It’s the same reason I don’t wanna go see my parents there either.  It’s not like it’s really them.”

“It still couldn’t hurt to pay your respects,” Chester said with a much softer tone than before.

Steve sighed.  “I said I’ll go tomorrow.”

Phillips didn’t argue, but Steve could _feel_ the look he was giving him boring a hole into his skull.  He didn’t have to explain himself.  He wasn’t doing anything wrong in this situation.

The rest of the day passed in an uneventful haze.  He spent most of it helping Chester with mundane tasks around the house that he just couldn’t do by himself. That made Steve feel guiltier than he’d ever admit.  Chester struggling to maintain the house, with no one there to really help him, reminded Steve that he had left more behind than he thought.

The next day was harder.  He kept putting off the trip to the graveyard.  He wished he hadn’t committed himself to going at all.  As the day went on, he kept getting looks from Chester, who luckily hadn’t verbalized any of what he was thinking.

Finally after hours of avoiding it, Steve got dressed up a little too formally, but it felt necessary.  He got in the car and headed over to the cemetery.  He parked about a block away and stayed in the car for a while.  He had no desire to go in there, but he’d promised, and he couldn’t fight this nagging feeling that he should go.

After about an hour, Steve got out of the car.  He slowly made his way into the cemetery.  It was strange.  He hadn’t been there since… since the funeral.  He stopped by his parents’ graves first.  They were buried together, and it felt fitting that they shared a final resting place.  He spent most of his time there thinking about his mother.  His father had passed away when he was an infant.  He would visit here with his ma all the time, but he never really felt much of a connection with his late father.  His mom was different.  He lost her when he was fifteen, and it was Earth shattering.  She was his family, his only family, and she was gone in an instant.  Steve thought he’d never experience anything worse… and then Joey… .

He said a quick prayer for his parents, and then he walked over to where Joey was buried.  It took him a little while to find.  He had only been there once.  When Steve found it, he felt like he had been gutted.  He’d never seen the headstone before.  It read _Joseph Barnes-Rogers.  Beloved Son.  2006-2008._  

Steve stared at it for a long time.  That was it.  That was the worst pain he’d ever felt.  He could practically see it all over again, holding his little boy as the infection took him away forever.

“Hey,” Steve said quietly as he placed his hand to his lips kissing it, before touching the tomb stone.  “I know I haven’t been here in awhile, and I’m so sorry, baby.  I tried.  I really did.  The doctors said it was just the croup.  They said that I was being paranoid.  They were wrong.  I should’ve fought harder, baby, I didn’t know.  If I had known, I would’ve taken you to another hospital.  I wouldn’t have just taken you home.”  

Steve felt the tears begin to well in his eyes, he knew it would come eventually.  “I’m sorry I haven’t come since we buried you.  It was too hard.  I bet your dad comes and sees you all the time.  He was always stronger than me.  The best thing we ever did was adopt you from your Aunt Becky.  God, baby, we loved you so much.  I still think about you everyday.  I save kids now, or well I _try_ to save kids now.  It’s kinda silly, but I keep hoping I’ll find you along the way.  It’s easier than thinking about you being here.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve repeated himself.  “I’m so so sorry, Joey.  I should’ve fought harder.  I shouldn’t have just taken their word for it.  I _knew_ it was worse than they were letting on, and I didn’t fight.  I’m sorry.”

He heard someone clear their throat behind him.  Steve quickly wiped his eyes and turned, sniffing.  Bucky.

“Sorry, I thought you were gonna be here earlier in the day--I didn’t.  I can leave you if you want--”

“No,” Steve said quickly.  “I want you to stay.  I mean, if you want to.”

Bucky nodded, standing there awkwardly. “Yeah, okay.”

"I’m sorry, Bucky.  You were right.  I killed him.  I killed our baby.”

Bucky shook his head.  “No, you didn’t.   _Pneumonia_ killed our baby, you tried to keep him alive as long as you could.  The doctors were wrong.  It happens.”

The tears were flowing freely again, and Steve didn’t bother to try and stop them.  “I’m so sorry.  I killed him.”  He could still hear Bucky’s voice from all those years ago echoing inside his head ‘ _You killed our baby!”_

“No, you didn’t,” Bucky repeated.  “I was angry, and drunk, and you were there.  I needed someone to blame and you were there.  You were there when I wasn’t, so I took it out on you because it was easier than feeling guilty for not comin’ when you called me.  I’m sorry.  You did nothing wrong, Stevie.”

Steve choked out a sob.  “I should’ve fought the doctors harder, Bucky.  I should’ve taken him somewhere else--”

“We didn’t know any better,” Bucky cut him off.  “Do you hear me?  We were young, new parents, we didn’t know.  We trusted the doctors’ word, and they were wrong.  And you were all alone.  I couldn’t be bothered, and you did it all by yourself.”

“I miss him so much,” Steve confessed.  “I think about him every day.”

“I know,” Bucky said as he pulled Steve into him, rubbing soothing circles on his back.  “I do too.”

Bucky held him like that for awhile as Steve sobbed into his chest.  Whoever said time heals all wounds was a fucking liar.  It had been nine years and Joey’s death still felt as fresh as the day he lost him.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Bucky said quietly.  “I should’ve been there.”

 “You’re here now,” Steve whispered into Bucky’s shoulder.

“You probably could’ve used this when it first happened.”

“Still hurts the same,” Steve confessed.  He backed up a bit, still clutching on to Bucky but far enough so that he could look at him.  

Their foreheads met, and Steve looked into his eyes.  He _had_ missed him, more than he cared to admit.  Their lips met, briefly at first, almost like a mistake, like they had accidentally brushed.  It didn’t stay like that.  Their lips met again, longer this time, but still chaste.  It wasn’t long before Bucky was kissing him deeply, and Steve was melting into him.  It was strange, kissing him, as if they’d never kissed before, and yet he was still crying, both happy and sad at the same time.

After a few moments, Steve pulled away.   _Tony._ Steve was engaged to Tony.  “I’m sorry, I’m--”

“I know,” Bucky said as he let got of him.  “I know.”

Steve wiped his face.  “I have to go--”

“Steve--”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said as he hurried away.  He wasn’t in love with Bucky anymore, he loved Tony.  Steve repeated this over and over in his head.  He was just confused, and emotional that was all it was… wasn’t it?  It didn’t matter.  He and Bucky were divorced.  He was engaged to Tony.  Those were the facts.  That was what mattered.

He got into the car--the car that Tony rented for him, and drove back to Chester’s.  That was never going to happen again.  Not ever.

He arrived at Chester’s house and got out of the car.  Once inside he began to make sure that all of his belongings were safely in the duffle bag.

“How’d it go?” Chester asked from the couch.

“Fine,” Steve lied.  “Like I said, it was pointless.  They’re not really there.”

“What time's your flight tomorrow?” Chester asked and Steve was glad that he wasn’t pushing the issue.

“Not until 10pm.” Steve tossed the bag by the door.

Chester nodded.  “Your fiancee know?  Someone’s gonna have to get you from the airport.”

“He knows,” Steve said, a pang of guilt hitting him as he thought about Tony.  “I texted him last night after I booked it.”

Chester just nodded again, not saying anything.

“I’ll be back soon,” Steve said.  “I promise.  Tony wants to meet you.”

“It’d be nice to meet him too,” Phillips said.  “Make sure he’s good for you.”

Steve huffed.  “He’s better for me than Bucky was--”

“Barnes didn’t start out that way and you know it.  Life got hard, Steve,” Phillips said, not looking away from his newspaper.  

Steve rolled his eyes.  “Just stop.  It’s over with me and Bucky.  I may have loved him once but that’s over.  That ship’s sailed.  I’m happy and in love with someone else.  Why is it so hard for you to be happy for me?”

“Because I’m worried you’re making a mistake.”  Phillips closed the paper furiously.  “I don’t want you to wake up one morning and realize you married the wrong guy--”

“You don’t even know him!”  Steve snapped.  “He’s kind, and caring and--”

“And you didn’t trust him enough to tell him anything about your past!  It’s not personal.  I’m sure he’s a great guy, but how can you marry someone if you won’t tell him about your life here?”

“Has it occurred to you that it has _nothing_ to do with _Tony,_ and everything to do with _me._  I didn’t want to talk about Joey, if I talked about Joey then I had to talk about Bucky.  Bucky, who at that time, refused to divorce me.  How exactly was that conversation supposed to go over?” Steve spat angrily.

Phillips crossed his arms.  “When you’re gonna marry someone, there shouldn’t be any secrets.”

“I’m gonna tell him,” Steve insisted.  “I just wanted to wait until the divorce was taken care of.  I’ll tell him once I get home.  I don’t want to keep Joey a secret, it was just so hard to talk about him.”

“What changed?” Chester asked.

“Nothing,” Steve said honestly.  “I just… I stopped feeling guilty about it.”

Phillips crossed his arms.  “Good.  There was nothin’ you could’ve done.”

“I know,” Steve answered.  “I mean I’ve always known, but it finally _feels_ like I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Chester made a face.  “Sounds like a good start to me.  I just want you to be happy, kid, and I’m worried that you’re settling.”

Steve laughed.  That was probably the first and only time someone would accuse anyone of ‘settling’ for Tony Stark.  It was comical hearing the words leave Chester’s mouth.  “He’s good to me, and he loves me--”

“That’s all very well and good,” Chester said standing up.  “But do _you_ love him?”

“Of course I love him,” Steve said honestly, there was never any doubt that he loved Tony.

“More than you love Barnes?”

“Who says I still love Bucky?” Steve asked making a face, but not denying it either.

“You don’t fight with someone like that unless you love ‘em,” Phillips said matter-of-factly.  “At the very least, you don’t keep asking for the trouble the way you do if you don’t love him.”

Steve shrugged.  “I’ll always care about Bucky.  That doesn’t mean I’m still in love with him.  He was my first… _everything_ , and he was Joey’s dad.  I can’t hate him, he may not have been a good husband but he loved Joey.”

Chester gave him a look.  “You didn’t answer my question, kid.  Do you love Stark more than you love Barnes?”

“I love him differently,” Steve confessed quietly.  “Not more or less… differently.”

“That sounds a lot different than not lovin’ Barnes at all,” Phillips said, trying to hide a smirk.

Steve sighed.  “Part of me will always love Bucky, but that doesn’t mean we’re good together.  Tony and I-- god I feel so lucky when I’m with him.”

Chester nodded.  “I just want you to be sure.”

“I am,” Steve said, trying to sound confident.  He was sure… before this evening.  “Look, I’m gonna try and turn in for the night.  It was a long day…”

“Say no more. I’ll get out of your hair,” Phillips said as he rolled up his newspaper and headed into his bedroom.

Steve groaned as he had plopped down on the couch.  Why was this so complicated?  Everything fit so perfectly in California, but now here… this all worked too.  How was it that his two vastly different lives both worked so well for him.  He couldn’t have both, no one could, and yet the decision was being made harder and harder.  

It wasn’t long before he drifted into a deep sleep.  The day had been emotionally exhausting and draining.  He had visited his son’s grave and tongued his ex-husband in the same day--at the same place, he really needed to get his head on straight.


	5. Chapter 5

Phillips made him pancakes the next morning, noting how it was the last morning they’d eat under the same roof.  Steve wasn’t too sure about that, sure he was leaving, but it was different this time.  He intended to come back, it wasn’t as terrifying an idea as it once was, returning to this small part of Brooklyn.

Around noon there was a knock on the door.  Chester smirked.  “I think that’s for you.”

Steve raised an eyebrow, but got up from the sofa and opened the door.  Peggy Carter stood in front of him, her arms crossed.  “You didn’t think you were getting away without a proper send off this time?”

Steve’s mouth opened a bit as his head drooped back.  “What did you do?”

She rolled her eyes and tugged him out of the house.  “Just trust me.  There are a lot of people who would like to see you off.”

They walked for about fifteen minutes before they were in front of, what Steve assumed was, Peggy’s place.  They opened the door and Steve was overwhelmed.  There was a banner that read ‘So Long’ and all of his old friends were there including Falsworth, Dernier and Morita.  It was nice to see everyone all in one place.

Rebecca was the first one to hug him, tightly.  “Look before you leave… James stored most of the photo albums at my place.  If you want any of the pictures of Joey--”

“That’s okay,” Steve said, not wanting to think about that.  “I’ve got the baby book.”

Luckily, no one else mentioned his son while he was there, at least not to him.  It was a small blessing as he walked around the party chatting it up with old friends.

After about two hours into it, the doorbell rang.

Peggy made a face as Steve could see her counting people with her eyes.  “I wonder who that is.”

She opened the door and there stood Bucky… and Tony.  Steve’s heart fell.  What were they doing here?  Why were they together?

Steve raced over to them, desperate to keep them from talking.  Tony was scanning the crowd.  He must’ve spotted Steve, because his face lit up as Steve reached them.  

“Surprise!”  Tony kissed him sweetly.  “I know you said you wanted us to visit, so I thought I’d surprise you!”

Steve wasn’t listening.  He was scanning Bucky’s face for some sort of a reaction.  His face was stoic, his arms crossed.  “Bucky--”

"So you haven’t told him anything?” Bucky sneered.

Tony turned and gave him a look.  He turned back to Steve.  “What is he talking about?”

Steve ignored him.  “Bucky, it’s not like that--”

“Steve, what’s he talking about?” Tony reiterated.

“He’s got no clue who I am!  I bet you haven’t even told him about--”

“Bucky, it’s not--”

“Steve, what’s going on?” Tony asked again.

Steve looked at him, trying to find the words.

“Who is this?” Tony asked, trying to make some sense of the situation.

Steve sighed as he looked between both of them.  “He’s my husband--”

“What?”

“My _ex_ -husband,” Steve clarified.

Tony’s face fell, and it broke Steve’s heart.  Bucky’s face was distorted, clearly hurt, and that made Steve feel even more guilty.

“You were married?”  Tony asked, face scrunched.

“Guilty,” Bucky said; a tone of bitterness in his voice.

Steve desperately looked between the two of them.  “Tony--Bucky-- I--”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony asked, voice full of hurt.

“Don’t take it personally,” Bucky said, crossing his arms.  “He didn’t tell me about you right away either.”

"Stop,” Steve said to Bucky.  “It wasn’t like that!”  He glanced around the party, that was now just a room filled with people watching them.  “Can we do this somewhere else please?”

“Don’t bother.”  Bucky rolled his eyes.  “I’m leaving anyway.  Have a great life, you two.”

“Bucky--”  Steve began, but he was already out the door.  He turned to Tony, there was anguish written all over his face.  “Tony--”

“You were married?” Tony repeated.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Steve took Tony’s arm and guided him outside of the apartment.  “Tony, I was gonna tell you--”

"When?” He crossed his arms.  “We’ve been together ten months, Steve! You didn’t tell me then, so when were you going to?”

“Tomorrow,” Steve answered.  “I was gonna tell you tomorrow.  I came down here to settle everything.  He wouldn’t sign the papers, so I had to come down here and make him!”

“Steve… this is a lot to take in.”

“I know,” Steve said honestly.

“Is there anything else you haven’t told me?”

 _Joey_.  Steve took a deep breath.  “Yes.  But I can’t do this here. It’s important and--”

Oh my god, there’s _more_?”

Steve sighed.  Of course there was more.  He wasn’t hiding Bucky, he was hiding Joey.  “Yes, but it’s complicated--”

“More complicated than you having a secret husband?” Tony asked as he threw his arms out in desperation.

“If you would just let me explain--”

“Save it.”  Tony shook his head.  “I’ll have my stuff out of your place by the weekend.”

Steve’s heart fell.  “Tony--”

“Take care of yourself, Steve.”

Steve watched him walk away, trying to think of something… anything he could say that would make him stay.  Nothing came to mind.  Tony was right.  Steve had really fucked everything up.

He walked home to Chester’s, slowly making his way there.  This couldn’t be happening.  He had taken care of _everything_ , and it had all blown up in his face.  He had never wanted to hurt either of them.  Steve wasn’t able to tell Tony about Joey, he couldn’t _talk about Joey_.  It had nothing to do with Tony.  It had nothing to do with Bucky.  He wasn’t embarrassed of him, but there was no talking about Bucky without talking about Joey.

When he entered into the house, he saw Phillips tidying up the place.  “Hey, I’m gonna head out.  Your fiancee stopped by, Barnes was here, he was supposed to deliver him to you--”

Steve didn’t answer, not verbally anyway.  The tears were flowing freely, he had lost _both of them_ in one moment.

“What--”

“It’s all over,” Steve choked out. “Bucky--Tony--”

Chester gave him a sympathetic look.  “All right, kid.”  He patted him on the back firmly.  “It’s okay.  I know it sucks now, but it’ll all work out in the end.”

Steve shook his head.  How could it be fine?  He hurt two people in one shot.  Two people who he loved and cared about.  It didn’t seem like there was any way for this to work itself out.

“I just couldn’t talk about Joey,” Steve hiccupped.  “Is that so horrible?  That I couldn’t talk about him?  It hurt too much, but I was gonna tell him.  He wouldn’t let me explain and--”

Chester shushed him.  “Listen to me, you made a mistake.  One mistake.  Was it a big one?  Yeah, I’m not gonna lie to you about that, kid, but it wasn’t unforgivable.  It wasn’t somethin’ you did maliciously.  If he doesn’t understand that, then he’s not worth you.”

“Are you talking about Bucky or Tony--”

“Both of ‘em.” Phillips said sternly.  “Look, I may have known Barnes since he was a little snot running around town, but he’s no saint either.  I know he put you through the ringer.  He’s got some nerve givin’ you a hard time about all this.  I may not know that Stark fella’ but I know that if he won’t take the time to hear you out, then he’s not worth shit either.  Steve, you are a good person.  A good person who’s gone through a lot of bad.  You’re allowed to have secrets.  Do you know everything about Stark or Barnes?  The answer is probably no.  Sure, maybe their secrets are smaller, but you came down here to take care of it.  You went out of your way to deal with all this so that you could come clean.  If Stark doesn’t see that, then he ain’t worth it.  And if Barnes can’t give you a pass, then he’s just as no good as he was when you first left.”

That was probably the nicest thing Chester had ever said to him.  Phillips wasn’t one for pep talks.  When Steve’s ma passed, the most sympathy he got out of the man was ‘Be glad she’s not suffering anymore,’ and then it was never discussed again.  Joey’s death had been different.  Phillips hadn’t said anything when the young boy passed, just pinched the bridge of his nose and sat down, avoiding eye contact.  Hearing him say this… it was never something he thought he’d hear from his mentor.

Steve stared at him for a moment.  Not sure of what to say.  What was he supposed to say in this situation?

Fortunately, he didn’t have to say a word because Chester moved on for him.  “Now, are you gonna help me put these boxes in storage or what?”

Steve blinked at him for a moment before picking up one of the boxes, and heading into the cellar.  They did that for hours, without speaking.  Chester would point to one box and Steve would place it in the storage cellar.  He hadn’t realized just how many things Phillips needed to put away.

Once Steve had finished putting the last box away, there was a soft knock at the front door.  “I got it,” Steve called out to Chester who was making dinner at the moment.

Steve opened the door and there stood Peggy and Tony!

“I think I found something that belongs to you,” Peggy said as she let herself inside the house.

“Hey,” Tony said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Can we talk?”

“Yeah,” Steve said enthusiastically.  “I’d love that.”

They stepped outside, and stared at each other awkwardly for a while.

“I--”

“So--”

They started at the same time.

"You first,” Steve said, sitting down on the stoop.

“Steve, I’m--I’m sorry for how I reacted.  It just caught me off guard.  I think I was entitled to be a little bit taken aback.”  Tony said, rubbing his forehead.

Steve sighed.  “I didn’t tell you because of the reason I ended it with Bucky.  Bucky and I… we had a son--”

“Oh my god, you have a kid--”

"Tony, please.  This is hard for me, I need to you let me talk,” Steve said honestly.

Tony nodded, crossing his arms.  “Sorry. I’m all ears.”

“He died, Tony.  My son died, and Bucky wasn’t there for me, emotionally or physically, so I left him.  I ran away to California and started my life there.  Then I met you and… you made everything feel… better.  I was gonna tell you.  I just wanted to make sure he signed the divorce papers first.  I thought it’d be easier to talk about once it was all taken care of.  I’m sorry.”  Steve put his head in his hands not wanting to look at his fiancee--or was it ex-fiancee now?

Tony nudged his leg, and Steve moved over so that he could sit next to him.  “I’m sorry about your son.”

“Thank you,” Steve said quietly.

“How did he--”

“Pneumonia.  The doctors missed it,” Steve said, barely louder than a whisper.

Tony let out a deep breath.  “Look, I’m upset.  Not that you were married, or that you had a secret baby.  I’m upset that you didn’t think you could come to me with any of this.  Your past is your past, but your future… that’s my privilege.  That is if you still want to marry me.”

Steve leaned against Tony affectionately.  “Of course I still want to marry you.”

“No more secrets?” Tony asked, and Steve could hear the anxiousness in his voice.

“No more secrets,” Steve promised.  “What about you?  Any deep dark secrets to you wanna share?”

Tony let out a relaxed laugh.  “Babe, the tabloids make sure I can’t have any of those.”

Steve sighed.  “Yeah, makes sense.”

“Does this mean…” Tony paused, and Steve could practically see the wheels turning in his head.  “Do you _not_ want to have kids?”

Steve shrugged.  “No, I mean, eventually I’d like some.  Just not right away.  Maybe we could adopt older kids too… you know with…” His voice trailed off, not sure of how to explain himself.

"You mean with more developed immune systems?” Tony suggested.

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, I guess.”

“Okay,” Tony agreed.  “I mean we can discuss it in more detail later, but if you want to adopt older kids we can do that.  If you want a baby… we can do that too.  It’s a different situation, babe.  If our kids have the sniffles we’ll be able to have the best physicians in the country running tests.”

“I know,” Steve said honestly.  “I’m just worried.  Not that they’ll die like him… more like I won’t be able to… I’m worried that they’ll never… I don’t want to feel like I’m replacing him, either.  It wouldn’t be fair to him or our… other child.”

“I can understand that,” Tony said, taking Steve’s hand in his own.  “I just wish you would’ve felt comfortable enough to tell me.”

Steve rested his head on Tony’s shoulder.  “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you, or that I didn’t trust you.  I just… talking about it… it’s hard for me.  I didn’t want you to look at me differently--”

“Am I looking at you differently?” Tony asked turning to face him.

Steve straightened up.  No.  Tony looked at him the same way he always had.  “No, you’re not.”

“I love _you_ ,” Tony said relaxing again.  “I don’t care that you were married before.  I’ve had some terrible exes, just pick up _The Inquirer_.  I’m sorry about your son, but I know all the hard work you’ve done.  I know you’ve never let that stop you.  This doesn’t change that.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Steve said.

“It’s okay,” Tony said.  “Just… promise me you won’t keep anything else from me?”

“I promise,” Steve said as Tony pecked the top of his head.

"If it’s okay with you,” Tony said, rubbing Steve’s hand with his thumb.  “I’d like to pay my respects to your parents and your son.”

Steve pulled his hand out of Tony’s as nausea hit him like a truck.  “I don’t wanna go back there yet, Tony.  It’s not that I don’t want you to see him, it’s just that I was just there and it’s so _hard_ to face it.”

“When you’re up to it then,” Tony said, standing up.  “Are you gonna introduce me to your friends?”

Steve glanced over his shoulder,  Peggy and Chester were not so subtly watching them from the window.  He stood up.  “Yeah.”

“Any advice before we head in there?” Tony asked as he straightened his tie.

Steve chuckled as he met Tony’s lips sweetly.  “Just be yourself.  Phillips is a little gruff so… don’t take it personally.”

Tony shrugged.  “Can’t be any worse than my old man.”

Steve led him back into the house. It was strange seeing Tony there… like he didn’t quite fit in with the small compact apartment.

"Tony, this is Peggy. She’s one of my best friends, but I guess you two have already met.” Steve motioned to her and Tony shook her hand politely.  

“And this… is Chester Phillips.  He took me in after my ma passed away,” Steve said nervously.

“It’s an honor to meet you,” Tony said, shaking Chester’s hand firmly.

“Likewise,” Chester said unconvincingly.

Steve gave him a look, but didn’t say anything.

“Is this wedding still on?” Chester asked bluntly.

Steve laughed.  He had to.  It was so Chester.  “Yes, sir.  We’re still getting married.”

“That mean I gotta book a flight to L.A?”

Tony shrugged.  “We haven’t exactly set a venue yet. We could get married here, if Steve wanted.”

Steve paused, unsure.  He had just assumed they’d get married in California.  He hadn’t even considered having the wedding in Brooklyn.  “Yeah, maybe.  We haven’t discussed it yet, but I guess I would like that.”  It could be close to Joey.

“Besides, I bet my father would love to know we planned everything without him.  We can look at venues while we’re here and plan some stuff,” Tony suggested.

Steve smiled at that.  “Yeah… yeah.  I’d like that.”

Tony grinned.

“Not that I’m not glad that you two are staying longer,” Chester interrupted.  “But… I mean… there’s limited space here and… you’re welcome to my room--”

“No,” Steve and Tony said in unison.

“I booked myself a room over at the Marriott by the Bridge.  Steve’s more than welcome to join me, but if he’d rather stay here that’s fine too.”  Tony put his hands in his pocket.

Steve smiled at that.  The thought of a good night’s sleep on an actual bed was appealing.  “That sounds great,” Steve said enthusiastically.  It would also give him and Tony some much needed alone time, as they never really got to celebrate their engagement.

Chester’s face fell a bit at that, but he didn’t say anything.

“We’ll make sure we come by for breakfast,” Steve said, using every ounce of willpower not to drag Tony out the door and to the hotel room.  “We’ve just… we still got a lot of talkin’ to do.”

Tony snorted, clearly having the same idea that Steve was.  “Yeah,” He cleared his throat.  “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.  And planning--”

“ _So much planning_ ,” Steve emphasized.  

Chester gave him a look.  “Nice to see your lying hasn’t improved since you were last here.  Go.  Have fun.  I’m sure I’ll see you later.”

Steve practically bolted out the door.  Tony trailing after him.  The second they were out the door, Steve threw his arms around Tony’s neck and kissed him deeply.  This was where he belonged.  In Tony’s arms.  How could he have doubted it?  But why did he keep thinking about Bucky at the cemetery?  The way they had kissed with such feeling and passion in such a natural way… He tried to shake the thought out of his mind.  He was with Tony now.  Bucky hadn’t even cared enough to hear him out.  Why wasn’t he happier?  Why did he still feel guilty?

“Let’s take this somewhere more private,” Tony whispered in his ear.

Steve laughed as he pulled away.  “Yeah… sounds good.  When do you wanna get married?”

“Pardon?”

“I know we just got engaged, but I don’t wanna wait,” Steve said, intertwining his fingers with Tony’s.

Tony laughed.  “Okay, yeah.  We can get married soon, if that’s what you want.”

Steve nodded.  He wanted to get married.  He wanted to leave this place and never come back.  He wanted Tony to just take him away.

Tony took his hand and led him to the car.  “When do you wanna head home?  We can stay here as long as you want, but I imagine you’ve gotta get back to work soon.”

Steve groaned.  “I didn’t think about that.  Fury is gonna have my head if I’m gone much longer.”

Tony shrugged.  “It’s up to you, babe.  I’ll stay as long as you like.”

“ _God_ I love you,” Steve said as Tony drove them to the hotel.  It was comical watching Tony try to navigate the city, it was clear that he was from out of town.  Steve couldn’t even look out the windshield without grimacing in fear.  The fact that they made it to the hotel in one piece was a miracle.  

They entered the gorgeous hotel room, and Steve was just relieved to see a bed he could crash on.  He plopped down on the king size bed and stretched out.  He let out a deep breath-- this put Chester’s couch to shame.

Tony laughed as he began undoing his tie.  “Comfortable?”

"You have no idea,” Steve said as he sat up so he could get a better look at his fiancee.  “I’ve been crashing on a sofa this whole trip.”

Tony gave him a look.  “Why didn’t you book a room?  I would’ve paid for it.”

Steve snorted.  “Chester would’ve given me hell if I didn’t stay the night there.  Plus it was nice to be home… just not overly comfortable.”

Tony grinned as he crouched over Steve.  “Maybe I can think of some way to make you feel even more comfortable?”

Steve smirked as he met Tony’s lips with his own.  It had felt like an _eternity_ since they had last been together like this.  He wrapped his arms around Tony’s neck, pulling him closer.  Tony’s hands drifting down towards his waist.  His touch was much gentler than Bucky’s had ever been, but Bucky had never worried about Steve being fragile.  He tried to shake the thought from his head. He was with Tony, not Bucky, Tony.

Tony began peeling off Steve’s clothes piece by piece, Steve poorly attempting to do the same to Tony, but his angle made it much more difficult.

“Wait,” Steve gasped, removing his lips from Tony.  “Do you… I mean we should take precautions.”

Tony laughed at that.  “Yeah.  Yeah I’ve got some.  I originally thought our reunion would have been much more… pleasant so I’ve got condoms.”

Steve nodded, and felt himself relax.  Tony’s mouth was back on Steve’s.  This was better--being with Tony in this gorgeous hotel room.  Way better than what it used to be like with Bucky.  Right?


	6. chapter 6

Steve woke up to Tony’s voice.  He wasn’t talking to Steve, though.  His eyes cracked open.  He could see Tony pacing back and forth on the phone.  He was clearly trying to keep his voice quiet enough not to disturb Steve, but he could still make out most of what he was saying.

“Yes, I’m sure… that’s right.  Brooklyn.  No, not Manhattan, Father.  I think I’d know the difference,” Tony hissed into the phone.

Steve sat up, the covers sliding down onto his waist.  Tony gave him a sad smile as he motioned to the phone.  Steve nodded.  It couldn’t have been easy.  Howard was always so hard on Tony.  Chester may not have been a walk in the park, but he never made Steve feel like he was less than worthy of anything.  He just made him work for everything.  Howard was different.  Nothing Tony did was ever enough in the eyes of his father, and he was sure that their impending nuptials were only adding tension to the issue.

“Yes,” Tony said into the cell.  “We decided-- Dad--New York isn’t--this isn’t your decision.  If--Relax-- I’m aware--”

Steve sighed as he grabbed his pants that were discarded on the floor and pulled them on.  He walked over to Tony and took the phone from his hand, and hung up.  “Tell him you don’t have service.”

Tony smirked as he kissed Steve’s lips playfully.  “Usually, I’d agree but--”

Steve pouted.  “No buts, we’re supposed to be celebrating!  Happy!  Whenever you talk to your dad you get in a mood, and I want us to keep celebrating.”

Tony nipped at Steve’s lips before tossing the phone onto the bed.  “Did you enjoy your sleep?”

Steve shrugged.  “I liked the _before_ a lot better than the sleeping.”

Tony laughed.  “You wanna look at venues today or we could always stay in.”

Steve blinked.  “Is it morning?”

“Yeah, you really dozed off and I didn’t want to wake you.”

Steve groaned.  “We have to go see Chester at some point today.  He’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

“Let’s bring him,” Tony suggested.  “I’m sure he’d have some good input.”

Steve sighed, crossing his arms.  “While I appreciate the effort you’re making, I’d much rather waste the day away in here… with you.”

“We’ll have time for that later,” Tony said, pecking Steve’s lips again.  “For now we should probably shower and get a head start checking everything out.”

Steve opened his mouth to protest.

Tony silenced him with another kiss.  “You were the one who insisted we get married as soon as possible.  Unless you’ve changed your mind--”

“No,” Steve cut him off.  “Of course I haven’t.  Let’s go look at these venues.”  He tugged Tony’s hand and led him into the bathroom.  “But first, let’s get a move on that shower you mentioned earlier.”

The afternoon was spent at one wedding venue after another.  Luckily, choosing an early date didn’t cause as much of an issue as Steve had anticipated.  Every place wanted to host Tony Stark’s wedding.  Besides, money was no issue.  Each venue must’ve known that with Tony came the most expensive wedding package they had to offer--no matter how much Steve tried to protest.  Inevitably, they decided on the Dumbo Loft.  It had an unmatched view of Manhattan, and once Tony set eyes on it there was no talking him out of it.  It was strange.  His last wedding had been at city hall, with a quick reception down at _Rookies_.  Somehow he missed the simplicity of it.

For dinner they ate with Chester.  Chester who didn’t look impressed.  Steve almost felt _guilty_ the entire time they were at dinner.  Only Chester could make him feel so small because he was making a decision that he didn’t completely agree with.

“We booked a venue this afternoon,” Tony said, trying to create conversation.

“Yeah?” Chester raised an eyebrow.  “Awfully quick don’t you think?”

“Steve insisted,” Tony said honestly.  “What Steve wants, he gets.”

Chester gave Steve a look that said ‘are you kidding me’ but he didn’t verbally say a word.  He just went back to eating.

“It’s over in Dumbo,” Steve said, getting annoyed.

“Fancy,” Chester said dryly.  “Never thought you cared too much for flare.”

Steve shook his head, trying to remain as respectful as possible.  “I’m getting _married_.  It typically calls for a little ‘flare.’  I thought you’d appreciate it.  You always said you like that area--”

“Before it got all touristy.”

Steve sighed, shaking his head.  “Is there something wrong, sir?”

“Not on my end, kid,” Chester said.  He turned to Tony.  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but all this… it doesn’t sound like my kid.  He’s not the kind of person who wants a larger than life… life.  The kid I raised is happy with a small ceremony down by city hall and then going out for dinner after.  It just… it doesn’t sound like him.  It sounds an awful lot like you’re callin’ all the shots.”

“That’s--I’m happy,” Steve said, not sure what else to say.  “You and I both know that this,” he motioned in between Phillips and Tony, “has nothing to do with where I’m getting married.  I know Bucky was the golden boy around here, but he and I are divorced.  I’m engaged to someone else and I’m _happy_.  Do you know how long it’s been since I can say that?”

Tony cleared his throat.  “Listen, I can’t speak for Steve--”

“Then don’t,” Phillips cut him off, holding his hand up to Tony.  He turned back to Steve.  “You’re the one who brought Barnes into this, not me.  All this… it’s not you… not really.”

“I’m not the same person who left nine years ago,” Steve said honestly.  “I know it’s on me that you didn’t get to see that, but this is what I want.  This is _who_ I want.  We’d love for you to be apart of it, really we would, but you’ve gotta meet me halfway here.”

Tony cleared his throat.  “As someone who’s had his fair share of conversations like this, I think I can offer some input.”  He turned to Chester.  “You don’t know me, it’s likely you’ll never _really_ know me either.  I’m just some guy who’s marrying your kid.  No--no.  I’m some guy that _hurt_ your kid.  I didn’t make a good first impression--”

“That wasn’t your fault--” Steve tried to interject.

“It’s okay,” Tony said.  “You’ve put up with worse from my father.”  He continued.  “Your first impression of me was a fight with your kid.  I don’t know much about Steve’s ex, but I imagine your first impression of him was much different.  Here’s what I do know.  I know that I love Steve, love him enough to overlook the deception and the lies, which were pretty significant by the way, and I came back--”

Chester scoffed.  “So that makes you a good guy?  The entire world knows you two are engaged, I’m sure it’d be quite the scandal back home if you two called off the engagement after less than a week.”

“Believe me, I’ve dealt with _much_ worse scandals than that,” Tony said honestly.  “The fact is we’re getting married.  It was a decision we both made.”

“It’s not changing,” Steve said, crossing his arms.  “You can be a hardass about this, go ahead.  But if we have another falling out, it won’t be my fault this time.  That’ll be on you.  You wanted to be a part of my life, well Tony’s who I’m choosing to share it with.  You’ve gotta get on board with that.”

Chester pursed his lips.  He didn’t say anything.  The tension was practically ringing in Steve’s ears, and he felt his heart begin to pace.  He didn’t want things to be like this.  He wanted them to all get along, but Tony was going to be his husband.  He chose Tony.  Chester needed to accept that.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Chester turned towards Tony.  “Fine.  But if you hurt my kid, no number of private security can save you.”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “I’m the one who hurt him.”

“This time,” Chester said, clearly unconvinced.

Tony nodded. “Understood.  I’d never hurt him.”  It was true.  Somehow Steve knew it was true.  If anything, he was gonna be the one to hurt Tony in the end.  Tony was too good for him, it was obvious, and yet he kept choosing Steve.

“We should go,” Steve said abruptly.

“Babe, you sure?” Tony asked concern on his face.

Steve nodded.  “We should pack, we’ve gotta go back home.”

Tony nodded back.  “Okay, if that’s what you want to do--”

“Sit down,” Chester rolled his eyes.  “You don’t get to do dramatic exits anymore.  I think I’ve been pretty good about all this.  You showin’ up, fighting with Barnes, bringing your fiancee over here.  It’s an adjustment, kid.  You’ve been gone nine years.  Nine years, without so much as a postcard.  Now you’re gonna marry some guy that the tabloids have a field day over and leave again?”

Steve slowly sat back down.  So this wasn’t about Bucky… or Tony.  It was about Steve.  “Permission to speak?”

Chester nodded curtly.

“I’m sorry.  It’s weird for me too.  Can you just…” He paused, trying to find the right words.  “I love Tony.  He wants to marry me and I still want to marry him.  I promise, it’s not like last time.  I’m not just gonna run off never to be heard from again.  I am gonna have to go home sooner or later.”

“I’m holding you to that, kid.” Chester looked back down at his plate and continued eating.

Steve and Tony ended up returning to California at the end of the week.  It was time, and if they were going to be getting married soon, then Steve needed to take care of everything.  The time for visiting was over.  They had work to do.

In Steve’s case, that was literal.  Fury clearly got word of Steve’s engagement and used it as an opportunity to pile on the caseload.  Fortunately, Sam and Clint were all too eager to take some of the cases off of his plate.

“I see what you’re doing, Rogers,” Clint said, looking through some of his files.  “You’re hoping that if you and Stark get hitched soon that we won’t have a chance to throw you a proper bachelor party.”

Steve chuckled.  “Honestly, that’s the last thing on my mind.”

“Yeah,” Sam said, throwing one of the files from his pile back onto Steve’s desk.  “I’m sure.  A little birdy told me you’ve been pretty busy getting a divorce.”

Steve shot him a glare.  “Who told you?”

“Riley,” Sam said nonchalantly.  

“I didn’t tell your boyfriend, Sam,” Steve said as he crossed his arms.

“Well someone did.” Sam shrugged.  “Didn’t think it was true though, not until you freaked out like that.”

Clint let out a low whistle.  “Never would’ve pegged you for a divorcee, Rogers.”

Steve shook his head.  “I was twenty and in love.  I thought that was it.  I was wrong.”

“Still,” Clint said.  “That’s a pretty big skeleton to hide in your closet all this time.  It’s a miracle none of the press found out.”

Steve hadn’t considered that.  “Yeah, I guess.  I’m just glad it’s over and done with.  But seriously, who told you?”

Sam snickered.  “Tony.  It was an accident, he wanted to know why I never said anything, and I told him I didn’t know anything about it.”

“So what was he like?” Clint asked, a playful smile on his face.  “I can’t imagine you with an ex.”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “He was…” Steve’s voice trailed off.  Bucky wasn’t easy to describe.  “Something I’m glad to have put behind me.  Now can we please focus on these cases?  I would like to be able to close some so I can go on my honeymoon.”

Sam laughed.  “Don’t worry about that.  There’s nothing too pressing in any of these cases.  It almost looks like Fury’s giving you all of the cold cases to go through.  None of these look recent.”

Clint nodded in agreement.  “Yeah, looks like Fury’s just trying to bury you in paperwork.  It’s nothing you need to be concerned about.  So tell me more about Mr. Ex Husband.”

“Tony said he was an asshole,” Sam added.

Clint made a face and teetered his head back and forth.  “I can see it.  Tony Stark’s kind of got that rep himself.  Maybe you’ve got a type, Steve.”

“He wasn’t a-- Tony isn’t--” Steve groaned in defeat.  “He was stupid and twenty-three.  He wasn’t ready to be someone’s husband.  So I left.  I’m sure he’s more… adult now.  At the time, it just wasn’t right.  I just never got the damn divorce taken care of, so I had to-- you know… take care of that.”

“Getting a little defensive, Rogers,” Clint teased.

Sam chuckled to himself.  “Man, out of all the secrets that I could’ve guess you’d have, I never would have thought a secret husband would be one of them.”

Steve had to stop himself from laughing cynically.  If only they knew.  He’d bet that would’ve shut them right up.  He could almost picture it.   _‘Well guys, I left because of our dead baby.’_  He couldn’t imagine them laughing after that.

He was shook out of his thoughts by Clint snapping his fingers together.  “Earth to Steve.  Everything okay?”

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, it’s all just…  weird, thinking about my past.”

“Tony said you got it all taken care of, right?” Sam asked.

Steve let out a sigh of relief.  “Yeah, thank god.  It wasn’t easy.  God he can be so… frustrating.”  He thought back to breaking into the house, rearranging the furniture, and all it really took was a few drunken outbursts to get Bucky to sign the stupid papers.  He almost laughed.   _Typical._  Bucky never did things the easy way.

Sam’s phone buzzed and suddenly they were paying attention.  Could it be an actual case?

Sam’s face fell before perking back up.  “Sorry guys, it’s Riley.  Apparently Tony sent out your wedding invitations.”

Clint waved dismissively.  “Since it’s in Brooklyn, will we meet your friends from back home?  I’d love to hear more stories about you and the ex.”

Steve shot him daggers.  “What do you want to know?  We were two stupid kids who thought just because we were childhood sweethearts that we were meant to be.”  Steve rolled his eyes at the notion.  “We just weren’t right for each other.”

“Still,” Clint said with a shrug.  “I’d like to know more about ‘young and stupid’ Steve Rogers.”

‘Young and stupid Steve Rogers adopted a kid he didn’t know how to take care of.  Young and Stupid Steve Rogers up and left when things got hard _._ ’ Steve thought bitterly to himself, not daring to say any of it aloud.  He made a mental note to tell everyone not to mention Joey before the Californians got to Brooklyn.  He hoped Tony wouldn’t say anything.

“Hey what’s this about?” Sam asked as he walked his phone over to Steve.  “You guys want us to donate to the American Lung Association in lieu of gifts?”   _Tony._  

“I used to have asthma.” Steve said dismissively, not about to explain Joey.

“No shit?” Clint raised an eyebrow.

Steve nodded.  “I used to be skinny and sickly as a kid.  Bulked up a lot once I hit puberty.  Grew out of the asthma.”

“Wow, you two aren’t wasting any time.  Getting married next month?  Trying to rush anything?” Sam asked with an eyebrow raise.  “Is one of your secrets that you’re an immigrant whose green card is about to expire?” Clint teased.

Steve groaned.  “No.  I just--after being in Brooklyn, it reminded me that… what I have with Tony is… I just don’t want to wait.”

Sam and Clint exchanged a look but didn’t say anything.  They just resumed looking through files.

Steve took a deep breath.  “What? What is it now?”

“Nothing, man,” Clint said.  “So long as you’re happy.”

Steve looked to Sam.  They made eye contact before Sam let out a sigh.  “It’s just all pretty fast.  You two haven’t even been dating a year yet.  I just hope you’re not rushing into anything.”

It was fair.  It was true.  They had been moving awfully quick.  It wasn’t because Steve wanted to rush into anything.  It was because, given his track record, he didn’t want to mess things up again.  That would be harder to explain to his friends.

“It just felt right.   We were in Brooklyn and we talked about it.”

“Yeah, besides,” Clint said a smirk sneaking its way onto his face.  “Steve could always just hide him away with his other secret husband if things go south.”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “It’s not gonna be like that with Tony.”  There’s not gonna be a dead little boy.  At least there better not be.  “Bucky and I just--”

“His name was ‘Bucky’?  I thought you lived in Brooklyn, not--”

“It was a nickname,” Steve interrupted Clint, pinching the bridge of his nose.  “The two of us just--”

“Grew apart?  Had too much space between you?” Clint suggested.

“I know you’re trying to be an asshole, but yeah,” Steve confessed.

Steve was interrupted by a knock at the door.  He fought the urge to roll his eyes.  Brock Rumlow was standing the doorway.

“You need something?” Clint asked.

Rumlow crossed his arms and leaned against the door.  “Just wanted to see if you wanted in on a case.”

Steve rolled his eyes, not about to fall for the bait.  Rumlow would make working on a case with him unbearable.  Steve motioned to the pile of files on his desk.  “Personally, I’ve got a lot on my plate.”

“No other takers?”

Cint theatrically looked around.  “I don’t see anyone here dumb enough to take you up on that.”

Steve gave him a disapproving look, despite how true it was, they didn’t need anyone else giving them a hard time.  “Thanks anyway.”

Rumlow shrugged.  “Figure you could consider it an early wedding gift.  You takin’ a long honeymoon?”

“Why?  Hoping that Fury will keep sending you all the good cases if I’m gone?” Steve asked, not able to hold his tongue.

“Nah,” Rumlow said confidently.  “I didn’t blow all my covers on any cases, so it’s got nothing to do with that.”

“We’ll be taking a short honeymoon,” Steve sneered.

Rumlow raised an eyebrow.  “I guess I’ll see you three around… probably not on the field though.”

Steve literally felt his eyes roll back into head as Rumlow walked away.  He could not stand that guy.

“Is it bad that I almost took him up on that offer?” Clint groaned.  “We haven’t seen a good case in weeks.”

Steve frowned.  “Fury will come around.”

“When do we head over to New York again?” Clint asked.  “Maybe I can transfer to an office over there.”

“Yeah,” Sam said.  “I think Coulson runs an office out east.  He’s gotta be better to work for.”

“Only if you’re fond of constant pep talks,” Steve teased.  “We head over there next week.  I’ve got a lot of planning to do.  I appreciate all the help.”

Clint chuckled.  “Are you kidding?  An excuse to get out of here, _and_ the chance to meet your ex, sign me up.”

“We’re probably not gonna see him.”  Steve shook his head.  “At least I doubt it.  We’ll probably be closer to the venue and Bucky’s not gonna be hanging out over there.”

Clint frowned.  “Maybe we can take a trip over to wherever he is?”

“No,” Steve laughed.  “We’re going to plan my wedding not rehash my divorce.”  

“Personally,” Sam interjected.  “I’m just glad to get away for a bit.  Riley’s been bugging me to take him somewhere touristy.  I figure I can take him into Manhattan and let him go nuts.”

“Manhattan is definitely a tourist trap,” Steve said in agreement.

Clint didn’t look impressed.  “Been there done that.  I wanna see where Rogers grew up.  Gotta be one hell of a place.”

Steve grimaced.  “It’s not.  Besides, I haven’t been to my childhood home in years.  I don’t even know who owns it anymore.”

Sam gave him a concerned look.  “I think he meant your hometown, Steve.  Not your actual childhood home.”

Clint shrugged, appearing indifferent.  “Either/or really.”

Steve let out a breath.  “We’ll see.  Maybe if we get everything done.”

“So that’s a no,” Sam laughed.  “We’ve got to plan his whole wedding with only a few weeks.”

“Most of it is taken care of by the venue.  We just have to approve it all, and Tony’s handling the band.  We just get to try the food, drinks, cake, and the boring stuff like centerpieces and flowers.”

“You got a tux yet?” Sam asked.

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, I ordered one when I got home.  They said it should be ready intime.  I’ve got a backup just in case.”

“You had me at food,” Clint said checking his watch.  “It’s quitting time.”

The three of them packed up their things and headed out the door.  They were going to have an eventful time in New York together.


	7. Chapter 7

Taking Clint and Sam with him to Brooklyn was simultaneously the best and worst decision he had ever made.  While the pair certainly added entertainment to the otherwise dull planning, they were incredibly distracting.

After a long afternoon of apologizing to the wedding planner for his friends, they were heading back to the hotel.  

“I still think you picked the wrong cake,” Clint said nonchalantly.

“Tony’s allergic to nuts,” Steve said for what felt like the hundredth time.  “We _couldn’t_ go with the one you wanted.”

Sam shook his head.  He was driving, and Steve still thought it was a bad call.  Sam was still new to the city and driving here could be a bitch.  “The cake was fine.  Those tablecloths, though…”

“They came with the wedding package,” Steve groaned.  “They weren’t up for discussion.”

 _Bump_!

"Shit,” Sam hissed as the car skipped. “I think we hit a pothole.”

“Pull over,” Steve said.  “Those things are killers.”

Steve got out of the car to take a look at the rental.  It must’ve been some pothole.  It had destroyed two of the four tires and it looked like it had messed up one of the rims.  “We’re gonna have to call a tow truck.  You can’t drive on this,”  Steve called into the car.

Clint groaned as Sam picked up his phone and began dialing.  Steve shook his head.  He knew he should’ve been the one to drive.  After only about twenty minutes, the tow truck arrived.

"There’s an autobody shop a couple of streets over. I’ll tow you over there, and they can take a look at it.”  The driver said as he pulled the car up.

“Thanks,” Steve said, tipping the guy generously.  “I appreciate it.”

They walked over to the shop as there wasn’t enough room for all of them in the truck.  After fifteen minutes, they found the place, _Joe’s_.  Steve hadn’t heard of it before.  It didn’t mean anything.  He never spent much time in this area anyway.

They walked into the shop.  Steve wandered over to the counter.  It reminded him of a Good Year or some chain.  He imagined the place got decent business considering what it was like to drive in Brooklyn.

He heard a clang and turned.  Clint had managed to knock down an entire display.  The FBI’s best had just knocked over a display at a local autobody shop.  The irony.

"You the one with the busted tires?” He heard a familiar voice ask from behind him.

Steve turned around so fast he almost fell over.  “Bucky?”

He was face to face with Bucky.  His face fell. “Didn’t know it was you.”

“Ditto,” Steve said, confused.  “What are you-- you work here?”

“I own it,” Bucky said quietly.  “So did you forget how to drive around here or--”

“I wasn’t the one driving.” Steve looked around the shop.  “Wait, this place is yours?”

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah.  Look, I won’t charge you.  Consider it an early wedding present or something.  You and your buddies can go get a bite somewhere and it’ll be done within an hour or two.”

Steve wasn’t listening.  He was still piecing everything together.   _Joe’s_.  Bucky named the place _Joe’s_.  “Bucky--”

“Catch you around,” Bucky cut him off.  I’ll leave the keys on the counter when it’s done.”

“Everything okay?” Sam asked.

Steve didn’t answer.  He just watched as Bucky walked out the back.  A wave of nausea hit him.  “I think I’m gonna catch a cab and head back to the hotel.  He said the car should be ready in an hour or so.  I’m not feeling so good though.”

Sam didn’t look too convinced, though.  “Okay,” he said a tone of suspiciousness in his voice.  “We’ll catch up with you later then.”

Steve hurried out of the shop, or at least he tried to. Something caught his eye. He paused and walked back over to the desk.   _That photo._  Steve stared at it for a few moments before he barged out the same way Bucky had headed.  He made his way into a garage area.  He spotted his ex-husband and approached him.

“What are you doing--”

“Why did you put that photo up?” Steve demanded.  

Bucky gave him a dirty look.  “He was my son too.  I’m allowed to hang pictures up of him.”

“That was from--”

“I know when it was taken.” Bucky sneered.  “It was one of the first days we got to drive around with the top down.  He was _healthy_ then.  We went to the park, stayed there all day.   _That’s_ how I remember him.  I know--it was different for you.”

Steve stared at him for a moment, not sure what to say.  It was from their _last_ good day.  “I don’t have any pictures of him.”

“That’s what happens when you leave without a goodbye.  Some things get left behind.”  Bucky turned back to his tools.  

“What happened to us?” Steve asked quietly.

“What do you want me to say, Steve?” Bucky asked, shaking his head.  “I know I wasn’t perfect, but you left.”

“You said some _horrible_ things--”

"I’m not excusing that,” Bucky said.  “I wasn’t talking about that either.”

Realization crashed over him.  The cemetery.  Steve should’ve known.

“You’re with someone else now, and if that’s what you want, fine.  But you don’t get to come in here, in my shop, and read me the riot act for having a picture up of my kid.” Bucky pushed his hair out of his face.  “You can’t have it both ways.”

Steve frowned.  “I know. Seeing that picture… it threw me for a loop.”

“Not really my problem,” Bucky muttered under his breath.

“Leaving wasn’t easy,” Steve confessed.  “I wanted to stay, I… I had to leave.  You were drinking and he was gone.  I couldn’t stay.  It wasn’t an easy decision, though.  For what it’s worth, I’ll always love the boy who first kissed me down by the beach.”

Bucky opened his mouth and closed it again, before nodding.  “I guess I’ll always love that skinny kid who always got himself into more trouble than he could handle.”

“Take care of yourself, Buck,” Steve said quietly.  

“I hope he makes you happy,” Bucky responded, barely louder than a whisper.  “You’ve earned happy.”

Why was this so hard?  They had divorced, they’d said their goodbyes, but somehow this was different.  More personal.  Maybe more final.  Steve turned his back to Bucky before a tear could fall from his eye.  It was almost harder than leaving him the first time.  Bucky came up behind him, and pressed his head against the back of Steve’s.  It took all his willpower not to reach back and hold him there.  He walked away.  It was so hard, not staying in that moment forever.  Harder than Steve ever dreamt it would be, but he did it.  He walked away.

When he re-entered the shop area, Sam gave him a look.

“What was that about?” Clint asked, still trying to fix the display.

“That was Bucky,” Steve said in a hushed tone.

They both stopped what they were doing and looked at him strangely.  

“As in… ‘secret ex husband’ Bucky?”

 “Man, how many ‘Buckys’ do you think there are in this city?” Sam shook his head.

Steve wasn’t paying attention.  “I can’t be here.  I’ll catch you later.”  He left this time, really left.  He caught the first cab back to the hotel, his eyes flooding the entire time.  Why was this so hard?  Why was there this gaping hole in his chest?  He had made his choice a long time ago.

The next day felt like a haze.  The entire time he was at the venue with his friends he felt like he was clouded.  He didn’t care about anything and let them make most of the decisions, only commenting when the questions were aimed directly to him.

“You okay?” Sam asked when the wedding planner had stepped away for a moment.

“Hmm?” Steve turned to face his friend, not paying attention.

Sam gave him a look.  “Are you feelin’ okay?  You haven’t been focusing and I really can’t keep pretending to be enthusiastic about place settings.”

“Sorry,” Steve said.  “I’m just trying to… figure out the seating chart.  Tony’s dad can’t sit anywhere near Chester, and I can’t have Becca near any of Tony’s family.”

 Sam didn’t look convinced.  “Whatever you say.”

“I bet it has something to do with our charismatic mechanic,” Clint teased, but it stung like a wasp, right in his gut.

“I don’t wanna talk about him,” Steve said, trying to sound indifferent.  

“Sounds kind of unresolved to me,” Clint said under his breath.

Steve shot him a look, but didn’t respond as the wedding planner returned, sitting back down across from them.  “Now, silverware…”

“Can we take like a twenty minute intermission?” Clint asked.  “Our groom to be is feeling a little under the weather, he needs some fresh air.”

She gave an anxious smile, and Steve felt for her, he knew as well as she did that planning this so quickly was a tall order.  They really _didn’t_ have twenty minutes to spare.

“How about ten?” Steve suggested.

“Sure,” She said, clearly not thrilled.

“It won’t even be a full ten,” Sam promised as they stood up.

“We’ll be right outside if there’s a centerpiece emergency or something,” Clint said, shaking his head as they stepped out.

The light seared into Steve’s skull as they made it outside.  “What is it?”

"You know you don’t have to do this,” Sam said, voice full of concern.

“What are you talkin’ about?  Someone’s gotta pick out the silverware.”

“He means the wedding, genius.”  Clint rolled his eyes.

Steve’s brow furrowed.  “What--why wouldn’t I want to get married?”

“I know I’ve been mostly pulling your leg, but it seems like you’re still hung up on your ex,” Clint said bluntly.

Steve gave him a disapproving look.  Sure, Bucky had meant something to him once, and part of him would always care for him, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to marry Tony.  “I want to get married.  It was just… seeing Bucky yesterday… the past is complicated.  I don’t have cold feet.  This is what I want.”

"You’re sure?” Sam asked, clearly still not convinced.

Steve nodded.  “I’m sure.  Trust me, I wouldn’t be here picking out napkin colors if I was on the fence.”

“He makes a convincing argument,” Clint conceded.  “I sure as hell don’t wanna be here doing this.”

Sam still looked unsure.  “Look, it’s a big decision--”

“Don’t listen to him,” Clint interrupted.  “It’s the _easiest_ decision you’re ever supposed to make.  If you don’t immediately think ‘yes I want to spend my last ever living moment with this person,’ then your answer is no.  It’s not a complicated decision that requires thought.  You either love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him, or you don’t.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with Tony,” Steve said, but the words felt strange leaving his mouth.  Almost as if he never expected to say them in the first place.

If anyone else noticed, they didn’t share it.  “Let’s head back in before our napkin enthusiast has a fit.”  Clint motioned back to the door.

Steve nodded as he and Sam trailed back into the venue to discuss silverware with their very anxious wedding planner.

The next several weeks were spent travelling back and forth from California to Brooklyn.  Steve was certain that he was never going to get on a regular sleep cycle.  Steve had never seen so many flowers in his life.  The mundane tasks made him glad that he would be married soon and never have to look at napkin swatches again.

Tony had be equally busy trying to find available musicians that met up to his standards.  Steve still thought they should have just hired a D.J. but Tony wouldn’t hear it.  “Steve, we have a venue where you can see Manhattan in the backdrop,  we need actual live music, anything else will fall flat.”

City Hall and _Rookies_ sure seemed like heaven in terms of preparation.  The first time around, Chester had bought them a cake from Price Club and they ate it at the bar with whatever napkins were hanging around.  He almost missed the simplicity of it.  There was certainly less stress involved.

Steve was also busy packing up his apartment.  Tony wanted to move into the new place as soon as possible.  Steve, on the other hand, had no problem waiting to move in.  They had enough to worry about with planning the wedding, and the last thing they needed was to rush into moving.  He appreciated that Tony had arranged the new place for them, but there was no reason that they couldn’t wait to move in.  It was just adding more onto their already filled plates.

The wedding was inching closer and closer, and Steve still felt like he had a million things to do.  The seating chart was quite possibly the most stressful part of it all.  Tony’s friends needed to be nowhere near _his_ friends from Brooklyn, who also needed to be kept away from his boss.  He could only imagine what Fury would do if he heard all of Steve’s deepest darkest secrets.

“Does your father mind if he sits near your aunt?  I know their relationship is complicated, but we’ve got to seat her somewhere.” Steve glanced over the seating chart again, searching for a possible solution.  They were in California for the week, and he was taking advantage of the downtime.

“You can seat them in the back,” Tony said dismissively.  “It’s not like it matters.  I don’t exactly care about what my father or aunt will have to say about that.”

Steve frowned.  “He has been much more supportive of this than I thought he’d be.”

“Babe, don’t stress about seating,” Tony laughed heartily.  “I’m sure my aunt won’t even show up.  I’m sure she’ll just send us a very generous gift with a note explaining how she couldn’t make it do to some unforeseen circumstance.”

“We still have to seat her somewhere in case she decides to show up,” Steve reasoned with him.

Tony put down his tablet and held his hand out.  “Let me see the chart?”

Steve handed it to him.  Tony studied the chart for a moment.  “How about we move my mother’s brother to the table with Rhodey and Pepper? Then my father’s sister can take his spot.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, he’s sociable enough.  It’ll work.  Honestly it’s not the end of the world if someone is seated with someone who they don’t get along with.  They’re getting a fantastic free meal, drinks, and a party.”  Tony handed the seating chart back to Steve.

Steve made the adjustments before placing the chart down for the evening.

“Can I ask you something?” Tony asked not looking up from his tablet.

“Sure.”  Steve looked at his fiancee.  “What’s up?”

“I know you don’t like talking about it but how old was your son when he--”

“You want to do this _now_?” Steve moaned.  “Tony, I’m tired.  Why is this something you want to talk about anyway.”

Tony gave him a look as he put the tablet down.  “I’m asking because he was important to you, and what’s important to you is important to me.  I just want to know about him.”

"He wasn’t even two yet,” Steve said, rolling his eyes.  He didn’t want to talk about this.

“Do you have any pictures?”

“No--not really.  I’ve got his baby book somewhere but it’s mostly just a copy of his birth certificate and his first words and all that stuff.”  Steve shook his head.  Bucky had all the pictures.

Tony frowned.  “What was his name?”

“Joseph.  After my father.”

“I didn’t know your dad’s name was Joseph,” Tony noted.  “You don’t talk about him much.”

Steve shrugged.  He had no problem discussing his father.  “He died shortly after I was born.  All I know about him are the stories my ma used to tell me.”

“Still, you named your son after him,” Tony pointed out.

“It was Bucky’s idea,” Steve said honestly.  “At that point his father was still with us, so he thought it would be a nice gesture to name our son after my dad.  I just agreed because I liked the name.”

“What was that like?”

“What was what like?” Steve gave him a look.

“Being married.  I know I don’t know him, but it’s just hard to imagine you…” Tony’s voice trailed off.

“It was… at first it was nice.  We felt all grown up, which should’ve been our first hint that we weren’t,” Steve admitted.  “Then Joey entered the picture--”

“How exactly _did_ he enter the picture?”

Steve sighed as he rubbed his forehead.  “Bucky’s sister got pregnant.  She couldn’t take care of him on her own, so she asked us if we’d be interested in adopting, rather than her having to go through a long process.”

Tony nodded.  “Sorry, continue.”

“When Joey entered our lives… people think that babies bring you this ultimate happiness that makes the world seem brighter, and makes your problems seem miniscule, and it’s not really like that,” Steve confessed.  “Don’t get me wrong, he was the light of our lives, and I would’ve died for him, but with Joey came a lot of crying, and tantrums, and countless sleepless nights.  I was a city cop at the time, and Bucky helped out at a body shop around the corner. I worked nights, and he worked days.  

“Somewhere along the line, things got harder.  He stopped coming home from his shifts on time, which usually meant I had to miss mine if I couldn’t find a sitter.  Whenever he would make it home, he’d be drunk, or just… exhausted.  The last thing he would want after that was to watch a baby.  The fact is, we weren’t really ready for a child.  We were still so young and with that, comes selfishness.”

Steve paused, trying to find the right words.  He scratched the back of his neck. “Then Joey got sick, and things got worse.  Bucky came home less and less often.  I didn’t have time to take him to the doctor right away.  When I finally took him to the clinic, the doctor assured me it was just the croup, and he’d have to wait it out.  It didn’t get better.  But I was doing it all by myself.  I guess near the end it wasn’t really a marriage.  It was two people living different lives but were just joined legally.  Once Joey was gone… there was no reason for me to stay.”

Tony frowned.  “Sounds awful.”

"The thing is, it wasn’t, not really,” Steve confessed.  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I mean apart from losing Joey.  Otherwise we were just… indifferent for a while.  Neither one of us really caring enough to do anything about it.  I don’t want us to get like that.  I want us to keep _caring_ , even if it’s not easy, even if we’re fighting.  I don’t want us to stop caring about each other.”

“We won’t,” Tony said as he took Steve’s hand and rubbed it soothingly.  “Thank you, for talking about it.  I know it’s not easy.”

It wasn’t easy.  He wished Tony hadn’t asked him about it.  “Is it okay, if we talk about something else?  It’s just… Joey’s…”

“‘Course,  I’m sorry.” Tony said, sounding sincere.

Steve felt like there was a massive lump in his throat.  He didn’t want to talk about anything. “I’m gonna turn in. We can talk more tomorrow?”

"If you’re sure,” Tony said, giving him a look of concern.

“Thanks, yeah, I’m sure.  Kind of exhausted.” Steve said as he placed everything down on the table and stood up from the couch.  He kissed Tony chastely.  “Night.”

“Get some sleep,” Tony said.  “Tomorrow’s our deadline to pick a band, centerpiece and cake.”

Steve groaned.  “I keep telling her which cake we decided on and she never writes it down.”

“I think she knows,” Tony said.  “I just think that we can’t change our minds after tomorrow.  Other than that I think we’re set.”

“The centerpiece?”

“Already confirmed with them,” Tony grinned.  “The band is… that’s trickier.”

"I know you, I’m sure you’ll take care of it,” Steve said honestly.  “I’m gonna call it a night.  Too much wedding stuff.  All we really need is you and me and a couple of witnesses.”

Tony smirked.  “I can see the headlines now ‘ _Stark Heir Runs Off with Covert Agent_.’  My father’s head would spin around 360 degrees.”

“I’m sure there are a lot of people who would pay good money to see that,” Steve said.  His eyelids felt heavy, his heart was still racing after all the talking about Joey.  He just wanted to sleep.  “You coming to bed?”

Tony sighed.  “As much as I’d love to, I think I should try and find us some musical entertainment.  I’ll join you soon.”  

Steve nodded as he slumped into the bedroom.  Navigating the room was an adventure.  The floor was lined with boxes and it was an accident waiting to happen.  He’d only ever properly moved once.  That was from Chester’s house to the home with Bucky.  When he came to California and moved in, he had one suitcase and about $300 to his name.  He couch surfed for a while until he got this place.  It was bittersweet to leave it behind.

He lay down the on the comfortable bed for a moment before sitting back up.  He walked through the boxes and began rifling through the closet.  He felt his heart sink into his stomach.  Where was it?  It had to be there!  It had to!  He knew that he had put it away!  

Steve scrambled through the contents of the closet desperately.  This could not be happening.  He was tearing the closet apart in search of it.  He felt sick, like he might throw up at any moment.  He couldn’t have lost it, he _couldn’t have_.

“Babe,” Tony called from the hall.  “Everything okay?”

Steve wanted to scream, no, it was not okay, nothing was okay!  Where was it.  “Shit!” Steve yelled, much louder than he intended.  He began rifling through all the piles of clothing that were now lining the floor.  This had to be wrong.  He must’ve missed it.

“Steve?” Tony must’ve came in because he was standing behind him.  “What are you doing?”

“I can’t find it!” Steve snapped, continuing his search through the clothes.

Tony sighed.  “Try to calm down, what are you looking for?”

“The baby book!” Steve said anxiously.  “I can’t find it, Tony!  It’s the only thing I took!  It’s all I have of him!”

Tony stepped into the closet.  “What’s this?”  Tony brought out a large storage box. “It was on the shelf.”

Steve gingerly took it out of Tony’s hands and placed it gently on the bed.  This had to be it.  Steve slowly opened it, not sure what he would do if it wasn’t in there.  To his relief, it was the book.  He took it out warily, not wanting to cause it any damage.

"That it?”

Steve nodded as he let out a sigh of relief.  He felt his heart relax as he opened it cautiously.  There was the one picture he had of his son--a newborn picture from the hospital.  Becky was in it.  It was strange, she had insisted not being a part of it, but Bucky and Steve disagreed.  It seemed like a mistake now.  He almost wished that one of them were in the picture instead.

“This is him.”

Tony nodded as he kissed the side of Steve’s head gingerly.  “He was a cute kid.”

“Yeah he was,” Steve said sadly.  “I think about what he would’ve looked like a lot.  I always thought he’d wind up looking like Bucky did.  He could’ve turned out like his biological father though.  I’ll never know.”

“As someone who’s been in therapy on and off for _years_ , I don’t think you should focus on the ‘what ifs’  but what you do know.  You know your son was cute.  You know what his first words were, you know that you love him.  You know he loved you.  Isn’t that enough?”

Steve stared at Tony for a moment.  Horrified.  His stomach churned.   _‘Isn’t that enough?_ ’  It echoed in his brain like church bells.  It wasn’t his fault, not really.  Tony would never understand.  It wasn’t the same as losing a parent or a friend, this was his _son_.  His son he had hopes and dreams for.  His son that never even got to go to kindergarten or fall in love.  His son who never got to ride a bike or learn to add.  All Steve really had were ‘what ifs’.  

“I’m not feeling well,” Steve said as he placed the book back in the box carefully.  

“Steve--”

“I think I’m gonna sleep on the couch,” Steve tossed the clothes back into the closet carelessly.  

Tony gave him a sympathetic look.  “I didn’t mean to upset you--”

“You didn’t,” Steve lied.  “I just don’t want to get you sick.  It’s my stomach.”

Tony didn’t look convinced.  “If you’re sick, then you should take the bed.  I’ll crash on the sofa.”

“Stop,” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Stop what?” Tony asked, his voice getting louder.  “I’m just trying to help--”

“Stop being so perfect!” Steve groaned.  “You’ve been walking on eggshells since we got back here!  Where’s the sarcastic asshole I fell in love with?  I’m not broken, and you should be mad at me, Tony!  Really, really mad at me!”

Tony threw his arms out.  “So you’re mad at me because I’m not mad at you?”

“I lied!  Tony, I lied to you about everything!  I had a secret husband throughout our entire relationship!  I had a son that I never told you about!  And you just… forgave me, just like that.  And ever since we got back here… you’ve been too perfect!  Like you’re worried I’ll run back to Bucky!  And instead of talking about it, you’re trying to kill the problem with kindness and that’s just not you,” Steve yelled.

Tony laughed, a hint of bitterness in his tone.  “Are you kidding me?  Steve, I love you.  I forgave you because everyone has a past.  I’ve been nice because we’re about to get married and--”

"And because you know that I have a dead baby!” Steve snapped.  “Well he was dead before I went back to Brooklyn, Tony.  You don’t have to treat me like I’m fragile.”

Tony shook his head with his eyes wide.  “I have not--”

“You should have told me off for what I just did!  I tore apart our closet looking for a box that was in plain sight!  I didn’t even try to clean it up--”

“I don’t care about the mess--”

“You don’t care that I had a whole life that you never knew about?” Steve asked.  “I would care.  If you told me you were married and had lied to me, I would be mad.  I’d probably call this whole thing off like a hypocrite, but I would--”

“Of course I care,” Tony spat.  “It makes me sick everytime I think about you and that guy!  I _hate_ that you didn’t trust me enough to talk to me.  It makes my skin crawl every time you talk about Brooklyn now because all I can think about is how you were someone else’s husband!  How you had a baby with someone else.  How if we ever have kids, it won’t be your first time going through this!  I hate it!  But I love _you_ , so I’m trying not to care about it!”

Steve sighed as he took a deep breath.  “I need you to care.  I love you because you make me laugh.  I know it sounds stupid and cliche, but you make everything that’s happened to me hurt a little less.  I can’t--it’s not like that when you’re acting like a saint, because then all I feel is guilt.  Guilty for everything.  And I know some of it is deserved, like the lying.  But it all just… adds on.  I want Tony back, not this.”

Tony sighed as he kissed Steve’s temple softly.  “I’m sorry, I’ll try not to treat you like you’re fragile, but I need to know that you’re in this with me, like really in it.  It just feels like you’re a million miles away lately.  Now stop being dramatic and sleep in our bed--with me.”

Steve smiled as he met Tony’s lips with his sweetly.  “Shouldn’t we clean up this mess first?”

“ _You_ can,” Tony smirked.  “I had nothing to do with his clusterfuck.  Or you could stop being such an old man and leave it until tomorrow.”

Steve laughed at the reference.  When he and Tony had started dating, Tony used to say he had the personality of a ninety year old Wolrd War II vet.  “What did I do to deserve you?”

“Probably something horrible in a past life,” Tony teased.  “C’mon, let’s get to sleep.  We can clean this all up tomorrow morning.”

Steve nodded.  He was exhausted.  “Okay, but first thing when we wake up.  This place is enough of a mess with all the boxes.”

“Whatever you say,” Tony laughed.  “Is it safe to say we had a case of pre-wedding jitters?”

Steve nodded.  He hadn’t had those with Bucky.  Back then, everything had seemed so certain.  Like he and Bucky were a fact, something that couldn’t be altered or torn apart.  He was less naive now.  There was nothing that was certain.  Life was too unforgiving.

Steve yawned as he leaned his head against Tony’s.

Tony pouted.  “I take it that means no make-up sex?”

“Not tonight,” Steve said, feeling a pang of disappointment himself. “I’m really too tired.”

“Raincheck?”

Steve nodded.  “Raincheck.  I just need sleep, Tony.”

“Yeah well, once we’re done traveling the continent every other weekend that shouldn’t be a problem anymore,” Tony said.  It was true.  All of the traveling was taking its toll.

Steve’s eyelids felt like they weighed three tons as he sat down on the bed.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Tony said as he sat down next to him.  “Go to sleep, we can talk more tomorrow… or not.  But I think most of this argument stemmed from the sleep deprivation, which is refreshing because that used to be a primary aspect of my personality.”

Steve wasn’t really paying attention. He was just trying to keep sleep at bay as he scooted up so that he was against the headboard.  “I’m just gonna…”

“Sleep,” Tony finished for him as he politely placed the pillows behind his head.  “Go to sleep.  We can talk about whatever you want when you wake up.  You’ve been trying to get to bed for the better part of an hour now.”

Steve nodded.  Right.  He needed to sleep.  He slid down so he was no longer sitting up.  His eyes no longer open at all.  He felt Tony peppering kisses to the top of his head.  After a moment he felt a weight move from the bed.  Tony must’ve left, but he couldn’t convince his eyes to open up so he could check.  

When Steve looked around, he was at the park. Bucky’s arm around his waist as they walked after Joey.

“Think he’s havin’ fun?”

Steve laughed.  “He’s running all over the place and getting you to push him on the swing whenever he wants.  He’s having a blast.”

Giggling.  That sound was so musical that Steve could listen to it for hours.  His son’s laughter, so full of pure joy as he ran back over to them.

Bucky didn’t miss a beat as he bent down and scooped the boy up, playfully tickling him in the process.  They didn’t do this enough.  They _never_ had off at the same time, and Bucky usually preferred to be down by the bar.  It was nice having him like this.

Bucky placed the boy back on the ground.  Joey looked up at them, wide smile, and Steve’s heart _melted_.  He was lucky.  Sure he and Bucky weren’t perfect, but Joey made them feel like they were.

His son looked to him and stretched his arms out. “Pa!  Up!”

Steve gave Bucky a look before picking the young boy up.  “You wanna go home or go down the slide one more time?”

Joey yawned, and rubbed his eye.  “No! Swing.”

Steve glanced over to Bucky who shrugged.  “Sounds like a fair compromise to me.”

Steve gave him a look.  “He’s tired--”

“So he’ll just pass out on the swing and then we’ll carry him home.”  Bucky crossed his arms.  “We don’t do this enough.”

He had a point.  Steve walked over to the swingset with his son still in his arms.  He pushed his son on the swing.  Despite what they had hoped, Joey did not pass out.  He actually got a second wind.  Yelling “Yay!  Wee!” with each push.  Steve didn’t have the heart to stop.

Bucky was watching them from the bench.  “Babe!” He called.  “Babe, wake up.  You’re gonna be late.”

Steve’s brow furrowed.  Why would he say that?

“Steve!  Wake up!”

His eyes opened.  He was back in the apartment.  “No.”  He slammed his eyes shut longing to go back to that place.  “I just wanna go back.”

“Babe, what are you talking about?” He heard Tony ask, concern in his voice.

“Just let me go back,” Steve pleaded with no one in particular, except perhaps a greater power that might listen. “I just want to go back.”

He felt Tony’s hand rub his back soothingly.  “Steve, open your eyes.  It’s okay.  You’re home.”  It didn’t feel like home.  Home was supposed to be Brooklyn, with his little boy.

Steve sat up and looked at Tony.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Tony gave him a concerned look.  “Bad dream?”

No.  It was a good dream.  Maybe the best dream he’s ever had.  He couldn’t tell Tony that.  He couldn’t tell his fiancee that he was disappointed that he woke up in their shared home together rather than being in Brooklyn with his ex and son.  That wouldn’t go over well.

“I guess?  I don’t remember it,” Steve lied.  He gave Tony a smile.  “Better now.”

Tony nodded.  “Well, it’s time to get up, sleeping beauty.  You’ve got work, and I’m not taking the fall for you showing up late to work.  Fury’s looking for an excuse to blast me to my father.”

Steve frowned.  “I’ll be on time. Thanks for making sure I didn’t sleep in.”  The words felt bitter leaving his mouth.  He would’ve been happy to have slipped into a coma and live that day over and over again for the rest of his life.  He would sleep his life away if he could hold his son like that again.  He had felt so heavy in his arms, like he was really there.

"Didn’t want you to forget to clean that mess up,” Tony teased.

Right.  The mess.  Steve groaned as he looked at it.  “Thanks,” he said dryly.

 "I’m not the one who told you to tear apart the closet.  You could’ve just asked for help,” Tony said.

It was true.  But Steve wasn’t exactly thinking clearly the night before.  He stepped out of bed and began picking the clothes up.

“Heads up!” Tony tossed him a muffin.  “Don’t forget breakfast.”  It was subtle.  Steve hadn’t eaten much since his last trip from Brooklyn.  Apparently, Tony had noticed. He wasn’t really sure why.

“Thanks,” Steve said appreciatively, though he probably wouldn’t eat it.  “You going into the office tonight?”

“Yeah,” Tony said.  “Dad wants to exploit our engagement by having me show up at the most mundane events just to attract a buzz.”

Steve frowned.  “Don’t work too hard.”

“I almost never do,” Tony kissed him sweetly.  “I’ll see you tonight.”  Tony walked out of the bedroom.

Steve put the muffin down when he heard the front door click.  He considered calling out of work.  He felt sick to his stomach.  He just wanted to go back to bed.  Everything was perfect.  Perhaps this was his penance.  Maybe he did something awful in his past.  He had to.  There was no other explanation.  Why else would he have to relive the best day of his life, and not be allowed to stay.  It all went to hell after that.

He could still hear Joey’s giggle echoing in his head.  What he would give to _really_ hear that again.  His heart ached.  This was supposed to be easier by now.


	8. chapter 8

It was the week of the wedding, and Steve and Tony were back in Brooklyn.  Everything was taken care of and they were finally going to introduce Chester and Howard.  Naturally, Steve was nervous.  He didn’t know how Chester would react to Howard Stark.  Chester was very no nonsense, whereas Howard was larger than life.  He and Tony had that in common.  In some ways, the two were more similar than Steve cared to admit.  

“Do you think he’s gonna flip?” Tony asked as they drove over to Chester’s.

Steve shrugged.  “I’m more worried that Chester is gonna insult him.”

“I’m just having terrible flashbacks to when I showed my father my college dorm room,” Tony laughed.  “He insulted my entire cohort and my professors in one visit.  He doesn’t have much--”

“Grace?” Steve suggested.  “Honestly, Chester’s got no filter.  Remember that uncomfortable dinner?  I can only imagine how awful this is gonna be.”

“Maybe they’ll get along famously,” Tony suggested.  “I mean they’re both disapproving father figures who wish this wedding wasn’t happening.”

Steve laughed.  “That’s a good point.  Maybe they’ll bond over the fact that they think we’re both idiots.”

They arrived at the small apartment, and Chester was already in a mood.  The second they walked through the door, he was complaining about something.  “The damn stove keeps taking too long to light.”

“Have you called the warranty company?” Steve suggested.

“I don’t have a warranty,” Phillips grunted.

Tony gave Steve a look as he suppressed a laugh.  “Technically, I do have a degree in engineering.  I can take a look at it.”

“Thank you,” Steve said before Chester could protest.  “That’s very nice of you, Tony.”

Tony smirked as he went over to the stove, and started investigating the situation.

Chester walked over to Steve and crossed his arms.  “You sure about this?”  
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Steve said, trying to sound convincing.  He hadn’t been sure about anything since he left Brooklyn nine years prior.

“When’s your old man showin’ up?” Chester asked.

Tony glanced over the stove and shrugged.  “His flight is supposed to land in about an hour.  It shouldn’t be long after that.”

“Anything I should know--”

“Manners,” Steve said, testing his luck.  “Using your manners could help.”

Chester gave him a look.  “Don’t push it, kid.”

Tony coughed. “Sorry to interrupt, but do you have a screwdriver or--”

“I’ll get you the toolbox,” Steve called back to him.  He turned back to Chester.  “Please behave.”

“I’m not a child, kid,” Chester sneered.  “I know how to behave.”

Steve gave him a look.  “Be nice.”

Chester didn’t acknowledge him as Steve fished the toolbox out of the closet and walked it over to Tony.

“Thanks, I think there’s a faulty switch.  Shouldn’t take me too long to fix it.”  Tony pulled a wrench out.  

“Thank you, Tony,” Steve said, hoping Chester would take the hint and thank him too.  He didn’t.

After about an hour, Tony was still working on the stove and there was a knock at the door.  

“Tony, why don’t you call it.  I can call the handyman,” Steve said as he went over to the door, dreading to open it.  

“Nah,” Tony said dismissively.  “I’m almost done.”

Steve had a horrible image flash into his brain of Howard Stark dying of a heart attack watching his son perform a task they’d usually hire someone else to do.

Steve cautiously opened the door, and there stood Howard Stark, dressed in a  _ suit _ .  An actual  _ suit _ .  The man had ridden on an airplane in a  _ suit. _

“Hello, Mr. Stark,” Steve said, trying to be polite.  

“Steve.” Howard nodded.  “I hope you’re doing well.”

Steve blinked, never sure how to address his soon to be father-in-law.  “I… I am.  And yourself?”

“Yes, I suppose,” Howard said as Steve let him in the house.  

Tony stood up from the stove and wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead.  “Dad.  How was the flight.”

Howards lips pursed.  “Fine.”

Chester cleared his throat.

“Mr. Stark, this is Chester Phillips.  He’s the closest thing I’ve got to a father.” Steve motioned to Chester.

“It’s a pleasure,” Howard stretched out his hand.

Chester shook it firmly.  “Likewise.  You’re gonna have to tell me how you managed to get your kid to do things around the house.”  He motioned to Steve.  “This one used to mess stuff up on purpose so I wouldn’t ask him anymore.”

Howard snorted.  “I think he’s just trying to impress.  Tony’s never done anything with a wrench around the house that didn’t involve taking apart appliances to make some contraption.”

Chester sighed.  “Steve would just leave doodles all over the place, I guess I can’t complain.  He never took the kitchen sink apart.”

Howard scoffed.  “I wish he had stopped at the kitchen sink.  We’re talking washing machines, dishwashers, the lawnmower--”

“It’s not like  _ you _ ever used those things.” Tony crossed his arms.  “I believe you had ‘the help’ do those tasks.”

Howard rolled his eyes.  “I still had to  _ replace them _ , Tony.”

Chester raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, and it was the first time that Steve had ever seen him speechless.

“How are you liking New York so far, Mr. Stark?” Steve tried to diffuse the tension.

“I like  _ New York _ just fine.  I used to do a lot of business in Manhattan.  I must admit, I’m not too familiar with Brooklyn.”  Howard glanced around the apartment, clearly trying to determine if there was more to it.  There wasn’t.

Chester laughed cynically.  “Well there’s a lot less for a tourist to see than in Manhattan, but we do just fine.”

Shit.  They had been getting along, and now it seemed to have taken a turn for the worse.

“Tony and I were hoping we could show you two the venue,” Steve said, anxiously rubbing the back of his neck.  “There is a great view of Manhattan.”

Tony nodded.  “Yeah, once I finish up the stove here--”

Steve shot him a look.  Now was not the time to be fiddling with the stove. 

“Or… we could go now,” Tony relented.  “If Steve thinks it’s a good idea.”

Steve let out a sigh of relief, but it may have been premature.

“Why don’t you go,” Chester suggested.  “Personally, I’d like to see it for the first time at the wedding.”

Steve’s heart fell in disappointment.  “C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

“I have to agree with Mr. Phillips,” Howard commented.  “Personally after the flight and the long drive, I’m not exactly in a hurry to do anything that involved.”  
Tony took a deep breath.  “At least let us treat you two to dinner.  You must be hungry.”

“I was gonna make somethin’ before the damn stove started acting up,” Chester said indifferently.

Howard looked uneasy, as if he thought there was a secret plot to poison him about to unfold.  “Where do you suggest we go?”  
Tony shrugged.  “I figured we could pop into Manhattan--”

Chester snorted.

“Or some place local,” Steve suggested gently.  “There are a lot of great places over here.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be nice to try something new,” Tony added.  “Plus the cultural diversity here must result in lots of options.”

Steve nodded. “Oh yeah, any type of food you want you can get here somewhere.”

“How about the River Cafe?” Steve suggested.  “It’s formal, there’s a great view of Manhattan, and there are lots of options too.”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed.  “Steve and I have been talking about going there for a while now.”  It was true, they had discussed it as a possible option for the rehearsal dinner.

It seemed like a reasonable compromise.  Chester made a face, but didn’t object.  Steve felt a pang of guilt.  He knew Chester, and he was sure that the Starks flashing all this money around must’ve made him feel a bit uneasy.

“Or we could go to this small town type place,” Steve suggested.  “It’s not fancy but… when in Rome right?  There are some great diners, and California’s got nothing quite like it.  The pizza here is somethin’ else too.”

“That’s a good idea.”  Tony’s lips curved up into a smirk.  “We could order a pizza and eat it here.  I could finish up the stove, Dad and Chester could get better acquainted.  It’s kind of perfect, babe.”

Steve felt a grateful warmth wash over him.  Tony was amazing.  He could’ve been picky, and no one would’ve blamed him for wanting to go somewhere nice.  

“I’ll treat,” Chester grumbled as he tossed Steve forty dollars, which was well over the reasonable price for a pizza.  Steve understood though, Chester didn’t want to seem cheap or poor.  He just lived a different lifestyle, and there was probably a bit of pride in treating the Starks to dinner.

“Anyone want toppings?” Steve asked.

Howard shook his head, clearly trying to stay neutral, though it was clear he was not exactly onboard with the pizza plan, but he didn’t object and for that, Steve was grateful.

“I’m fine with plain,” Tony said as he headed back over to the stove to finish up his handiwork.

Chester shrugged.  “Maybe some sausage.”

Steve nodded as he dialed the pizzeria.  He quickly ordered the pizza for delivery, while watching Chester and Howard from the corner of his eye.  He really hoped that they would be able to keep things amicable.

“Should be here in about twenty minutes.”  Steve placed the phone on side table.  

Tony was back over by the stove tinkering away.  Steve smiled fondly at the picture of Tony Stark trying to fix the house up for Chester.  They could be so happy like this.  In another world, where the spotlight wasn’t an issue, maybe they could even live like this.  Live in a smaller town and a small apartment.  Tony working on miniscule home improvement projects and focus on the small things.  His heart ached for it.  That wasn’t what they would have.  They’d been engaged for barely two months and the press was camped out by the entrance of Steve’s apartment and work.  He could only imagine what it was like for Tony having to grow up with that.  To have all of his stupid childhood mistakes video documented by the destructive press.  It was a shame.  This life, the quieter one.  Sure the hustle and bustle of Brooklyn was still there, but it wasn’t the same.  There was a certain  _ attitude _ that came with New York.  The paparazzi were less vicious.  The people; less interested in celebrity.  They would never have that.  Tony had too many responsibilities keeping him in California, and Howard Stark would never stand for his son living in an apartment like this.

“Finished!” Tony placed the tools back in the box.  “That shouldn’t give you a hard time anymore.  It was a faulty switch.  You’ll probably need to replace it in a few years, but it should be okay for a while.”

Chester nodded and, to Steve’s surprise, said “Thanks, the damn thing’s been givin’ me hell for the past few weeks.”

“Don’t sweat it.”  Tony waved dismissively.  “I took a couple of those apart when I was bored.”

Steve laughed, genuinely laughed.  “I hope they weren’t connected to the gas line.”

“They were,” Howard said, a hint of pride in his voice.

Steve looked at him puzzled.  Why couldn’t he just express that?  Why was it so hard for him to admit that Tony was  _ brilliant _ ?    

“I almost blew up the house a couple of times,” Tony admitted.  “Always managed to fix it, though.”

Steve smiled softly at Tony.  This life might at suited him, but it would have never been enough.  Tony was destined for a penthouse apartment in Manhattan or a luxurious cliff side mansion in California.  Not this.  

There was a knock at the door that shook Steve out of his thoughts.  Pizza.  Steve picked up the forty dollars that Chester had given him and opened the door.  He took the two pies from him and handed him the cash.

“Keep the change,” Chester yelled from inside, and Steve rolled his eyes as he took the pizza inside.

Chester placed the pizza cutter and some paper plates on the table.  It made Steve wonder for a moment.   When was the last time Howard Stark had eaten off of a paper plate?

Steve served himself and Tony a slice.  He watched as Howard cautiously took a bite, and Steve had to fight the urge to roll his eyes.  It was pizza, not some poisonous dish.  To his surprise, Howard’s eyes lit up.

“I must admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect,” Howard said.  “I have to say… this is probably the best pizza I’ve ever had.”

“Supposedly it has something to do with the water,” Steve said with a shrug.  “They just can’t make it this way out of the state.”

Chester nodded.  “I’ve had some  _ Jersey _ pizza.  They’re just over the bridge and they can’t make a decent slice.”

Steve made a face and shuddered.   _ Jersey _ .

“We definitely don’t have anything like it back home,” Tony agreed.

“We’ve got the best bagels too,” Steve added.

Tony laughed.  “I remember the first time I tried to serve you a bagel at brunch and you never looked so offended.”

“It’s settled,” Steve said crossing his arms.  “Tomorrow morning, I am buying everyone New York bagels.  I dare you to tell me you like the ones better back home.”

“Rolls, too,” Chester reminded him.  “There are no kaiser rolls when you leave here.”

Steve groaned. “I  _ miss _ those.”

Chester shrugged.  “Maybe it’ll give you two incentive to visit.”

The playful atmosphere died, and tension filled the air.  Steve didn’t have an answer.  He really didn’t love coming back here.  There were too many memories.

“We’ll visit as often as we can,” Tony spoke up.  “Steve’s job doesn’t permit him much time off.  He does important work, and they need him there.  Whenever he can get off, though, we’ll try to plan a trip over here.  Maybe we can even fly you out on occasion?”

Steve smiled at that image.  Chester taking on California, he wondered how many people he would insult a day.

“I love you,” Steve said as he looked at Tony.  It was true, he did.  He loved Tony, he knew what to say when Steve didn’t.

Tony  _ blushed _ .  “I’d hope so, we’re getting married at the end of the week.”

“Still,” Steve said.  “I love you.”

Howard rolled his eyes and Steve wanted to kick himself for caring.  He knew that Howard didn’t like him--it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out.  Still, Steve  _ loved _ Tony.  He really did, and it hurt that Tony’s father couldn’t see it.

Tony must’ve noticed too because he crossed his arms and shook his head.  “Why don’t you just say it?”

“Pardon?” Howard raised an eyebrow.

“Say whatever’s got you acting like you’re hungover and can’t remember spring break?”  Tony snapped.

Howard groaned.  “I just think that it’s awfully quick for you to be getting married to some guy--”

“He’s not some guy!  He’s my fiancee for Christ’s sake,” Tony scoffed.

Chester snorted.

“What?” Steve’s head fell to one side exasperated.  “What do _you_ have to say?”  
“Oh come on, that was hardly a proclamation of love.  If that was Barnes--”

“Oh my god! Leave him out of this!” Steve put his hands on his head.  “Bucky has nothing to do with me and Tony!”

“Who?” Howard’s tone was deadly, and Steve wished no one had mentioned it.  He wasn’t even sure what Tony had told his father.

Tony groaned.  “We discussed this… Steve’s ex--”

“Right, the one he never told you about--”

“We discussed it, Father--”

“Yes, you’ve said.”  He rolled his eyes.

Steve sighed.  “Okay, let’s talk about this once and for all--”

“Babe, you don’t have to--” Tony began.

“No, no.  I do,” Steve said.  “Look, I messed up.  When I was twenty, I married my childhood sweetheart.  We didn’t even make it a full three years.  I was young and stupid and I ran away.  I never looked back.  When I met Tony, I wasn’t sure how to tell him.  He was so open with me and I… I was worried that he’d see the truth and want nothing to do with me.  Then he proposed, and I said yes.  I didn’t want to tell him at that moment that I was married to someone else.  I came back here and took care of it.  I had every intention of telling Tony everything when I got back home.  But your son is amazing, and he wanted to surprise me by showing up here.  He found out horribly, and I wished that I had told him sooner, I do.  We talked for awhile, and I told him everything that I was keeping from him and he understood.  I  _ love _ him.  He  _ loves _ me.  We’re getting married this week, so both of you need to get onboard.”

“What he said.”  Tony kissed Steve’s cheek lightly.

Chester looked displeased, but he didn’t say anything.  He just shook his head.  

Howard looked pissed, but he also remained quiet.  

“That’s a first,” Tony mumbled under his breath.  

“We want you two to be a part of this, a part of our life, but we’re gonna need you to meet us halfway,” Steve tried to plead with them.

Chester made a face.  “All right, kid.”

Howard’s face softened a bit.  “I’ll do my best.”

Steve let out a sigh of relief.  Making a mental note to  _ never _ plan a family event with the two of them present ever again.  Maybe they could do separate Christmases.  

Tony took Steve’s hand in his own and rubbed it soothingly.  He never had to worry about this with Bucky.  George and Winnie had been fond of Steve, and Chester adored Bucky, there weren’t any awkward dinners with the in-laws.  This was clearly going to be very different.

The rest of the dinner was eaten in awkward and uncomfortable silence.  Howard left shortly after they had finished dinner, citing exhaustion from the long flight.

Steve didn’t want to hear Chester complain about the evening either, so he and Tony left shortly after Howard’s departure.

“You okay?” Tony asked when they entered the hotel room.

Steve nodded.  “I’m fine.  I’m more worried about you.”

“Me?” Tony pointed to himself.  “Babe, I’m fine.  Please, that was dad on a good day.”

Steve sighed as he met Tony’s lips sweetly.  “That’s what I’m worried about.  What’s he gonna be like when he finally gets you on your own?”

Tony made an indifferent face.  “He really can’t say anything that bad.  You’re honestly the most together person that I’ve ever brought home.  I highly doubt he’d rather I was marrying  _ any _ of my exes.”

“Still,” Steve said.  “I  _ did _ hurt you--”

“Cut that out,” Tony said as he waved dismissively.  “You had a secret.  A big one, but you didn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me.  Which is more than can be said for any of my previous dates.”

Steve sighed.  “Still.  No one would’ve blamed you if you had called it quits.”

“Well that’d be punishing myself, then.  You made a mistake.  You came clean about everything, and I know it wasn’t easy.  I get it,” Tony said.

Steve kissed Tony’s lips gently.  “I can’t believe we’re getting married in five days.”

“I can.” Tony laughed.  “Want to elope?”

Steve smiled softly as he shook his head.  “If you want your father to permanently disown you, then sure.”

“I wouldn’t be too disappointed if he did,” Tony teased, but Steve knew better.  He knew that was real emotion behind the sarcasm.

“He’ll come around,” Steve said, hoping he was right.  “He’s just worried that I’m tryin’ to take advantage of you.  It’s kind of sweet.”

Tony snorted.  “You give him too much credit.  He’s worried I’m gonna make a fool of him.”

Steve frowned.  “Not possible.  You’re brilliant.  If anything he looks  _ better _ by association with you.”

“I should start paying you to say stuff about me,” Tony said sarcastically.  “You’d be a great hype man.”

“I’m serious,” Steve said honestly.  “One of these days he’s just gonna be known as Tony Stark’s father.”

Tony laughed.  “That’ll be the day…” his voice trailed off.

“Don’t doubt it,” Steve said.  “He knows it’s coming too.  That’s why he’s so hard on you.  He’s trying to delay the inevitable.”

Tony kissed him again, a bit longer this time.  His hands tracing Steve’s ribs.  “God I love you.”

Steve’s arms rested around Tony’s neck.  “That’s a relief.  I wouldn’t want to enter into a loveless marriage.”

“My parents did,” Tony said, and it definitely stopped the mood.  Tony didn’t talk about his mother.

Steve froze.  “Yeah?  I always thought--I guess I assumed--nevermind.”

“What?”

“I always just thought that your dad was…” He paused, trying to find the right words.  “The way he is because of her death.”

Tony snorted.  “Nah.  He’s been like that my whole life.  Mom could usually talk some sense into him but he was always an ass.” 

Steve frowned.  Howard had been like this Tony’s entire life.  It was horrific.  Tony was wonderful, and brilliant and his whole life his father had never once shown appreciation towards him.  It made him sick to his stomach.

“Are you serious?”

Tony laughed, clearly trying to play it off like it was no big deal.  “Yeah, I mean it’s who he is.  I never took it personally.”

Steve rested his forehead against Tony’s.  “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Tony said, with a shrug.  “My mom was great.  She made up for it.”

Steve certainly understood that.  He never knew his father, but his relationship with his mother had been wonderful.  “Sorry about Chester too.  He’ll come around.”

“I wish I could say the same about my old man, but he still hasn’t come around to me.” Tony teased as he pulled away from Steve.  “So when are your two groomsmen taking you away for the bachelor party?”

Steve groaned.  “Clint still going on about that?”

Tony nodded.  “Oh yeah, apparently he’s coordinating with Rhodey to make sure that we don’t run into each other.”

Steve sat down on his side of the bed and began untying his shoes.  “I really don’t want a bachelor party.  Do I even qualify?  Shouldn’t it be a divorcee party?”

Tony let out a small laugh beneath his breath.  “It’ll be fun.  You remember that right?  Fun.”

Steve shook his head as he put his shoes neatly in the closet.  “I’m all for fun, but a night out to get plastered… it would make sense if we were twenty not now.”

Tony shrugged as he hung up his jacket.  “What was your last one like?”  
Steve laughed.  “It was barely a wedding.  There wasn’t a bachelor party, we had all the same friends.  No one really thought anything was going to change.  Isn’t that the point of these things?  One last night out with your friends before you’re off the market.  My old friends didn’t see it that way.”

“Well then what was the first wedding like?” Tony plopped down on his side of the bed.

Steve sat down on the bed gently.  “Why do you want to talk about this?  I’d much rather be talking about our impending wedding, not the failed one.”

“I’m just curious.”

“Well it was much smaller,” Steve said as he maneuvered his pillows.  “We just went down to city hall and signed the marriage certificate.  After that we went down to the local sports bar and treated our friends to drinks.  It was hardly the reception or ceremony we’re gonna have.”

“Did you want something bigger?” Tony yawned.

Steve’s head teetered from side to side.  “It would’ve been nice to do something a little nicer, but at the time we just wanted to get hitched.  The wedding aspect didn’t seem important.”

Tony frowned.  “Did you--is this too much?  If you wanted something smaller--”

“No! No.” Steve sat up straight.  “It was just different.  I don’t mind bigger, but we were young.  A big wedding was never an option.”

Tony nodded, and Steve wondered if Tony was so eager to please because of Howard’s parenting.

“Why do you want to marry me?” Steve asked him quietly.

Tony snorted.  “I thought it was obvious.  I didn’t think you could stand to live your life without me.”

Steve laughed.  “Seriously, I want to know.”

“Well then you’re gonna take away all the thunder from my vows,” Tony said.  “I want to marry you because I love you, and I can’t picture my life without you in it.”

Steve felt a pit begin to well in his stomach.  Because he  _ could _ .  Steve loved Tony and  _ wanted _ to spend the rest of his life with him… but he could also picture his life without him.  He didn’t say anything, just kissed Tony sweetly before getting up from the bed.

“I’m gonna brush my teeth.”

“That’s the response I get,” Tony laughed.  “Rough crowd.”

Steve put on his best fake smile.  “I love you so much, Tony.  I don’t deserve you.”  It was true, truer than he cared to admit.

Tony gave him a look.  “Trust me, no one deserves to be stuck with me, but once you say ‘I do’ you’ve got me.”

“Promise?” Steve grinned.

“Promise.”

The next morning Steve awoke to Tony placing light kisses on the back of his neck.  Steve moaned into him.

“Good morning.”

“Sleep well?” Steve rolled over to face his fiancee.

Tony shrugged.  “Yeah, I got up a few hours ago.  I was doing some research.”

“For what?” Steve rubbed his eyes groggily.

“Stoves.  I figure Phillips is gonna need a new one sooner or later so--”

Steve laughed.  “He can find his own stove.  I appreciate how wonderful you’re being, but Tony… Chester’s the kind of guy who has to ask for help or advice.  Otherwise he won’t listen out of spite.  You have no idea how long it took me to convince him to buy a dvd player.”

Tony shrugged getting up.“Still, it’s not a bad idea to have an idea on tap.”

Steve stepped out of the bed and stalked over to Tony who was now sitting at the small desk.  “What’s on the schedule for today?”

“Well, I don’t think I have  _ any  _ access to you,” Tony said as he put his tablet down.

Steve’s brow furrowed.  “What does that mean?”

“Clint and Sam called dibs,” Tony said.  “I’m guessing they’re taking you out tonight.”

Steve closed his eyes and groaned.  “Maybe we can hide out.”

“I’m sure they’d find us.  They’re FBI you know,” Tony teased.

Steve pressed his palms against his forehead.  “I’m not looking forward to this.”

“Why?” Tony chuckled.  “It’s a night out with your friends.  It’ll be fun.”

Steve made a face.  “I don’t really care much for all that.  I mean going out is fine, but I don’t trust Clint.”

“It’ll be fine.  He’s got Sam to rein him in,” Tony said dismissively.  “Try and lighten up.”

Steve nodded.  “Suddenly your idea of eloping sounds great.”

“So the mentality is ‘they can’t throw me a bachelor party if I’m already married.’  Too bad, I’ll tell them they have to take you out,  you need a night with just your friends.”   Tony swivelled around in the chair.

Steve sighed as he kissed Tony chastely.  “I’m gonna shower and get ready.”

“Want me to join you?”

“If you want,” Steve said noncommittally.  “I’m really just gonna shower quickly.  I want to get clean before they get here.”

“That’s the spirit,” Tony grinned.  “Do you want me to pick up those bagels?”

Steve shook his head.  “Nah, we can do it after.  Our folks aren’t going anywhere.”  

Steve walked into the bathroom.  It was huge.  Probably about the same size of the living area he used to share with Bucky.  Steve shook his head, this whole thing was a larger than life and it was getting harder to ignore that Steve was going to have a lot to get used to.

After he finished showering he walked back into the main room, where Tony was now texting away on his phone.  Steve smiled as he watched him for a moment.  He loved him, he did, but was it enough?  He had loved Bucky--hell part of him still did, and that had ended terribly. 

Tony looked up and smiled as he saw Steve.  He walked over to him and sniffed.  “Much better.”

Steve shoved him playfully.  “Knock if off.”

“I thought you liked my sarcastic personality,” Tony pouted.

Steve pecked his lips sweetly.  “Don’t ever change.  You ready to drop off these bagels?  Where’s your dad staying?”

“He’s a few rooms down,” Tony said.  “We don’t have to tell him.  We can drop off the bagel, knock and the door, and make a run for it.”

Steve gave him a disapproving look.  “How about we text him once we’re on our way over to Chester’s?”

Tony made a face.  “I guess it’s a fair compromise.”

Steve looked at him sympathetically.  He was lucky.  He and Chester may have had their differences but they always got along, and Steve and his mother had gotten along famously.  He couldn’t imagine having the relationship that Tony and Howard had.  

“I promise it’ll be a quick breakfast and then we can leave them to their own devices after that.” Steve took Tony’s hand as they headed into the hotel hallway.  

“It’s fine,” Tony said, but his mood had changed drastically.  He was no longer teasing Steve but rather trying to put on a brave face.

Steve didn’t say anything.  Unfortunately, Steve would never be able to fix that.  He’d never be able to undo any of the damage Howard and done.  Hopefully, he would come around and realize there was more to his son than met the eye.  It didn’t seem likely.

Steve stopped off at a bagel shop and ordered a dozen while Tony stayed in the car.  He watched him sitting there on his phone.  It bothered him for some reason.  This was Steve’s home and Tony just seemed as though he couldn’t wait to get back to California.

“Hey.” Steve heard someone say behind him.  He turned to see Rebecca standing there.  “Is that Mr. Perfect in the car?”

Steve gave her a look.  “What?”

“Must be one hell of a guy if you were so eager to marry him after only a few months.”  Becca’s arms were crossed.

Steve glanced at Tony in the care and smiled.  “Yeah he is.”

“I heard you stopped by the shop,” She said quietly.  “He’s worked hard to make it what it is.”

Steve sighed.  “Yeah.. it’s great.”  He didn’t really want to talk about Bucky.  “I just… it took me aback that he named it after Joey.”

“Why?” Her brow furrowed.  

“He wasn’t really there, Becs.  You know that,” Steve said shaking his head.  

She scoffed, “He still loved him, Steve.  You can’t think that he didn’t care.”

“I never said that he didn’t care, I said he wasn’t there,” Steve said defensively.

“Steve--”

“He blamed me, Becs!  He blamed me and he wasn’t there!”

Rebecca glanced around.  People were starting to stare.  “Steve, I’m not--I’m not defending him if that’s what you think.”

“I don’t know what to think, Becs!  You were there!  You know how absent he was!”

“Steve--”

Steve wasn’t really listening to her.  He threw his cash down on the table and grabbed the bag of bagels.  He walked out of the shop, he was done explaining himself to the Barnes siblings.  He got into the car and slammed the door behind him.

“Everything okay?” Tony looked up from his phone.

Steve shook his head frustratedly.  “Just ran into my sister-in-law, or well  _ ex _ -sister-in-law.”

“That must’ve been  _ awkward _ ,” Tony said.

Steve laughed bitterly.  “I may have made a scene in there.”

“Then let’s get out of here and head over to Chester’s?” Tony suggested.

Steve crossed his arms as he stewed in the car on the way over.  Rebecca was not in a position to judge him.  All he wanted was to get married to someone who loved him and made him happy.  It seemed as though everyone was trying to change his mind and get in his way.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Tony asked as he parked a few blocks away from Chester’s.

“Not in the slightest,” Steve said shortly, and immediately wished he hadn’t.  Tony’s face fell, clearly hoping that Steve would’ve shared it with him.  “It’s just Becs.   She means well but I just didn’t need a lecture.”

Tony shrugged, but seemed to relax a bit.  “I’m sure she’s just looking out for her brother.”

Steve rolled his eyes.  Tony was right, naturally.  That didn’t change anything.  Rebecca should’ve understood better than anyone.  She was there.  When Bucky wouldn’t answer his phone, Rebecca had come running.  She was with Steve and Joey until the end.  He had hoped that she would’ve been happier for him.

Steve got out of the car with the bagels.  “Did you text your father?”

“Yup,” he popped the ‘p’ sound as he nodded.  “When you were in the bagel shop I shot him a quick text.  He didn’t answer.”

Steve hated that he felt relieved at the idea of Howard Stark standing them up for breakfast.  It was challenging enough to keep Tony and Chester getting along, but it was proving impossible to have all three of them in a room together without disaster.  Tony and Chester may have had their differences, but Howard didn’t get along with anyone.

“After we eat, maybe we can do some sight seeing?” Steve suggested, not wanting to hang around and wait for a fight to break out.

Tony shook his head.  “You have a strict curfew to get back at the hotel by two.  Clint will have my head if you’re not there.”

“Two?  In the afternoon?” Steve whined.  “How much drinking do they wanna do?”

“They’re  _ your _ friends,” Tony teased.  “Maybe they’re not  _ just _ planning on getting smashed.  I hear there’s a lot to do around here.”

Steve gave him a look, and bit his lip.  “Call me after an hour and get me out of it?”

“Not a chance.”  Tony snickered.  “It’s long overdue that you have a night out.”

Steve frowned.  “Who starts drinking at two in the afternoon?”  
Tony opened his mouth to speak.

“Don’t answer that,” Steve said before his fiancee could get a word out.  Tony certainly had his fair share of wild weekends and early day drinking.  It was no secret.

“I was just going to say to try and loosen up.  For all you know they’re gonna take you to a show or something.” Tony tried to fight back a smile, but Steve could see his lips curling upwards.

Steve laughed at that.  “There is no way in hell that Clint Barton is taking me to a show.”

“Maybe a liquid lunch then.”  Tony smirked and Steve almost felt guilty as he smiled back.  He wasn’t even sure why.  Maybe it was because he couldn’t  _ stand _ the idea of leaving Tony by himself with Howard.  He was sure it would only result in his favorite Stark being in a mood for at least twenty four hours.

“What are you gonna do?”  Steve led them up the porch to Chester’s apartment.

Tony shrugged.  “Rhodey is taking me out tonight but I don’t know what I’m gonna do until then.  Maybe I can convince Dad to take a look at the venue today.  Or I can take him into Manhattan, see the sights.”

Steve nodded, despite the fact that he wished Tony had plans that did not involve his father.   He knocked on the door and heard Chester call out a gruff “Door’s open.”

Steve opened the door and placed the bagels on the counter.  “Morning, sir.”

Chester grunted in response.

Tony clapped his hands together.  “I am excited to finally have one of these famous New York bagels that Steve never stops talking about.”

Chester grunted again, and Steve literally felt his eyes receding into his skull.

“What,” Chester asked gruffly.  “Got somethin’ to say, kid?”

Steve shook his head.  “No, sir.  Just excited to have a family friendly breakfast.”

“Your old man coming?” Chester looked at Tony, acknowledging his presence for the first time. 

Tony looked down.  “We haven’t heard back from him yet.  I figure we can just eat.  Worst case scenario he can order room service.”

Chester’s rough face softened slightly at that.  It was subtle, but Steve picked up on it.  Maybe he would come around, Chester had a soft spot for strays.  “It’s up to you two, you’re the ones with things to do.”

Steve made a face, but didn’t say anything to Chester at first.  He looked to Tony who merely shrugged.  

“We can give him a few more minutes,” Steve suggested sympathetically.

“Nah,” Tony said, failing to sound indifferent.  “We can start.”

Steve didn’t argue, he knew better.  Tony would have a fit if Steve tried to express his sympathy.

“Fine by me,” Chester said and Steve wanted to yell at him in protest, but he held his tongue.

Steve took out some of the paper plates and butter knives and he placed them on the table.  He took his time, trying to give Howard Stark a chance to show up or contact his son.  He may not have liked the man, and part of him didn’t want to worry about the damage control that came with him and Chester, but he could tell it was getting to Tony.

“Anyone want coffee?  I can make some,” Steve said as he tried to buy some more time.

Chester snorted.  “Not if  _ you’re _ making it, I don’t.  Trust me, Stark, Steve’s got a good head on him, but he’s not useful around the kitchen.”

“It’s just coffee,” Steve argued.

Chester raised an eyebrow before he turned to Tony.  “It’s your funeral.”

Tony chuckled at that.  “Well, I’m gonna have to get used to it.  Til death do us part and all that.”

Chester shook his head as he walked over to the fridge and began pulling out butter, cream cheese, and grape jelly.  “These are all the condiments I’ve got.  Not sure what you or your dad are used to.”

“That’s fine,” Steve said before Tony could get a word out.  He wasn’t worried Tony would complain, he was more worried that Chester would misconstrue anything that his fiancee had to say.  “Worse case scenario, I can run out and get some more stuff when Howard gets here.”   _ If Howard gets here. _

Tony shook his head.  “Don’t you dare.  He’s a guest.  He’ll eat what you serve.”

Steve nodded.  “Okay, I just thought it’d be nice--”

“It’d be nice if he were courteous enough to let our hosts know whether or not he was going to be at breakfast,” Tony muttered under his breath.

Steve let out a deep breath.  “Why don’t we get started?  We don’t want them to get cold, it’ll ruin the whole experience.”

They sat down at the table and ate in silence.  After a few moments of nothing but chewing Tony spoke up.  “You weren’t kidding.  This is a spiritual experience.  I have found God and he’s on a bagel in Brooklyn.”

Tony was joking but no one laughed.  It was obvious that he was just trying to lighten the mood.  Steve appreciated it but he knew that Tony was just covering up some very real, and likely deep rooted, issues that he had with his father.

“I’m glad you like it,” Steve said.  “Maybe we can buy a bunch before we head home and take them back to California with us.”

“Hmm?” Tony clearly wasn’t paying much attention.  “Oh--um--yeah sounds good.”

Steve frowned as he resumed eating the bagel.  He had missed them, but it didn’t taste as good knowing that Tony was upset.

Howard never showed.

They hung around the apartment for a while, but it was  _ painful _ .  Every time Tony’s phone went off he would eagerly look at it only for his face to fall a second later.  Howard wasn’t responding, and it was clearly getting to his son.

“This is ridiculous,” Steve said after a while.  “Tony, put the phone away.  He missed out on the best bagels the country has to offer.  That’s it.  It’s his loss.  It’s not like this is the rehearsal dinner or somethin’.  Just put the phone away.”

If looks could kill then the look Tony shot Steve would have instantly killed him.  “It’s work, Steve.  I’m very accustomed to my father being… unreliable.  You’ll have to get used to it too.”

“You don’t really appear to be ‘used to it’.  At least you’re not acting like someone who’s indifferent.”

Tony took a deep breath.  “I’m fine.”  He glanced down at his watch.  “Doesn’t matter, we’ve got to get you back to the hotel before tweedle dee and tweedle dumb show up.”

Steve gave him a disapproving look but let it slide.  “I guess that’s our cue.”

“See you soon, kid, Stark.” Chester nodded but didn’t get up to see them out.

Steve glanced at Tony who was buttoning up his vest, and Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes.  They were eating bagels in Chester’s apartment and Tony had to dress formally.  Steve wasn’t sure if he had done it to impress Chester or Howard, but it had to be one of the two.  He and Tony had spent countless weekends lounging around in sweats--and sometimes less than that, so it definitely wasn’t because of him.

“Ready?” Tony looked to Steve as he smoothed out the vest.

Steve nodded, looking back to Chester.  “See you soon, sir.”

They left the apartment and made their way back to the hotel.  

“Do you wanna talk about it?”  It was Steve’s turn to ask.  

“There’s nothing to talk about, Steve,” Tony said as he pulled into the hotel parking lot.  “I’m fine.  This is typical dad.”

Steve nodded, knowing better than to push the subject.  Tony was just as guarded as Steve, if not more, he understood that sometimes there just wasn’t anything to say.

When they got back to the room, Clint and Sam were already waiting outside in the hall.  

“Already?” Steve groaned.

Tony kissed his cheek. “Have fun, I’ll see you later.”

“Ready?” Sam asked.

Steve made a face.  He’d much rather be there for Tony, but it didn’t seem like an option.  “Do I really have a choice?”

“Nope,” Clint laughed.  “C’mon, trust us. It’ll be fun.”

Steve rolled his eyes as he walked back out with his friends.  “What’s the plan?”

“Let there be some surprise until we get there.”  Clint hoped into the car.  “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“I just want to make sure that Sam doesn’t total the car again,” Steve teased.

Sam snorted.  “I didn’t total it.  It’s these stupid potholes that did it.”

“Of course it was.” Steve rolled his eyes.  “Seriously where are we going?”

“Baseball game, Rogers,” Clint said clearly agitated.  “Are you happy?  You ruined the surprise.”

“He asked twice,” Sam said.  “How are you an FBI agent?  You can’t keep a secret.”

“What game?” Steve asked.

“Yankees,” Sam called back.  “Look, I know your Ma was a Dodgers fan but you’re not getting married in L.A., and the Mets… well, I wasn’t gonna pay good money to watch them blow their lead in the seventh.”

Steve’s blood ran cold.  Bucky proposed to him at a Yankee game.  Technically it was a Subway Series game and at the old Yankee Stadium, but still it stung.  They weren’t able to go as often as they would’ve liked, but Bucky got a good deal on the tickets.

“See? I told you it was a bad idea,” Clint said.  “I knew he wasn’t a Yankee fan.”

Steve shrugged.  “I don’t really follow  _ one _ team.  I like the sport.  It was a good idea, Sam.”  It was a good idea, despite the fact that he wasn’t thrilled with the fact that the last time he was there, he was getting engaged to someone else.

“Told you,” Sam said to Clint.  “It was a better idea then getting him shitfaced all day.”

“Definitely,” Steve agreed.  His friend knew him too well.  “I really wasn’t looking forward to bar hopping all day.”

“You’re no fun,” Clint said with a laugh.

“You got me there,” Steve agreed.  He really wasn’t a go out and have a great time kind of guy.  Plus the last time he got drunk didn’t go over too well.

It took them about an hour to get to the Stadium.  Steve didn’t go into the Bronx much, even when he lived in Brooklyn.  He wasn’t very familiar with the area, but from what he remembered, it wasn’t the best in terms of crime.

“Make sure you don’t leave anything out in the open,” Steve said as they were getting out of the car.  “Just to be safe.”

They walked over to the stadium and headed to their seats.  The seats were much nicer than Steve and Bucky had  _ ever _ been able to afford.  In fairness, their circumstances were vastly different.  Bucky was working at some tire shop, and Steve was a glorified traffic cop.  They weren’t in the same position they were now.

When they finally got to their seats, Steve was surprised to see his other friends there as well. Jones, Dugan. Falsworth, Morita, Dernier, Peggy and Sam’s boyfriend Riley were all there too.  

“Wow,” Steve said as he greeted everyone.  “Thanks for coming everyone.”

“Rebecca’s coming late,” Peggy said as she hugged him.  “She’s just dropping something off at Barnes’s shop first.”

Steve felt a twinge of guilt, remembering the argument they had earlier that morning.  He adored Rebecca, he did, he just wasn’t sure how to be around her.  She was Bucky’s sister first, his friend second.

He turned to Sam.  “How did you pull this together?  I didn’t even tell you who my friends were from here.”

“Chester’s real chatty once you butter him up.” Sam laughed.  

Steve groaned.  “I hope he didn’t tell you too much.”

Sam frowned.  “We can talk about that later.  Apparently we’re not as close as I or Chester thought.”

“Sam,” Steve said apologetically.  “It wasn’t--”

“Stop,” Sam said, shaking his head.  “Don’t apologize.  I get why that’s not something you’d wanna talk about.  I mean, look at our line of work.  There’s some stuff that you just don’t wanna talk about.”

“Did you tell Clint?”

“I didn’t tell anyone.”  Sam sat down in his seat.  “That’s your business, Steve.  I’m not going to spread that shit.”

Steve smiled at him gratefully.  “Thanks.  For everything, I mean.  This is a great bachelor party.  Way better than I thought it was gonna be.”

The game was fun, but Steve wasn’t paying much attention to the field.  He was busy talking with all his friends, it was nice to see how well Clint, Sam and Riley got along with his friends from New York.

“What was that stupid name we had for ourselves when we were kids?” Dum Dum asked.

“I don’t know.” Steve laughed.  “We were like the ‘Screaming Warriors’ or somethin’ dumb like that.”

“No,” Gabe said as he shook his head.  “It wasn’t that.”

“The Howling Commandos,” Peggy said with an eyeroll.  “I’d also like to point out that you were far too old to be calling yourselves something so daft.  You went along with it well into high school.  I also don’t believe for a second that you don’t remember it.  I think Barnes had it tattooed on his chest.”

“He didn’t,” Steve said a little too quickly.  “At least he didn’t when we were together.”

“He still doesn’t.”  Rebecca walked over to them and kissed Steve’s cheek.  “Long time no see,  _ bro _ .”

“Thanks for coming, Becs.” Steve hugged her.  “We good?”  
She raised an eyebrow.  “Of course we’re good, Rogers.  You’re still my favorite brother-in-law.  In fact I think seeing you act human made me like you even more.”

“ _ Ex- _ brother-in-law,” Steve corrected with a groan.  “But seriously, I’m glad you made it.”

“Finally,” Clint exclaimed.  “Someone who might actually tell me about Steve’s ex.”

Rebecca laughed.  “There’s not much to tell, really.  They were two childhood sweethearts who couldn’t make it work.  Tragic, though not uncommon.”

That must’ve satisfied Clint because he didn’t ask about it for the remainder of the afternoon.  However he still insisted on ordering several overpriced drinks for the entire party.  Steve didn’t mind though, it was better than bar hopping as the game would go on for hours and he’d have a chance to sober up before they left.

The game ended with the Yankees losing in extra innings, but Steve would be lying if he said he was particularly interested in the outcome.  He’d had a great afternoon with his friends, it was nice getting to be around all of them at the same time.

“I hope none of you are driving home,” Steve said to his Brooklyn friends.  Most of them were pretty intoxicated.

“We took the subway, we’re fine,” Peggy said with a laugh.  “Are you good to drive?”

“I’m fine,” Sam said, it was true.  Sam had milked one drink the entire game.  “But if anyone needs a ride, the offer’s open.”

Riley seemed to be the only one who hadn’t originally driven with them to take Sam up on that offer.  They walked back to the parking garage, Sam and Riley walking hand in hand.  It was nice to see the softer side of Sam from time to time.  Riley was wasted, Sam had to support his weight all the way back to the parking garage.  Steve imagined they’d get married next, he was surprised they weren’t married already.  Those two had been together for as long as Steve had known Sam.  He made a mental note to ask Sam about it later.

When they got to the car, Sam helped Riley get settled in the front passenger side seat, while Steve and Clint got in the back.

“I hope you’ve got a plastic bag up there, Sam,” Clint called as he buckled his seatbelt.  “I don’t think your boy is gonna make it back without tossing his cookies.”

Sam took a deep breath as he held up some CVS bag and tossed it to Riley.  “Good idea, Barton.”

“It’s been known to happen from time to time,” Clint said with a shrug.

Riley threw up four times on the way home.

“Sam, isn’t he a pilot?  Don’t you need an iron stomach for that?” Clint asked as Riley finished throwing up on the side of the road.

Sam shot him a look.  “He doesn’t usually drink much  _ because  _ he’s a pilot.  Cut him some slack.  I know Romanoff had to drive you home from the Christmas party because you had the spins for three hours.”

Clint rolled his eyes.  “I didn’t puke on the side of the road!  Sheesh.  I just thought he could hold his liquor.”

“Be nice,” Steve said, shaking his head.  “It’s happened to all of us at one point or another.”

“He just had a couple of beers,” Clint muttered under his breath.  That wasn’t entirely true, though.  Riley had definitely had at least one of the other many drinks that were sold at the stadium.  Steve remembered on time he and Bucky had gotten so hammered at a game they couldn’t even remember their address to tell the taxi driver.  Chester had to pick them up.

They finally made it to the hotel.  Riley was literally slumped over Sam’s shoulder as he led him to the elevator.  Clint was shaking his head the entire time.  Steve checked his watch, 8:20pm.  He hoped Tony hadn’t left yet.  He wanted to tell him all about it.

Steve unlocked the door as he got to the room and the lights switched on.   Empty.  Tony must’ve left already.  He plopped down on the bed and pulled out his phone.  He considered calling Tony, but decided against it.  He was probably having a blast with his friends.

He stared at the screen for a while, he scrolled through the phone, not sure why.  He stopped at the name James, and almost laughed.  He forgot how petty he got when he left New York.  He’d never called Bucky ‘James’ since he knew him.  He wondered if his number was even the same anymore.  

Steve hesitantly clicked on the name and his phone began to dial, he held his breath, not sure what he would do if Bucky actually answered.  He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say or what he wanted to hear.  It didn’t matter.  Bucky didn’t answer.

He called again, against his better judgement.  Still no answer.  His voicemail was the same as it was years ago.  He could hear Joey laughing in the background.  He needed to hear it again, and Bucky wasn’t answering the phone.

He called another time, not sure if he wanted Bucky to answer or if he wanted to hear the voicemail.  He wouldn’t have been upset with either outcome.  Voicemail again.

Steve called Bucky fifteen times that night with no answer.  He wasn’t sure why he had kept dialing that entire time.  He didn’t even know what he would’ve said if Bucky had picked up anyway.  Still, he was disappointed that he didn’t answer.

He got off the bed and took a shower.  He still felt a layer of grime from being at the game.  There was nothing quite like sitting in the sun all day coupled with alcohol to make you feel disgustingly sweaty.  He was getting married in two days.  Two.  He didn’t feel the same excitement that he had the first time around with Bucky.  Honestly, he had changed.  Was it possible that this was a result of being more jaded than he was in the past?  It wasn’t out of the question.  When he and Bucky got married, they didn’t have a care in the world.  That certainly wasn’t the case now.

Tony stumbled in at about one in the morning.  Steve was still up, not intentionally, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky not answering the phone.  

“Hey,” Steve said as he turned on the light.  “Did you have fun?”

Tony grinned as he kissed his lips sweetly.  “Yeah, I guess.  For me it’s kind of just a regular night out.  How about you?  Did Thing 1 and Thing 2 go too crazy?”

Steve shook his head.  “I actually had a great time.  They took me to a game, everyone was there, even my friends from here.  It was amazing.”

“I’m glad you had fun,” Tony said with a soft smile.  “I told you it wouldn’t be that bad.”

Steve nodded.  “You were right.  Though, I doubt Clint is gonna want to do anything like that again.”

“Yeah?  I thought he’d like that.  Lots of alcohol at those things,”  Tony said as he took off his shoes.

“Riley got really sick on the way back.” Steve yawned. “Sam was really good with him, though.  I’ve never seen him like that.”

Tony raised an eyebrow.  “Yeah?  I always wondered why they never got hitched.”

Steve shrugged.  “Beats me.  They’re probably next though.”

“I guess.  If that’s what they want.  They already seem so… domestic.  I thought they were already married before you corrected me.”

Steve frowned.  Was it possible that he was just missing something?  Could Sam and Riley just  _ not _ want to get married?  Steve certainly never had that consideration, clearly.   He believed in marriage.  His last one didn’t fail because of the institution of marriage, and he had really liked being married.  It had failed because they were too young to make it work, and a shit situation fell in their laps.  It still wasn’t uncommon.  Lots of people had happy relationships without getting married.  Steve had never really considered that option.

He almost considered telling Tony about the phone calls to Bucky, but decided against it.  Tony didn’t need to hear about that.  It wasn’t like Bucky had picked up the phone anyway.

Steve kissed Tony one last time.  “Good night.  We can talk more tomorrow.  Get some sleep.”

“Oh,” Tony said awkwardly.  “We kind of have brunch planned tomorrow… with my dad.”

Steve sighed.  “Okay, what time?”

“Twelve.”

Steve nodded.  “In that case, you better get to bed.”

Tony shrugged.  “We could always just stand him up.  He did it to us this morning.”

“I’m not gonna play these games, Tony.  Not the day before we’re getting married.  If you don’t wanna go, fine.  But I’m going on the record saying I don’t like the games.  I don’t like when your father does it, and I don’t wanna stoop to his level.” Steve laid back down with a huff.

“Then we’ll go,” Tony said with an eyeroll.  “But just remember, it’s your idea to go.”

“No,” Steve said agitatedly.  “It’s my idea not to be a child.  I know you and your dad have issues, I get that.  I’m just not gonna get on his level to prove a point.  No one is gonna win that way anyway.  He’ll just stand us up next time and so on and so forth.  This shows that we’re the bigger people, Tony.”

Tony took a deep breath.  “No offense, Steve, but I’ve been dealing with him much longer than you and the ‘kill him with kindness’ strategy doesn’t really work.”

“I’m guessing that the ignoring him strategy doesn’t work well either,” Steve said annoyed.  “We’ll do whatever you want, I’m just saying that I don’t like it.”

“We’re going, all right?  I hear you loud and clear,” Tony huffed.

Steve groaned as he rolled over in bed.  He didn’t want to fight, he was just exhausted.  He closed his eyes and tried not to think about the fact that he was already fighting with his future father-in-law the day before they got married.  


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning they did wind up going to meet Howard at the hotel restaurant.  It was more formal than bagels with Chester but at least it allowed them to sleep in a little bit.  Steve wore a plaid button-down shirt and slacks.  Tony, on the other hand, looked like he was going out for a night to the Met.  He was wearing a nice blazer, one of his vests, and dress pants.  

Steve didn’t say anything on their elevator ride down to the first floor.  They’d been giving each other the silent treatment all morning.  They finally got to the restaurant after what felt like the longest elevator ride in history.  Howard was waiting for them, but at least they weren’t late for once.

“Afternoon,” Howard greeted them, and Steve had to fight the urge to roll his eyes.  It was barely eleven forty-five.  

“Father.”

“Mr. Stark.” Steve shook his hand.

“Sorry I couldn’t make it yesterday,” Howard said as they followed the hostess to their seats.  “I was feeling a bit under the weather.”

Tony snorted but didn’t say anything in response.

“It’s all right, sir,” Steve said, trying to take attention away from Tony’s rude outburst.  “It happens to the best of us.  I’m sure there will be many opportunities for breakfast over the years.”

“Sure, if dad doesn’t feel ‘under the weather’,” Tony said with bitterness in his voice.

“Tony,” Steve and Howard said in unision.

Tony laughed.  “Oh my god.  Wow.  I must be all sorts of messed up.  You two are… almost the same person--”

“Tony,” Steve interrupted.  “Can we please just try and have a nice brunch?”

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Tony laughed.  “That wasn’t fair to you, you’re just kind of the image that I wanted for a father as a child--”

Steve made a disgusted face.  “Wow.  Okay.  You’re still mad I see.”

“Yeah, I am.  I want a husband, Steve, not a father--”

“I’m not trying to be your father, Tony--”

“Didn’t seem like it last night,” Tony snapped.

Steve rolled his eyes.  “I’m not doing this.  I didn’t want to be rude to your father. Out of respect for  _ you _ !”  He turned to Howard.  “No offense, sir, but you could  _ try _ a little harder to be there for your son.  He’s great, he’s been doing nothing but try to please you his entire life and you can’t even show up for bagels with his finacee’s father.”  He turned back to Tony.  “I love  _ you _ .  I’m marrying  _ you _ .  I told you I would defer to  _ you _ when it came to coming here.  You’re the one who just caused a scene at a hotel restaurant because you don’t wanna talk to your dad!  Guess what, I still  _ love you _ .  Despite all that, and my better judgement.  I love you.  I want to marry you.  With that, comes your family.  I didn’t exactly want to wind up fighting here.”

Tony’s jaw dropped a bit and it was the only time that Steve had ever seen him speechless.  Howard was too.  Steve took a sip of water, he was far more nervous that he had let on.  He had just told off both Howard and Tony Stark at the same time.  He hadn’t exactly wanted to do either of those things.  

Tony stood up.  “C’mon, let’s go.”  He turned to his father.  “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Steve followed Tony as they walked out of the restaurant.  They got in the elevator.  The moment it closed, Tony started laughing hysterically.  

“Did you see his face?” Tony grabbed Steve’s face with both hands and kissed him.  “God, I love you.”

Steve rubbed his forehead.  “You’re not mad?”

“Not anymore,” Tony laughed.  “That was hysterical.”

Steve crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

“What?  Are  _ you _ mad?”

“You compared me to your father,” Steve spat.  “Of all people.  Then you threw our fight last night in my face  _ in front of him _ !  That was between us!  Your father didn’t need to know about it!  I really didn’t want to yell at him the day before I’m marrying his son either!  Instead of just telling me what was bothering you, we had to make a scene in front of everyone!  So yeah, Tony, I’m a little mad!”

Tony crossed his arms and let out a sigh. “You’re right.  You’re right and I’m sorry.  I promise I won’t do that again.  It’s just--old habits.  I’ve never had someone… pick my side over his.  It felt like you weren’t on my side last night.”

“I’m always on your side,” Steve said, his voice softening a bit.  “I just didn’t want to mess up your relationship with your father… which it looks like I may have done anyway.”

“Don’t feel bad.  It was messed up long before you came around,” Tony teased, but Steve didn’t find it funny.

“I didn’t want to contribute to it either,” Steve said shaking his head.  “I love you, and I respect your father because he helped raise you.  I didn’t want to insult him the day before we’re getting married!”  
“Okay,” Tony said calmly.  “I hear you.  I promise it won’t happen again.  I love you too. I’m sorry I put you in this situation.”

“You should be,” Steve said quietly.  

“I’ll talk to him, okay?” Tony took Steve’s hand in his.  “I’ll explain everything.”

Steve shook his head.  “It’s all right.  What’s done is done.”

“Steve--”

“Seriously,” Steve said honestly.  “It’s okay.  Really.  I’ll talk to him once everything settles down after tomorrow.  Right now, I just want to relax.”

“You have your tux?”

Steve nodded.  “I dropped it off at Chester’s.  I’m gonna spend the night there tonight.  It’s bad luck for us to see each other.”

“You believe that?”

Steve shrugged.  “I figure I’ve got enough bad luck so I better not push it.”

“Fair point,” Tony said with a small smile.  “We good?”

“We’re good,” Steve said.  “I’m gonna pack an overnight bag.  I told Chester I’d be there at a decent time.”

Tony kissed his lips softly as the doors opened.  They detached and walked back to the room.  Steve packed up his bag while Tony ordered room service for them.  They hadn’t actually gotten around to eating anything over brunch.

Steve ate quickly.  Chester would never let him hear the end of it if he didn’t show up soon.  “Next time I see you, it’ll be at the altar.”

Tony smiled.  “Yeah, you’re right.   _ Weird _ .  We’ll be married this time tomorrow.”

Steve thought about it.  It didn’t feel real.  How could he really be  _ marrying _ Tony the next day?  It felt like they had just got engaged.  Now they were actually getting married.  It was crazy, and it felt like it wasn’t really happening.  There was almost a little voice in his head saying ‘really?’

He took the subway over near Chester’s place.  It was a lot easier than taking a cab or bothering to drive there.  Besides, they’d be taking a car to the venue the next morning, there was no need for him to leave his rental at Chester’s.

When Steve entered the house he could immediately smell Chester’s cooking.  It was probably meatloaf.

“Hey, kid.  Got everything for tomorrow?” Chester asked from behind the counter.

“Yeah.”  Steve motioned to his overnight bag.  “What about you?  Got your suit?”

Chester huffed.  “Of course.  This isn’t the first wedding I’ve ever attended.”

“What was I thinking?” Steve asked sarcastically.  “Seriously, though.  Do you need anything?  I can run out to the store if you do.”

He waved dismissively.  “Don’t you worry about me.  Are you nervous?  It’s not too late.  You can call this whole thing off.”

“I don’t want to call it off,” Steve said angrily, this narrative was getting old.  “I love Tony.  I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”  He wasn’t sure if he was really trying to convince Chester or if he was getting used to the idea.  He loved Tony but for some reason the idea of spending his entire life with someone was intimidating.

“You’re sure?” Chester asked as he raised one of his eyebrows.  There was a hint of suspiciousness in his voice.

“Yes.”  Steve gave an exasperated sigh.  “I’m sure.”

Chester didn’t say anything, he just continued on cooking as if the conversation had never happened.  It was one of the best part about being raised by Chester.  He took people at their word.  If you told him something was certain, he tried not to question it.

They spent the majority of the day talking about the good old days.  Mostly when Steve had first come to live with Chester.  It had taken a while for them to get used to each other.  In the beginning there was a lot of fighting.  They were both so stubborn, it was hard to remember how they had managed to find a middle ground.

“You hated that old sofa,” Chester reminisced as he took as sip of his beer.  “You used to complain about it all the time.”

“It was awful,” Steve laughed.  “I think I even asked for a blow-up bed to keep in the corner.  You refused.”

“You were being dramatic,” Chester said with a chuckle.  “It wasn’t that bad.”

Steve shook his head.  “ _ You _ didn’t have to sleep on it.  This new one you got is much better.”

“I’m glad you approve,” Chester deadpanned.  “So.  This gonna be the last time I see you now that you’ll be married?”

Steve frowned, Chester was laying the guilt on thick.  “No.  I mean--I won’t be here as often.  But I promise I’ll visit more than I did after I left Buck.”

Chester nodded, but he didn’t look convinced.  “I hope so.”

“I’m serious,” Steve said honestly.  “Tony and I are talking about adopting, and the kids are gonna need to see their Grandpa Chester every chance they get.  There’s no way Howard is gonna be around more than you.”

Chester smiled softly at that, almost like he was trying to hide it.  “You better not be pulling my leg, kid.”

“Never,” Steve said genuinely.  “I promise.  I’m not running  _ from _ anything this time around.  Just  _ to _ somethin’.”

“So long as you’re happy, kid.  You’ve earned it,” Chester said, and Steve almost felt tears prickling near the corners of his eyes.  Chester was a man of few words.  When he did have something to say, there was always an added weight to it.

“Thank you, sir,” was all Steve could muster up as a response. 

He glanced at the clock.  “We better head to sleep.  You’re gettin’ married in less than twelve hours.”

Steve sighed.  “Okay.  Big day tomorrow.”

“Biggest of your life,” Chester said.  “Looks like it’ll be nicer than the last one.”

“The last one wasn’t so bad.” Steve’s heart panged a bit.  It wasn’t bad.  Just different.  “It was smaller, but more intimate.  I guess you can’t have both.”

“No, you can’t,” Chester said, but it felt like he was referring to something else.  Steve couldn’t put his finger on it.

“See you tomorrow,” Steve said as he plopped down on the couch and tried to get comfortable.

The next morning was chaos.  Everything that could go wrong  _ did _ go wrong.  Steve’s tux didn’t fit right, it was almost as if it was two sizes too small.  Chester couldn’t find his shoes.  Sam had called saying he couldn’t find the cufflinks that were going to be Steve’s ‘something borrowed.’  Tony hadn’t even texted.  What if he didn’t show up?  Things had been weird between them lately.

Steve tried his best to focus on the positive.  He was getting married to a man who loved him, and who he loved.  This was a happy day.  There wasn’t any reason to get stressed.

Steve  _ was stressed _ .  The photographer showed up an hour late and at the wrong venue.  Steve had to give him the proper directions to get to the correct place, and he hadn’t even left Chester’s yet because the limo was nowhere to be found.

Sam, Clint, and Riley were all at Chester’s with him, eagerly awaiting the impending nuptials.

“Do you want us to call an uber?” Clint asked from the sofa.  “At this rate you’re gonna be late.”

Steve frowned.  “If the limo’s not here in ten minutes, we’ll call an uber.”

Sam and Riley were in the corner of the kitchen just watching as Steve paced back and forth. 

“Relax, kid,” Chester said from the hallway that led to the bathroom and bedroom.  “It’s not that big a deal.  We could take the subway if you really want.  We don’t need to wait for the limousine.”

Steve glanced out the window and let out a sigh of relief.  The limo had finally arrived.  “Doesn’t matter, he’s here.”

“No offense, kid, but the last time was much easier,” Chester said with an eye roll and he picked up his jacket and headed over the door.

Steve cocked his head to the side a bit and let his mouth fall open as if to say ‘really?’ He waited for Clint, Sam and Riley to head out before glancing around the apartment one last time.  It was strange.  Something felt final about leaving it.  He knew that he would visit Chester, it just wouldn’t be the same.  He’d never spend the night here again.

Steve walked outside and entered the limo with his friends and Chester.  He never really saw the need for a car in New York, outside of the suburbs, but it felt right.  If he was getting married, he wanted to do it the right way this time around.

They made it to the venue and Steve walked inside to his room.  He was just going to get freshen up, and then they’d start in about an hour.  Steve was smoothing out his hair when there was a knock at the door.

Sam opened it and the wedding planner entered.  

“Mr. Rogers, I’m sorry to bother you, but there’s someone asking to see you,” She said nervously.  “I’m afraid he’s refusing to leave unless he speaks to you.”

“Who is it?” Steve asked.

“He says he’s your lawyer.”

Steve made a face.  Why would his lawyer be here?  “Let him in, I guess.”

After a few moments a man walked in the room.  “You are a very difficult man to reach, Mr. Rogers.”

“Is there a problem?”

“I would say so, if you’re planning on getting married today,” His lawyer said.

“What are you talking about?” Steve crossed his arms.  He had taken care of everything.

He let out a nervous laugh.  “It appears that you’re still married.”

Steve paused.  He must not have heard her right.  Bucky had signed the papers.  This couldn’t be happening.

“Gesundheit?” Clint stood up from the chair.  “Steve, I thought you sent the papers in.”

“I did,” He said.  “He signed the papers… I know he did.”

He looked at him like he had grown a second head right in front of him.  “That’s all very well and good, but… you didn’t.  In order for the divorce to be valid I need a signature from you as well.  And you haven’t been answering my emails.”

He froze again.  How could he have forgotten to sign?  “Do you have a pen?”  He asked dumbly.

“For god’s sake, kid,” Chester said shaking his head.  “This isn’t somethin’ you just overlook.”

“It was a mistake, I was pretty hungover when I sent it, all right?”  Steve searched desperately for a pen. “Seriously, does anyone have a pen?”

Sam cleared his throat as he tossed one to Steve.  “Right here.”

Steve looked at the pen in his hand and then back to the papers.  He clicked the pen and was about to sign but he just couldn’t make his hand write his name.  He felt his heart race.  Why wasn’t he signing?

He looked to Sam and Clint.  “Can you get Tony please?”

Sam blinked.  “Steve, just--”

“Yeah, we’ll get him,” Clint said tapping Sam on the shoulder.  “C’mon.”  They left the room, and Steve sat down on the chair.

“Kid, you can’t have both,” Chester said as he sat down next to him.  “It’s one or the other.”

Steve didn’t respond and Chester left the room, shaking his head.

“You’re not gonna sign it, are you?” Riley asked after a few moments of silence.  They really hadn’t talked much, ever.  Steve didn’t even know his last name.

He didn’t answer.  He honestly wasn’t sure.

“You still love him.”  It wasn’t a question but a statement.  “Sam told me what happened.  Must’ve been awful.”

Again, Steve wasn’t sure how to respond.  He just stared at Riley.

“You don’t forget to sign your divorce papers.  The first thing I did was sign all three copies,” Riley said with a small laugh.

“You’re divorced?  Sam never mentioned it.”  Steve felt his stomach begin to stir.  He was gonna be sick.

Riley laughed.  “Sam doesn’t like to think about it.  I was young and dumb, not like you, though.  I grew up in the midwest… I didn’t have many prospects.  I practically married the first guy who looked my way.  We didn’t even make it a year.  I signed those papers so damn fast.”

“Is that why you and Sam aren’t married yet?  Bad first experience?” Steve’s stomach churned.

Riley laughed.  “I wouldn’t mind getting married again, but Sam… Sam’s not like us.  He’s not a romantic, not in the traditional way anyway.  We’re happy.  There’s no need to change anything.  Besides, he’s a bit old fashioned.  Worried that I’ll get hurt given his job.  He’s put some dangerous people away.”  It was true.  Sam used to investigate organized crime, he pissed off a lot of people in high places.

“I never thought about that,” Steve said honestly.  

“Sam always thinks about that stuff,” Riley said as a smile danced across his face.  “He’s romantic in his own way.  Tony doesn’t do  _ that _ for you does he?  Doesn’t make your stomach feel like you’re gonna puke every time you see him.”

He didn’t.  Steve shook his head. 

“Does your ex?”

“Yeah,” Steve said quietly, realizing it for the first time.  “Yeah he does.”

The door creaked open and in came Tony with his arms out, Clint and Sam were trailing in behind him.  “Steve, what’s going on?”

“Can you give us the room please?” Steve asked and the room emptied instantly.  The only ones there were Tony and Steve.

“Babe, what is this?  Sam said something about your lawyer.  I’m pretty confused.”  Tony gave him a strained smile, and it was making everything harder.

“Yeah, my lawyer showed up,” Steve said quietly.  “Apparently I’m still married.”

Tony’s face fell.  “I thought you said you’d taken care of this.”

“I thought it was,” Steve said honestly.

“You said he signed the papers,” Tony said, clearly trying to make sense of this.

Steve sighed.  “He did.  I… I didn’t.”

“So just sign them,” Tony said as his face relaxed.  “If it takes time to process, then we can just postpone--”

“I--Tony.  I--”

“You’re not gonna sign.” Tony’s face fell in realization.  “You’re not gonna marry me.”

“Tony, I am so sorry--”

“We’re engaged, you said--you agreed,” Tony began pacing back and forth.  “Just sign them, we’ll be happy.  I can make you so happy.  Anything you want is yours--”

“Tony,” Steve interrupted.  “I love you--”

“Then marry me--”

“But, I am not  _ in love  _ with you.  I am so, so sorry,” Steve said as he could swear he saw Tony’s heart shattering into a million pieces.

“Steve,” Tony said desperately.  “This is just pre-wedding jitters--”

“No,” Steve said quietly.  “Not it’s not.  I never signed the divorce papers, Tony.  I’m still in love with him--”

“You told me not to worry about him!” Tony yelled.  “You said you chose me!”

“I know,” Steve said, hating himself more and more with every word.  “I thought I meant it too, but you deserve better, Tony.  You deserve someone who’s in love with you, not just someone who loves you.”

Tony rubbed his face, and Steve could swear he saw some tears.  It took him a moment to realize that he was crying too.  He loved Tony, he did.  He just loved Bucky more.  No.  He loved Bucky differently.  He didn’t just  _ love  _ Bucky.  He was  _ in _ love with Bucky.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Steve said quietly.

Tony shot him a look.  “Then why are you doing this?”

“Because I can’t marry you.  I’m just going to say one thing and then I’m gone.  I promise you’ll never see or hear from me again.  Just promise me that you won’t let your father win.  You are meant for amazing things--”

“He’s all I’ve got, Steve.  Everyone else leaves--”

“I’m so sorry,” Steve said honestly.  “I really never meant to hurt you.  I love you, I do--”

“Just not enough,” Tony finished for him. 

They sat there for a while in silence.  “I really am sorry.  I wish… I wish things were different.”

“Me too,” Tony said bitterly.  “You’re sure?  That he’s the one you love?”

Steve nodded sadly.  “Yeah, I am.  I wish I wasn’t.”  It was true.  Tony was wonderful, and Steve cared about him.  He wished that Tony was the one he loved.  He wasn’t.

“I hope you’re happy,” Tony said, barely louder than a whisper.

“You too.  You deserve it.  Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

Tony took Steve’s hand and kissed the back of it in a final goodbye.

“Take care of yourself, Tony,” Steve said as he walked out the door.

Sam, Riley, Clint and Chester were standing outside.  They all looked at him, knowing looks on their faces.

“You’re not tying the knot, are you?” Clint asked.

Steve shook his head.  “I can’t.  I’m already married.”

“You sure this time?” Chester asked, his arms crossed.  “There’s only so much more of this I can take.”

Steve gave him a look.  “I thought you’d be happy about this--”

“Kid, I just want  _ you _ to be happy.  I don’t give a rat’s ass about the rest.”

“I love him, sir.  I don’t think I ever stopped.”  Steve put his hands in his pockets as he smiled to himself.

Sam shook his head.  “Man, I told you not to rush into this.”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “I know, Sam.”

“You better go talk to Barnes,” Chester said shaking his head.  “He still thinks you two are divorced.”

Shit.  Steve hadn’t thought about that.  What if Bucky didn’t want him anymore?  What would he do then?

“I gotta go,” Steve said with a sense of urgency.  “I’ll meet you at  _ Rookies _ .”

Steve raced out of the hall and grabbed a taxi back to the hotel.  He tipped the guy and hopped in his rental car.  It was quicker this way.  

He bolted over to the shop, and left his jacket inside the car.  He was wearing the rest of his tuxedo.  He probably should’ve changed his clothes at the hotel but he wasn’t thinking straight.  He just needed to see Bucky.

It was pouring rain out, but it didn’t matter.  He parked a few blocks away, and made his way to Bucky.  Steve ran inside the shop, not caring that he was dripping wet. 

“Steve?” Rebecca asked from the counter.  She was dressed formally, like she was on the way to his wedding.  “I was just about to head over there.  What are you--”

“Where is he, Becs?”

Her mouth fell opened a bit.  “He’s in the garage, but--”

Steve ran off towards where he last saw Bucky.  There were a few people in the shop this time.  Almost everyone stopped what they were doing as they saw him.  He must’ve looked ridiculous, dripping wet in a tuxedo running through an autobody shop.  He looked over at every work station.  He couldn’t find him.

“Hey, buddy,” One of the workers called out to him.  “You’re not supposed to be back here.”

“I’m lookin’ for your boss,” Steve yelled back.

The door to the office slammed and Steve turned.  Bucky was wiping grease off his hands.  “What the hell is going on back here?”

“Someone lookin’ for you.”  The same worker motioned to Steve.

Bucky’s brow furrowed.  “Steve?  What are you doin-- aren’t you supposed to be gettin’ married today?”

“I can’t,” Steve said, trying to catch his breath.  “We’re still married.”

“Bullshit,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes.  “I signed the damn papers--”

“Yeah, you did.  I didn’t,” Steve said as he walked over to him.  “I never signed them, Buck.”

“What do you want me to do about that--”

Steve smiled.  “Nothing. All I want is to be married to you.”

“You’re engaged to another man,” Bucky hissed as he looked around.  All the workers were watching them, and some customers were peering out into the garage curiously.  “Come here.”  He dragged Steve by the elbow and into his office.  “I don’t know what this is about, Steve, but--”

“Bucky, I love you,” Steve said and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  “I love you, and I wanna be married to you.  It’s always been you.”

Bucky gave him a look.  “What are you talkin’ about?  You’re supposed to be marrying someone else.”

“No, I’m not.  I was stubborn, Bucky.  I can’t imagine a future for myself that you’re not in,” Steve said honestly.  “I left him, Bucky.  I left him for you.”

Bucky stared at him.  “You left me once too, Steve.  How do I know this isn’t just part of your pattern?”

“I didn’t-- you know why I had to go the last time, Bucky!” Steve pushed his wet hair back. “I want to be with you.”

“Why?  Why would you want to be with me?”

Steve smirked as he recited the words that Bucky had told him when they were kids, “So that I can kiss you anytime I want.”

At that, Bucky pulled Steve into him, kissing him deeply.  It was electric.  Steve threw his arms around Bucky’s neck and Bucky practically hoisted him up against the cabinets.  Steve quickly threw off his vest, the limited mobility was not working out in his favor.   Bucky made quick work of Steve’s button down shirt and tossed it on the ground.  Steve was trying his best to get Bucky’s work shirt off when there was a knock at the door.

“What?” Bucky called over his shoulder.

“James, I swear!” Rebecca’s voice called from outside.  “I am going to count to three and this door better be open!”

Bucky placed Steve down.  “Give me one second.”  He kissed Steve sweetly before he went over to the door.

He opened the door a crack.  “What?”

“Steve better not be in there,” Rebecca hissed, and Steve could imagine that she was trying to look in the office.

“So what if he is,” Bucky said unconcerned.  “It’s my office.”

“He’s getting married!”

“No, he’s not,” Bucky said, a hint of bliss in his voice.  “We’re not divorced.  He never signed, Becky.”

“Steve,” she called in the office.  “We need to talk.  I’m coming in there--”

“Hang on!” Steve called back.  “Just um-- give me a sec.”  He picked up the button down and sloppily put it on.

“Are you decent?”

Bucky looked back to Steve. He must’ve been satisfied, because he opened the door enough to let her inside the office.

“You’re not getting married?” She asked as she crossed her arms.

“No. I just spoke to my lawyer, and it turns out that I never signed the papers. We’re still married,” Steve couldn’t help smiling as he said it.

She looked back to her brother.  “This is what you want?”  
Bucky nodded.  “It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

She rolled her eyes.  “You two can’t just… you’ve gotta actually figure shit out.  You live on two opposite ends of the country.  You haven’t properly spoken in the better part of nine years.  There’s a lot you two have to work out.  I just don’t want either of you getting hurt again.”

Her points were valid.  Steve could admit that much.  They did have a lot to figure out, but it didn’t matter.  Steve was going to do whatever he needed to make it work.

“Becca,” Bucky said with an eye roll.  “We don’t need help figuring this out.  Things are different now.  Could you please…”  His voice trailed off as he motioned to the door.

She laughed.  “No way.  I’m not going to let you ruin your business by sleeping with someone in the office.  You know everyone saw him come in here.  Your staff knows he’s in here.  I’m sure they have some idea about what’s going on in here.”

Steve groaned as he leaned his head against the back of Bucky’s shoulder.  They were gonna have to put a pin in this.

“Fine,” Bucky said as he crossed his arms.  He turned to Steve, “Can you meet me back home?”

Home.  It was strange hearing the words in reference to the old house.  He hadn’t thought of it as home in so long.  Still it felt right.  “I can’t.  I don’t have the key anymore.”

Bucky’s face softened.  “It’s under the stone, where you used to keep it.  This way you could always come back.”

Steve kissed Bucky softly.  “I’ll meet you there.”

Rebecca rolled her eyes.  “Took you two long enough to figure it out.”

Steve put the vest back on and followed Rebecca out of the office.  All eyes were on him as he walked out of the shop and headed to the car.  Steve drove back to the house.  He pulled up the block of cement.  Low and behold there was the key.  Steve picked it up and let himself inside.

Much to Steve’s surprise, Bucky had left all of Steve’s changes from his redecorating excursion.  It was sweet and unexpected.  Maybe Bucky had liked Steve’s handiwork after all, or maybe he just hadn’t gotten around to changing it all back.  It didn’t really matter.

Steve walked into the bedroom.  He almost laughed.  It looked like it hadn’t been cleaned since he left all those years ago.  Steve shook his head as he began cleaning up.  It was reassuring that Bucky must not have brought too many people back there since he left.

After a few minutes, the door opened.  Steve turned to see Bucky standing in the doorway of the bedroom.  “Hey,” he said with a small smile on his face.

Steve grinned as he kissed him gently.  “I missed you.”

“I can’t believe this is really happening,”  Bucky muttered against his face.

“Why?” Steve pecked his lips eagerly.  

“I’m serious, Steve,”  Bucky said as he detached himself from his husband.  He sat down on the bed.  “Not many people would pick me over him.”

Steve’s face softened.  “It wasn’t about you or him.  It was who do I love.  I loved Tony, but I wasn’t in love with him.  I’ve never been in love with anyone but you, Buck.”

Bucky took Steve’s hand and kissed it repeatedly.  “I love you, but Becca was right.  We need to talk this shit out.”

Steve nodded.  “Okay, let’s talk.”

“Where are we gonna live?” Bucky stroked Steve’s hand with his thumb.

“I don’t know.”  It was true.  He loved California, he had friends there, and his job was there.  “If you wanted… I’m sure I could transfer to an office in Manhattan.”

“What do  _ you _ want?”  Bucky asked.  

Steve shrugged.  “I don’t--I don’t really know.  I like California, there’s a lot there for me.  But this… here… this all works too.”

Bucky nodded.  “I’ve got the shop but… I’m sure I could open one up in California too. I’m sure I could make it work.”

“Your sister’s here, Buck,” Steve pointed out.  Bucky had much more tying him to Brooklyn than Steve did.  “Joey’s here too.”

“And Chester,” Bucky reminded him.  “We’ve both got a lot here.  That doesn’t mean we can’t try to make it work somewhere else too.”

“I don’t know.  I’m afraid to leave him again,” Steve whispered softly, like he was confessing something awful.  “He’s here.  His home is here.”

“Then we can stay,” Bucky said quietly.  “Last time… I was selfish.  I know that.  I’m leaving the ball in your court.”

Steve shook his head.  “Then you’ll resent me.  We need to decide this together.”

“Okay.”  Bucky took a deep breath.  “I would prefer to stay here.  I wouldn’t be opposed to moving to California either, though.  I would just need some time to figure out potential work spaces.”

“I have an olive branch,” Steve said.  “I’m not expected back at work for a while.  Maybe I can see if I can get a transfer somewhere local.  If not we can start looking for potential work spaces for you in California.”

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, okay.  That could work.”  He was kissing Steve’s neck when Steve remembered.  

“Shit.”  He stood up.  “Buck, I’m sorry.  We’ve got to head over to  _ Rookies. _ I told all my friends that I’d meet them there.”

Bucky groaned.  Steve could relate, he’d much rather stay there with Bucky.  “This isn’t really how I imagined meeting your friends.”

“You’ll like them,” Steve said, trying to sound convincing.  “They’re great.”

“Let me change?”

Steve nodded.  “Sure.”

“Your old stuff is still in the drawer if you wanna change.  You must be freezing.”  Bucky took off his shirt and tossed it in the pile of dirty laundry that scattered the floor.

“You kept my old stuff?” Steve walked over to the dresser.  He was touched.  He opened the drawer and sure enough it was all still there.

Bucky nodded.  “Couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it.”

“Screw it,” Steve said as he threw his arms around Bucky.  “They can wait a little bit longer.”

Bucky kissed him deeply as he picked him up.  Steve’s legs wrapped around Bucky’s waist as he walked them over to the bed.  Steve kissed him passionately.  He had missed him so much.  Bucky gently placed him down on the bed, and Steve couldn’t help but wonder if this was from when Steve was small and fragile, but he liked it.  Bucky leaned over him and nipped at his lips.  Steve melted into the touch as Bucky removed Steve’s shirt.  Bucky’s hands grazed over his ribs as he kissed him deeply.  It was strange.  It felt like they had just done this yesterday not almost a decade ago.  Steve kicked off his pants with Bucky’s help, the damn things were too tight to get off on his own.  Bucky’s came off with ease as they were just baggy jeans.  They stayed like that for a while, almost like they were afraid to rush into anything.  In the end, Steve would probably say it was the best they’d ever had.  Maybe he was just overwhelmed or bias, but they never did top that time together.

When they finally arrived at  _ Rookies _ , it was a miracle that his friends were still there.  Clint was drinking a beer that Steve assumed was not his first, Chester was sitting there with an annoyed expression on his face, and Riley was sitting on Sam’s lap.  It was actually nice to see them in such a casual setting.  The Howlies were there too, and Peggy was keeping a watchful eye on all of them.  The only person missing was Rebecca, but Steve imagined that Bucky had asked her to watch after the shop for him.

“Hey,” Clint was the one to notice them first.  “Cheers to the happy couple.  Albeit, not quite the happy couple that I  _ thought _ we’d be toasting today.”

“Second time’s the charm I guess,” Peggy said with a smile.  “Honestly though, if you two had just  _ talked _ you could’ve been together for the past decade.”

Steve shrugged.  She was probably right, but Steve wasn’t too convinced.  They both needed to change from who they were when they lost Joey… no before that.  When they lost their fire.  For so long they just coexisted.  Now was different.  Now they really saw each other.  At least that was how Steve felt.

“Next round’s on me,” Dum Dum called from the table.

“Shouldn’t we technically be the ones treating you?” Bucky asked as he took Steve’s hand and led him over to the table.

Dugan waved dismissively.  “You can get the next one.”

“Let me introduce you to everyone,” Steve said as he brought him over to the California side of the table.  “This is Clint, Sam, and Riley.”  He pointed to each one as he said their names.  “I met Clint and Sam through work, and Riley is Sam’s… person.”  The term ‘boyfriend’ felt too informal for those two.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Bucky said nervously.  It was funny, they never really had to do this.  They had all the same friends, and had known each other’s families since childhood.  There were no awkward introductions.

“Guys, this is Bucky… my husband.”

“You can call me James, or Barnes,” Bucky said with a laugh.  “Bucky is kind of reserved for Steve… and sometimes my sister.”

Steve laughed.  “Yeah, sorry, habit.”

“Well now I have to hear that story,” Clint said interestedly.  “How the hell do you get ‘Bucky’ from James?”

“It’s not that great a story,” Bucky said with a smirk.  It wasn’t a lie.  Steve just couldn’t pronounce Bucky’s middle name, and there was another James in their first grade class, so he went with Bucky.  It just kind of stuck.

“His middle name’s Buchanan,” Steve clarified.  “I couldn’t pronounce it so… ‘Bucky’.”

Bucky nodded.  “That’s the story.”

Clint pouted.  “Lame.”

“Sorry,” Steve said honestly.  He turned to Bucky.  “We’ve gotta go talk to Phillips--”

“Yeah, of course.  He must be pissed,” Bucky said with a low whistle.  He knew Chester for almost as long as Steve did. It was nice having someone who understood.

They walked over to Chester who looked more irritated than usual.

“Sir,” they said in unison.

“Boys,” Chester said as he took a sip of his drink.  “What’s the plan?”

They glanced at each other, they weren’t exactly planning on telling anyone their decision just yet, but it was Chester. 

“I’m probably gonna be sticking around for a while,” Steve said as he nervously scratched the back of his neck.

Bucky nodded.  “Steve’s gonna see if he can get transferred to an office around here.”

“Just like that?” Chester said with a suspicious tone as he raised an eyebrow.

“Just like that,” Steve repeated.  “It’s all dependent on the transfer, though.  I don’t wanna get your hopes up.  If I can’t get transferred, then we’re probably going back to California--”

“But we’ll visit all the time,” Bucky said as his grip tightened a bit on Steve’s hand.  “My sister’s still here, and you’re here, plus Joey’s buried here.  You know.  I’d like to visit as often as I can.”

“Okay,” Chester said, not changing his demeanor.

“What?” Steve asked as he furrowed his brow.  “What’s wrong?”

Chester laughed with a hint of cynicism in his tone.  “Nothing’s  _ wrong _ , kid, but you gotta be sure this is what you want.  No more rushin’ into these life changing decisions, all right?”

“Yes, sir,” Steve promised.  “I really am sure about this one.”  And for the first time in nine years, he really meant it.


	10. Epilogue

_ Five Years Later _

“I finally unpacked all the boxes,” Bucky said as he plopped down on the couch.

Steve snorted from the kitchen.  “Took you long enough.  We’ve been living here for almost two years.”

“Steve!”  His attention was brought back to their oldest son, Marco. “You have to pay attention!”

“What happened?  What did I do?” He was paying very close attention to the directions.

The fourteen year old laughed.  “If you don’t pay attention to the food, it can burn.  Frying works a lot faster than baking.”

“I told you, Marco,” Bucky called from the couch.  “He’s hopeless.  We come from a long line of takeout.”

“No,” Steve said indignantly.  “I want to learn.  Besides, Marco grew up on this.  We should be able to make the food he likes too.”

“You can’t even make the food that  _ you  _ like,” Bucky teased.

Marco laughed at that.  “Well I have to teach him something--”

“Hey, I picked up Spanish pretty quickly,” Steve said honestly.  “Bucky took way longer than me--”

“As if,” Bucky laughed.  “Stevie, you barely learned the numbers.  Me?  I’m practically fluent.”

“You both did fine,” Marco said snapping Steve’s attention back to the beef patties.  “See, when they start to turn brown, you’ve gotta flip them.”  He demonstrated for Steve.

“I don’t understand.”

“What?” 

“That’s the same color it was before,” Steve said honestly.  

Bucky shook his head as he walked over to them.  “He can’t tell the difference?”

“Nope,” Marco said with a grin.

Bucky turned off the stove.  “Put the damn things in the oven and bake them.”  He turned to their son.  “He’s gotta learn how to bake before you can teach him how to fry.  You’ve been here three years now, kid, you know he’s useless with this stuff.”

Steve gave him a look.  “I am not hopeless--”

“James has a point, Steve,” Marco said as he took out at cooking pan.  “At least this should help you tell the difference between cooked and raw.”

Steve pouted and Bucky laughed at him.  “C’mon, Stevie.  He’s a good teacher.  You’re just not the best student.”

“Thank you,” Marco said with a hint of pride in his voice.  “I am a pretty good teacher.”

“Pretty good,” Bucky made a dismissive noise.  “Screw that, you’re a great teacher.  You’ve just got a terrible student.”

“I am right here,” Steve said, trying not to get too dramatic.  “You’re not exactly a chef either.”

“I’m also not the one who volunteered to learn a new dish,” Bucky said as he crossed his arms.  

Steve rolled his eyes.  “Where are the other two?  Shouldn’t you be keeping them company or something?”

“They’re playing outside with some friends,” Bucky said dismissively.

“Which friends?”

“Some kids up the block,” Bucky said uninterestedly.  

Steve walked over to the window, and glanced outside.  “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Bucky said as he walked up behind him and kissed his cheek sweetly.  “I walked them over earlier.  They’re fine.”

Steve nodded as he glanced over at Marco.  It was hard to believe that they had adopted him three years ago.  They had fostered him for barely a month before they told the social worker to that they wanted to adopt him.  She had been more than thrilled.  Apparently most people didn’t want to adopt a preteen, especially a non-white preteen.  Steve rolled his eyes, just thinking about it infuriated him.  How could someone not love Marco?  He was a great kid.  Even when they first got custody, he was eleven, arguably one of the most awkward times of a kid’s life and he was polite, respectful, and just kept to himself.  The other two were far harder to handle than Marco.

The other two children in question were related before Steve and Bucky adopted them.  Their middle child Cody was turning ten this year.  He was a fight to adopt.  The mother didn’t want to surrender the rights, and it became a whole court battle.  With Cody came Amelia, who was barely six years old.  The two of them were… difficult.  Cody could give tantrums like no one had ever seen.  There were literally times when Bucky or Steve would have to hold him still to keep him from hurting himself.  They had to go to a psychologist once a week to make sure that they were doing what was best for him.

Amelia was adorable, she was, but she was skinny, and smart, and people never knew what to think of her.  She reminded him of Steve so when the social worker told them that Cody had a sister… they jumped at the opportunity.  

“Chester coming over tonight?” Bucky asked as he sat back down on the couch.

Steve shrugged.  “I invited him, so maybe?”

“Well then you better figure out how to make these things,” Bucky said shaking his head.  

“I could always just  _ show _ Steve how to do it, and then he can make it next time,” Marco suggested.

“That’s cheating, sport,” Bucky said with a smile.  “Guess what I read in the newspaper today?”

“What?” Steve asked as put the patties on the pan.

“Tony Stark is getting married.  For real this time, I hope,” Bucky said.

Steve smiled.  “Good for him.  I hope he’s happy.”

“Who’s that?” Marco asked.

“Well,” Bucky laughed.  “Steve and I… we weren’t--”

“We broke up for a while,” Steve admitted.  “While we were broken up, I almost married Tony Stark.  I kind of left him on our wedding day.”

“That’s kinda messed up, Steve.” Marco shook his head.

“No, it was  _ very _ messed up,” Steve said honestly.  “Tony was a great guy, and part of me really loved him but… I was in love with Bucky.”

“Now he’s getting married to someone else,” Bucky said.  “I guess it worked out for the best.”

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, it did.”  He still thought about Tony from time to time.  Not about being with him, but about whether or not he would be able to stand up to his father.  He hoped whoever Tony was marrying really loved him for him and not for his name.

“No regrets then?” Bucky asked with a teasing smile.

“Not yet, but we’ll see,” Steve said jokingly.  

“Why did you two break up?” Marco asked as he sat down next to Bucky.  “I can’t imagine either of you with anyone else.”

Steve took a deep breath.  “Well it was partially because of Joey, but mostly because we weren’t really ready to be married.  We were too young to really understand what it meant.” 

It was true.  Readjusting had been hard at first too.  Bucky had been used to being single and Steve was accustomed to a different lifestyle.  There were a lot little fights here and there.  One of the most famous arguments was over a dish rag that Bucky had left on the table.  After that there was a lot of rearranging the house.  It was a weird balance that they needed.  Steve didn’t want to be reminded of Joey at every moment and Bucky didn’t want to change anything.  Convincing him to change the nursery into a guest bedroom had been another fight.  Ultimately they  _ had _ to change it when they started fostering.  Steve counted it as a win though.  Overall it only took a few months to get reaccustomed to each other.  It was almost like riding a bike.

“So when are the two children of the corn coming back?” Marco asked as he set the timer.

“Be nice,” Steve said warningly.  He knew it was just sibling rivalry, Marco had gone from an only child less than two years ago to having two extremely demanding younger siblings.  It was an adjustment, and Marco certainly got along with Cody and Amelia much more than he used to.

“Sorry, Steve,” he mumbled.

“I’ll go get them before dinner, if that’s why you’re asking,” Bucky answered from the couch.

“Good call,” Steve said as he watched Marco gingerly put the food in the oven.  “Chester will be pissed if they’re not here when he shows up.”  
Marco shrugged.  “Doesn’t take much though does it?”

“No it does not,” Steve said in agreement.

Bucky shrugged.  “He means well.  You know, I bet he’d love to learn the recipe that Steve can’t figure out.  Chester’s pretty good in the kitchen, and I know he’s been lookin’ for an excuse to have you over there.”

Marco smiled at that, and Steve felt a rush of relief wash over him.  Marco was a homebody.  His teacher said he had friends at school, but Marco never wanted to spend time with anyone.  He wasn’t overly social.  The idea of him getting out of the house even to go to Chester’s was a step in the right direction.

“Yeah,” Steve added.  “Chester’s a much better student than I ever was.”

“To be fair, almost everyone is a better student than you are,” Bucky teased.

Steve gave him a look.  “I’ll get it eventually.”

Marco and Bucky exchanged a look, and Steve had to fight the urge to roll his eyes.  “I will.  It may not be a fun process, but I’ll get it.”

There was a frequent knocking noise at the door.  “Looks like trouble’s back,” Marco muttered.  

Bucky opened the door and sure enough Amelia and Cody ran inside.  There was a man standing there.  Steve assumed it was the father of whoever the kids were playing with.

Steve turned to Marco.  “I will be right back, I just need to make sure the animaniacs over here didn’t do any damage.”

“That’ll be a first,” Marco said under his breath.

Steve ignored the comment as he walked over to Cody, who was currently running around the apartment like a chicken without a head.  “Cods, what’s up?  I didn’t think you were supposed to be back yet.”

Cody groaned.  “ _ God, Steve! _  We just got back and you’re gonna yell at us?”

“I’m not yelling, but if you don’t drop the attitude I’ll start,” Steve threatened.  “What happened?”

Cody huffed and crossed his arms.  There was a time when Steve would’ve found the gesture humourous, this little nine year old being stubborn.  It wasn’t cute anymore.   “Nothing,” he answered aggravatedly.

The door closed and Steve looked over to Bucky who was shaking his head.

“What was it this time?”  
Bucky made a face.  “Cody, you wanna tell us what happened?  Or am I gonna have to take that nice man’s word for it.”

Cody rolled his eyes, and Steve felt his blood begin to boil, the child was infuriating.  “I want to go home!”

Steve’s heart fell a little at that, Cody didn’t understand, not really.  They’d adopted him and Amelia under two years ago, and Cody still didn’t feel comfortable there.  He missed his mom.  It was understandable.  He really didn’t realize what a danger she was to him and Amelia.  It wasn’t something that Steve was about to point out either.  All that would do is upset him even more.  “This is your home--”

“No, it’s not--”

“Don’t change the subject,” Bucky interjected.  “From what I was told you really could’ve hurt someone today!”

Cody shook his head.  “They started it!  Ask Amelia!”  
Steve looked over his shoulder to see Amelia.  She was in Marco’s arms and watching as he explained the recipe that he and Steve were making.

“I’m not asking Amelia, I’m asking you,” Bucky said calmly, and Steve was grateful for his patience.  One of them had to have some.

Cody let out a groan, and Steve had to hold his tongue because Bucky was handling this now.  “We were just playing tee ball--”

“And you attacked someone with a bat,” Bucky finished for him.

Steve’s jaw dropped.  Actually dropped.  “He what?”

“I didn’t hit him--”

“Because the father stopped you!” Bucky cut him off again. “Go to your room.  No tablet or computer either!”

Cody let out a hybrid growl and shriek before storming into his bedroom and slamming the door shut.

Steve followed after him.  “Cody!  That is not how you behave!”  He picked up the tablet and laptop, not trusting the kid for a second.  “You do not act out like that and you do not slam the doors in this house!”

“I hate it here!” Cody yelled.  “My mom never yelled at me like this!”

Steve held his tongue he so badly wanted to say ‘Your mom never made you food, or bathed you either!’ He didn’t dare say that aloud.   “You wanna hate us, fine hate us!  We love you, Amelia and Marco, but you can’t go after people with weapons!”

“I was just joking around, Steve!  I wasn’t gonna hit him!”  Cody cried, and Steve actually believed him.  That didn’t make things okay though.

Steve sat down on the bed next to him.  “You can’t joke around like that, Cody.  Other people don’t know that you’re just joking around.  What if you accidentally did hurt someone or yourself?  Can you imagine how guilty you’d feel?  How horrible it would be if someone had to go to the hospital?  They could’ve called the police if they wanted!”  It was a slight exaggeration, but Cody needed to be scared straight a bit.

“I’m not an idiot, Steve, people don’t go to jail for playing around,” Cody sniffed.

Steve looked him dead in the eyes.  “You’re right, but they do to jail for assault.  That’s what could’ve happened if you had hit him with the bat, even if it was an accident.  We don’t want anyone to take you away from us.  Don’t do that again!”

Cody rubbed his eyes.  “Okay.”

“Good.”  Steve kissed the top of his son’s head.  “You’re not off the hook though.  We’ll discuss your punishment later.  Just cool off in here for a little bit, all right?”

“Fine,” Cody sniffled.

Steve kissed his head one more time as he walked out with both the tablet and laptop in his hands.  He handed them to Bucky.  “You hide them this time?”

“Yeah, but I think this time around calls for some more serious punishment don’t you?” Bucky took the devices and placed them on the coffee table for the time being.

Steve took a deep breath as he sat down next to his husband.  “Yeah but what’s a good punishment for almost beating a kid with a bat.”

“Military school?” Bucky suggested.  Steve knew he was kidding, but still Cody wasn’t exactly leaving them with a lot of options.

“I’m gonna call the therapist, she might have an idea of what we can do.  I’m at a loss, Buck.”  Steve put his head in his hands.  

“Maybe we can enroll him in kickboxing or something,” Bucky suggested.  “Give him a healthy outlet for his anger.  In the meantime no tablet or computer for three weeks?”

“I’m gonna look into some community service opportunities for kids.  It’d be nice for him to have a little empathy.  We’ll see what the therapist suggests.” Steve groaned.

“I guess that means no more cooking?” Marco asked from the kitchen.

Steve moaned.  “No, no.  I’m learning this recipe if it kills me.”

Amelia giggled as she stood on her tiptoes to try and see over the counter.  “I wanna learn too!”

“I bet you’ll learn faster than Steve,” Marco said with a smirk.

“Buck, remind me to pick up a step stool.  Amelia’s gonna need to see the counter if we keep up these cooking lessons,” Steve said as he scooped Amelia up so she could see.

Bucky hummed from the living room.  “It’s not a bad idea.  She can barely reach the sink in the bathroom.”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “That I did not know.”

“I’m still growing you know,” Amelia said with a hint of attitude in her voice.

“I know, sweetie,” Steve said with a laugh.

“Yeah the step stool is just to help in the meantime,” Bucky said in agreement.  

The timer went off and Marco turned to Steve.  “We have oven mitts… right?”

“Buck?  Do we have oven mitts?” 

“Call Chester, tell him we’re taking him out for dinner,” Bucky said with a long sigh.  “I don’t think we have oven mitts.”

Marco laughed, actually laughed.  “How did you two survive before me?”

“It was rough time,” Bucky deadpanned.

“Seriously though, we do need to get these out of the oven,” Marco said as Steve placed the little girl back on the ground.

Steve grimaced.  “I can use the a couple of dish towels to get them out.  I can’t imagine this batch is much good though given--”

“That you suck at cooking?” Bucky smirked.  

“That it was my first attempt,” Steve corrected him, as he used to the towels to get the food out of the oven.

Amelia glanced over as she climbed up on one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar.  “They look burnt.”

“That’s because they are,” Steve said exasperatedly.

“I can make another batch really quick,” Marco said excitedly.

“I don’t feel great about you cooking with hot oil, kiddo,” Bucky said honestly.  “Especially since Steve’s clearly not learning anything either.”

Marco shrugged. “I used to do it all the time.”

“That’s not as comforting as you might think,” Steve said honestly.  Marco’s home life had been…colorful before they adopted him.  

“I’m just saying, I can do it.  It’s not a big deal,” Marco offered.

Steve shook his head.  “Nah, I think this has taken up enough of your Saturday.”

Marco sighed.  “We still need to eat something, Steve.”

“That’s what takeout is for,” Bucky said.

Amelia clapped excitedly.  “Where are we going, Daddy?”  Steve smiled at that.  Amelia was the only one of their children to call them by titles.  Marco was too old when he was adopted, and Cody was too stubborn.  It didn’t matter though, they had left the ball in their court.

Bucky shrugged.  “We’re gonna have to see what Grandpa Chester wants.”

“I want a hot dog,” She suggested.

Steve laughed.  “That’s what you always want, sweet pea.”

“It couldn’t hurt for you to try something new either.  That’s what Marco was trying to do.  He wanted us to try something that he liked to eat when he was a little boy,” Bucky said as the little girl plopped down next to him on the couch.  

“And then Papa burned it,” She said crossed her arms.

Steve sighed.  “Yes.  Fine.  I burned it.  I gave it my best shot.”

Bucky ignored him as he began looking through the mail.  “Hey, check this out.”

“Hmm?” Steve walked over to his husband.

“Somethin’ from Sam.”  Bucky handed him the envelope.

Steve took the envelope from him and began opening it.  

“It’s from Uncle Sam?”  Amelia said excitedly.  “I hope he’s coming to visit soon!   _ Is _ he coming to visit soon?”

“I will tell you as soon as I finish reading it,” Steve said as he took the card out of the envelope.  He read it over and placed it on the coffee table.  “Uncle Sam and Uncle Riley are not coming to visit.”

She pouted and crossed her arms.  “Why not?”

“Because we are gonna go visit them,” Steve said.  

“We are?” Bucky, Marco and Amelia asked in unison.  It was hilarious.  Amelia’s face was filled with excitement, Marco looked anxious and Bucky just looked confused.

Steve nodded.  “Yes, because they have finally set a date to get married.”

“It’s about time,” Bucky said.

“That’s so exciting!” Amelia squealed.  “I’ve never been to a wedding before!”

Steve chuckled at that.  She was six, he was sure there would be plenty of boring weddings to attend.

“I don’t know, Steve, maybe we should leave the kids here with Rebecca?”  Bucky teased.  “California’s a long way.”

“Be nice,” Steve said as he pecked Bucky’s lips from behind the couch sweetly.  “Sam and Riley would kill us if we didn’t bring them anyway.”

“Fair point,” Bucky conceded.  

Amelia cleared her throat, changing the subject.  “Can I be the one to call Grandpa Chester and tell him that Papa ruined dinner?”

Marco laughed.  “She’s gonna tell on you, Steve.”

Steve made a face.  “Tattle tale.”

“You can call him after you take your medicine,” Bucky said.  Thank god for him, Steve had completely forgotten about Amelia’s new allergy medication.

She crossed her arms.  “Fine, but it tastes gross.”

“I know, sweetie,” Steve said sympathetically as he poured her some of the medicine in a medicine cup.  “If you hold your breath then you can’t taste it as much.”

She made a face as the took the cup from Steve’s hand.  “How am I supposed to drink it if I’m holding my breath?”

“You drink it like you normally would, but you just pinch your nose.”  Steve folded his arms as he watched her try and contemplate whether or not to actually drink the medicine.

She opened her mouth and then closed it.  She opened it again and froze.  “My tastes buds are on my tongue.”

Steve nodded.  “That’s right.”

“What does that have to do with holding my nose?” She held the medicine away from her face as if it were poisonous.

“This isn’t a negotiation, short stack,” Bucky called from the couch.  “You need to take your medicine.  Hold your nose or don’t.  Just drink it.”

She gave him a look, before turning back to Steve.  “It’s gross.”

“I believe you, but it makes you feel better,” Steve said as he knelt down on her level.  “If you drink it, you can have dessert when we go out to dinner tonight.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise.”  Steve extended his pinky finger.

She hesitantly locked her pinky finger around his as she swallowed the medicine in one big gulp.  Her face flashed, she was clearly disgusted and she stuck her tongue out.

“I’ll get you some water, sweet pea,” Steve said as he took out her plastic princess cup from the cabinet.  He filled it with water from the fridge and handed it to her.

She made a face as she gulped the water down swiftly.

“Better?”  
“A little bit.” She placed the cup on the counter.  “Is Cody in trouble?”  
Steve made a face.  “Don’t worry about your brother--”

“He only went after the kid because he said something mean,” She said crossing her arms.  It was endearing, really, her sense of justice.  If someone said something mean then surely they had it coming.  Steve may not have been bound to the little girl by blood but he liked to think that she got that from him.  

“It doesn’t matter,” Steve said with a sigh.  “Remember what we said about sticks and stones--”

She groaned.  “I know, Papa, but he said things about you and Daddy!  They weren’t nice!”

Bucky took a deep breath as he stood up from the couch.  “Thank you for clearing everything up, sweetheart, but remember we use our words, not our fists.”

“But, Dad--”

“Why don’t you go get changed, Ames,” Steve interjected.  “Your clothes are filthy and we’re going out to eat.”

She shrugged as she skipped off to her bedroom. 

Steve glanced at Bucky who was rubbing his temples, clearly stressed.  “Is it bad that I feel better knowing that he was doing it to defend us?”

“No,” Steve said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.  “No I feel better too.  I’m choosing to look at it as us being relieved because he’s showing empathy.”

“Or because it’s proof our son actually likes us,” Bucky said, shaking his head.

“Cody, can you come out here please!” Steve called down the hall.  He looked to Marco who was still sitting there.  “Give us the room.”

Marco nodded as he headed down the hall to his own bedroom.

Cody stormed into the living room, he was still clearly angry.  His arms were crossed, his face was red as a tomato and he was clearly struggling to stay composed.

“Hey, hey,” Steve said calmly.  “Coping skills, remember.”

Cody looked up at him and nodded slowly as he started doing jumping jacks.  It was hard to watch but the therapist had insisted.  Cody had to channel his anger into something healthy and nonthreatening.  The result… crying jumping jacks and push ups.

After a few minutes Cody stopped and calmed his breathing.  “Okay… okay.  What do you want?”

Steve took a deep breath.  “We spoke to Amelia.  She said that you weren’t joking with the bat.”

Cody opened his mouth to argue.

“But,” Steve continued.  “She also said that you were doing it to stand up for Bucky and me.”

Cody frowned.  “I told her not to tell you.”

“Why?” Bucky asked.  “We’re always on your side.  We just want what’s best for you--”

He rolled his eyes.  “If you heard what he said it’d just make you even more upset.”

“You don’t have to protect us,” Steve said after a few moments of silence.  “You’re the kid.  You can tell us anything.  We’re the parents.  It’s  _ our _ job to take care of  _ you _ .”

Cody looked at him skeptically, like he was trying to determine whether or not Steve was telling him the truth.  It broke Steve’s heart a bit.  Was this the first time anyone had told Cody that he was the  _ child? _  Was it the first time someone had  _ honestly _ told the boy they would take care of him?

“He called you freaks,” Cody said quietly.  “Because you’re married and two guys.  _ Freaks _ .”

Steve felt a rush of relief wash over him.  He been called a lot of awful things throughout his life.  Most of which were by the tabloids after he broke things off with Tony.  ‘Freak’ didn’t even break the top ten.  

“People suck,” Bucky said honestly.  “They’re awful and they’re mean.  I know we tell you ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me,’ but it’s not really true.  Words can hurt you more than sticks or stones ever could, but it’s up to you to make sure that you arm yourself with words only.  Words are much more effective than weapons, sport.” 

Cody nodded.  “I know, James.  It’s just--it’s  _ hard _ !”

Bucky laughed.  “Yeah. It is really hard.  That’s why you have your coping skills--”

“So I can be the weird kid that does jumping jacks in the middle of class,” Cody grumbled.

“Or the cool kid who’s going to be a football player one day,” Steve suggested, hoping it was convincing enough.  Based on the look he got from his younger son, it wasn’t.

Bucky laughed.  “Look, kid, it’s hard.  It’s always gonna be hard.  But even if you have to excuse yourself and run a few laps down the hall, it’s better than hurting someone else.”

Cody nodded.  “If you say so.”

“We do,” They said in unison.

“I’ll try my best,” Cody said stoically.

“That’s all we ask,” Bucky said honestly.  “You’re still in trouble though.  No tablet or laptop for three weeks.”

“But, James--”

“No buts,” Steve said firmly.  

Bucky nodded.  “What he said.”

“You can’t go after people with bats,” Steve said, mentally adding that to the list of things that he shouldn’t have to say but as a parent had to anyway.

“Fine,” Cody said under his breath.  “I won’t do it again.”

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah you  _ really _ can’t.  Otherwise the consequences could be juvie or a psychiatric center, and trust me neither of those options are as nice as home.”

Amelia came skipping out of her bedroom wearing a different dress that was on backwards.  “Can I call Grandpa Chester now?”

Bucky snorted.  “Sure, but after that you gotta turn the dress around.  It’s backwards.”

She looked down and checked the tag, because clearly Bucky had reason to lie.  She shrugged and took the phone from the table next to the couch.  She eagerly dialed the phone and sat patiently waiting for Chester to answer.

“Hi, Grandpa!” She said excitedly.  “It’s Amelia!”  Steve had to try his best not to laugh at that.  It wasn’t as if Chester was receiving phone calls from any other little girls.  “I’m calling because Papa ruined dinner and now we have to go to a restaurant.”  Steve did laugh at that, she didn’t even wait a second before throwing him under the bus.  “I don’t know what he was making.  Marco was trying to teach him something.”  She paused clearly listening intently to what Chester was saying.  “I know.  Daddy told him it was a bad idea.  Where do you wanna go eat?  Can it be some place with hot dogs?”

“All right,” Steve said as he extended his hand.  “Let me talk to him.”

She pouted.  “Hold on, Grandpa.  Papa wants to talk to you.”  She gave him the phone and crossed her arms as she plopped down on the couch.

“Hi, sir,” Steve said as he put the phone to his ear.  “Where would you like to eat?”

“I thought you were makin’ somethin’,” Chester said gruffly.  “I was excited to see you finally cook a meal.”

Steve sighed.  “Well it turns out I’m a slow study, so we’re gonna need a raincheck on that home cooked meal.  Still, we would like to see you, let us take you out.  Anywhere you want.”

“Suppose it’s my fault,” Chester groaned.  “I should’ve taught you to cook when you first moved in with me.  I guess I was too easy on you.”

Steve snorted.  “Not exactly the term I would use.  You gave me so many chores, I thought I moved into army barracks.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Chester said and Steve could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

“Seriously, where do you wanna go?”

“Why don’t you come over?  I can barbecue somethin’.  Give that little one a hot dog, the other two can have burgers if they want,” Chester said.

Steve frowned, not that Chester could see it.  “We wanted to do something for you for a change.  We’re always over there eatin’ your food.  It’ll be fun to go out for once.”

There was a pause, and Steve glanced over to see Bucky helping Amelia with her dress.

“Ames got all dressed up and everything,”  Steve exaggerated slightly.  “The kids are excited for a night out.”

Chester chortled. “Yeah right.  I bet Marco would rather stay in, and somethin’ tells me Cody hasn’t exactly earned a night out.”  Chester knew them too well.

“Marco’s gonna have to get out of the house sooner or later and Cods… his punishment is sufficient.  C’mon, just name a place.”

Another pause and then, “I’ll be right over.”

“But--” Steve heard the phone click.  He shook the head as he put the portable phone back on the base to charge.

“Where are we going?” Amelia asked excitedly.

Steve shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Chester just said that he was gonna be over here in a little bit.”

“You know,” Bucky said.  “For someone who gives you a hard time for being dramatic, he has a sense of flare himself.”

“More like stubbornness,” Steve replied.  “I can’t veto his plan if he never tells me what it is.”

Bucky nodded.  “Touche.”

After about twenty minutes there was finally a knock on the door.  “C’mon,” Steve called.  “Grandpa Chester’s here and you know he doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”  Within seconds the two boys emerged from their bedrooms.

Bucky opened the door and in walked Chester carrying four boxes of pizza.  Steve gave him a look.  “What--”

“Don’t.  It’s a compromise,” Chester said and Steve wanted to scream.  It most definitely was  _ not _ a compromise!  How was Chester bringing them pizza at all considered a compromise?

Steve held his tongue.

“Thanks a lot, sir,” Bucky piped up, taking the pizza from Chester.  “I’ll get the plates and pizza cutter.”

“I got it,” Marco interjected as he jogged over to the kitchen.  

Amelia raced over to Chester and threw her arms around his stomach.  “Thanks for the pizza, Grandpa!”

Steve looked at the boys who quickly muttered their own thanks.

“Don’t mention it,”  Chester said as he patted Amelia’s head affectionately.  

They sat down and ate in the living room.  Bucky and Steve rarely used the dining room, so this was typically where they ate anyway.  Chester took a seat in his favorite chair, the two younger kids sat on the floor by the coffee table, and the rest of them sat on the couch.  

While Steve wished that Chester would have let them take him out to eat, he had to admit it was nice to just sit around and enjoy a meal together as a family.  For once the three kids seemed to be getting along.  Chester was happy, and not just his usual grumpy happy, but he was actually laughing and smiling.  There was something incredible about seeing him interact with the kids.  

Steve got up to start clearing the table.  He watched his family, laughing and teasing each other.  It was as close to perfect as they ever got.  Still, there was something missing.  It had taken Steve a while to realize that something would  _ always  _ be missing, and that it was okay.  Joey would’ve been about sixteen years old now, and Steve found himself wondering how he would’ve gotten along with his siblings.  Would he have defended Marco from the bullies at school?  Would he have done push ups with Cody when he was angry?  Would he have doted on Amelia like everyone else?  The hardest thing was, Steve didn’t know, and he never would.  

“You okay?” Bucky asked as he came up behind Steve.  Wrapping his arms around his waist as Steve was putting the pizza cutter in the sink.  It was almost as if he could read Steve’s mind.  Maybe he was thinking the same thing.  Thinking about Joey was usually the only thing that could put a damper on evenings like this.

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, I am.  Just thinkin’ about him.  I think… I hope he would’ve liked this.”

“Me too,” Bucky answered quietly.  “I guess even if he didn’t like it, he would’ve gotten used to it.  We do this more often than not.”

“Yeah,” Steve said and it made him feel a little bit better.  One thing that they knew was that Joey  _ would’ve _ had to get on board with these nights in.  “We do don’t we?”

It was nice.  Nicer than anything money could buy, nicer than the many expensive restaurants that Tony used to take him to.  Just sitting around the living room with a box of pizza and good company.  Steve smiled as he watched Marco and Cody tickling Amelia on the couch.  It was easy to picture Joey right there with them.  Bucky was beside him and it was even better knowing that he was with someone who understood.  Someone who felt the absence as much as he did, but could appreciate it too.  Appreciate how wonderful their family was, despite the missing piece.  Steve knew that he could never trade it for all the money in the world.


End file.
